Scrapes Wot Us 'Orns Have Got Ourselves Into

Do you want to talk about it? You should and I'm here for you.

 

Can I cancel the Gofundme page now?

 

I'd cut your losses if I were you. Trying to rescue the thread after a distasteful first post and a sweary rant isn't going to work, I'm afraid.

 

the state of this forum

 

This thread is excellent.

 

Love the way Kelso was all expleted out by post no.11

 

I was offered boiled eggs in saltwater today. I was disgusted at the offer.

 

I quite fancy Colleen Nolan*, and don't care who knows it

I don't know if she has tattoos on her feet or not, but I'd like to find out

Anyway, if you ever see Colleen Nolan at the Vic, it'll be me she's with, so come and say hi, but don't say "I'm in the mood for dancing" as I think she's probably heard that one before and it'll make her angry, and I don't want anyone upsetting my new girlfriend

*seriously I do.

 

UPDATE

Just checked Wikipedia and she's been single since Feb this year, same as me, and her two eldest kids are about the same age as mine, we have so much in common. If I was on Twitter, this would be trending by now.

We could have a rebound relationship, the very best kind

Anyone knows her or has got degrees of separation to her, let me know.

I just hope half the nation doesn't see her taking her clothes off.

 

Whatever happened to Godfather?

 

This thread has the makings of a one man Edinburgh fringe show.

 

On the contrary. Seems to be picking up now ...

 

Pretty sure there is more out there on the internet for you to virtue signal at than Kelso’s dirty weekend a couple of decades ago.

 

Well I did work on the Edinburgh Fringe five years ago so happy to give it a go ...

 

Artificial Intelligence at work.

 

It's Coleen Nolan, one ell.

You'll never win the fair maiden if you misspell her name.

Make sense not to overcompensate & call her Colin.

 

I'm 1.73m, the same as Sergio Aguero & Don Bradman.

Talking of Lake Maggiore, we once stopped of for the night in Stresa, just one stop on, I see, from Arona.

We hadn't prebooked but, after a quick haggle, the missus bagged the junior Hornets & us balconied rooms facing the lake, all for the price of Euro 100.

Excellent value!

Returning from dinner, the spell was broken by the receptionist telling us the correct price was Euro 100 for each room.

The next morning, still enraged by this rather Continental way of doing business, we hatched our plan.

I nipped to a cashpoint, took out Euro 100 &, with the lads, discreetly loaded up the car.

Motor running, we awaited the missus who was, at that moment, slapping Euro 100, not a penny more nor less, on the check out counter.

20 mins saw us through the Simplon & into the welcoming bosom of Switzerland.

 

I just watched a movie. I may watch another one and have some chocolate.

 

Cheers RookeryDad, once I've wooed her and she is mine, I was going to call her Col anyway

 

Intriguing.

 

Excellent. We have a proper contender ...

 

Or Col Nol as a more formal yet playful form of address.

Then Col Bloke??!

This thread, whilst nominally about scrapes, has taken a decidedly romantic turn.

Btw, 'Col' could be mistaken for an abbreviation of Colonel.

Please be careful to be avoid being introduced as 'Mr Bloke & the Colonel' at social gatherings.

 

Spoiler: Don't open if you're not in to larger ladies.....

 

Surely the tattoo was the more interesting bit of the o.p.

 

Maybe not having a tattoo is more newsworthy these days.

Alexis Sanchez, once of a neighbouring parish, was slightly shunned by other Chilean players for not having tatts.

 

This is mansplaining of the worst kind.

 

Really? And why's that then?

 

You used CAPITALS to emphasise your understanding that a female wouldn't mind what you posted like you actually are her.
The very definition of mansplaining from wikipedia: In its original use, Mansplaining differed from other forms of condescension in that it is rooted in the sexist assumption that a man is likely to be more knowledgeable than a woman.[7] However, it has come to be used more broadly, often applied when a man takes a condescending tone in an explanation to anyone, regardless of the age or gender of the intended recipients: a "man 'splaining" can be delivered to any audience.[2] In 2010 it was named by the New York Times as one of its "Words of the Year"

 

Oh and I was only joking in the first place. Now I've had to mansplain that back at you. ****s sake you ******* **** **** ****er!!!

 

Well I've never heard of it previously and it sounds pretty daft to me despite what the New York Times might say. Same goes for most 'new words' really.

Anyway, I'm not saying that I know her better than her herself. Just that I know her better than anyone else on here who don't know her at all. And I like to treat people as individuals. All women included in that. And she was a bit of a one-off so I made my judgement call. That judgement remains.

What I wasn't expecting was that the first response would be ridiculously judgemental. And that various other bits of p.c. b.llocks would continue to come out of the woodwork along the way. If I'd simply been asked if maybe I was betraying a confidence then I'd simply have said no citing the defence previously given. Which you now seem to have objections to as well.

I don't consider my o.p. as sexist in any way. Nor was it derogatory to a particular woman or women in general. Nor was it ladz. I don't do ladz. Maybe a bit of bantz but really simply a factual record of an incident in my life, without the use of poetic licence, which I thought was amusing and thankfully some others seem to have too. I wasn't expecting the Spanish Inquisition.

A few years back on here I promoted a scheme by which the HofC could achieve 50% female membership at a stroke and defended it against all-comers. Hardly the actions of a sexist. And I still reckon that would do far more for the cause of equality than some of the platitudes expressed on this thread.

 

I'm not sure this qualifies but here goes:
Ten years or so ago I was paying the bill for our Over 35s Herts team at The Grand in Eastbourne,prior to the final day of play.
I was aware of two Americans behind me.
I was wearing my spectacles and a 'USA Tennis' t shirt,that I'd swapped with the US skipper at the world champs the previous year.*
As I walked away the American lady said 'say,are you Billie Jean King?'
I politely said 'no' and walked down to Devonshire Park.
By the time I arrived the tale was rife and Julie Wilson the Surrey captain thought that BJK must be in trauma if people in California thought she was me!
Apart from the fact that BJK is approximately 18 years older than me,six inches shorter and about two stone heavier,it was an understandable error on the American lady's part!
*Not quite Pele and Bobby Moore but hey ho!