Bargain Hunt

Blimey Danny! What a result.

 

No doubt Celtic & Rangers fans scrapping over the knife. Can be very discreetly tucked away for an Old Firm ruck.

 

Danny has earned the right to squeak for once.

Some real turn-ups today. That doggy ornament... *shakes head*

 

Strict Natasha wearing her long Victorian nightie at the end. No exposed Growler shots here.

 

His Squeaking was terrible today. Welllllll squueaaakkkkk.

 

Right....time for a spot of lunch. Next telly-visual highlight of the afternoon is 'Crown Court'. (Talking Pictures, 2.30pm)

 

Yep.....and Tash.

 

Everybody loves a bit of Bully. Scots Magnum gone wrong.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Abernyte 29
Bargain Hunt Series 64
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001hz8k
Natasha Raskin Sharp and the teams are on the lookout for profitable antiques in Abernyte, near Dundee, with assistance from Roo Irvine and Danny Sebastian, before they all head to Glasgow for the day's auction. Natasha also visits HMS Unicorn. Docked in Dundee, she is the world’s most original old ship.

The Translation:
Strict Natasha, for it is she, is in front of a class of Scottish schoolchildren. "Right children, what animal makes the noise woof, woof, woof, woof?". "A dog", says Jenny. "What animal makes the noise Baaaa baaaa baaaa?", she asks. "Sheep, miss" says Lucy. "What creature make the noise Squeak, Squeak, Squeak, Squeak?" Johnny sticks his hand up, "Is it Danny Helium off your show?". "Correct Johnny, and as your rward, you can come and what me physically chastise the headmaster during the break!". Pardon my ignorance but where the fark is Abernyte. Is it another Scottish Miser's McHellHole? In the Land of the Sweaties, Strict Natasha is joined by fellow Scot, the always delightful Roo Irvine and also by BH's own figure-of-fun Danny Trolley Wheel Sebastapol. In Space, no one can hear you Squeak, so let's send him up to Space. Perhaps the Strapping Jocksters, being more aurally attuned from listening to bagpipes, can understand what McSqueak is actually saying. It will probably be a new Auctioneer who will have little chance prising open the hands for some meagre pennies from today's audience. Except it's a grey-haired McWitch, freshly rejected from the Scottish version of The Hobbit. She really puts the Hag into Haggis.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp, Glasgow Southside enforcer
[Red Team Expert] Delightful Roo Irvine, full of Eastern Promise
[Blue Team Expert] Danny Smoke Alarm Sebastapol Sebastian, glass shatters along with any hopes
[Auctioneer] Anita Wigless McWitch Manning, the False Laughing Gavelier
[Auction Location] Great Western Auction Rooms, Glasgow
(Miserlin Rating: Approved)



The Teams:
Reds: Retired and Clinical Hypnotherapist female friends
(Challenge: Decorative tableware)
Blues: Reitred and Dinner Lady female friends.
(Challenge: Kitchenalia)

The Shopping:
[Red Team] 4 decorative china teapots (39 Challenge) fine, Chester silver bangle (44) good, Royal Crown Derby Llama (75) good.
[Blue Team] 1917 Silver purse (75) struggle, Old kitchen scales (68) OK, Dog pin tray (69) good.

The Distraction:
Strict Natasha dons her naval attire along with Cat o' nine tails and head aboard HMS Homophile. She asks if this was a proper re-enactment then she should be allowed a tot of rum and she has a thumping head from the previous night's exploits on the Bucky. Frig-it she drunkenly cries. She's definitely on Shore Leave. All aboard Strict Natasha's Unicorn.

​

The Auction:
[Red Team] 4 decorative china teapots (loss), Chester silver bangle (online profit), Royal Crown Derby Llama (loss).
Roo's BB is the damaged oak chess pieces and table from earlier (99), 80-120, 80, online bid.



[Blue Team] 1917 Silver purse (big profit), Old kitchen scales (largish loss), Dog pin tray (largish profit).
Squeak's BB is a Very worn mother of pearl and silver bladed fruit knife 25, 30-50, 100 online bid.



The Aftermath:
The McMisers were running the Antiques Centre. Painful haggling over 1 pound off the ticket price. 1 of the items was a silver purse which they actually managed to prise open, the Tartan moths head straight out instinctively towards the light for their virgin flights. What a strange auction. McWitch without her wig was a shock. Most items overvalued. It was all over the place. Then the false laughing and slurring kicked in, particularly over the chess table and pieces. The Blacks ARE the enemy she blurts. The Auction itself was pretty horrific, McWitch with all the flair of a cast-iron bootscaper barks out the bids. The Audience had hands stuffed firmly down pockets and it was the online McWitch Cyberspace to the rescue flying, high bids flying in on Cyberbroomsticks. The cackling Misers didn't put in many bids, the big money was from online bids. Roo will have better days as only 1 of her Red Teams items made a profit, an online bid for some Chester silver. The Squeak hit paydirt for once. Large profits on all bar the kitchen scales for a 3-figure overall profit in a Glasgow Auction Room. His knackered fruit knife, disposed of from a Glasgow crime scene made a 75 note profit. Obviously, no fruit crates available to flog today.



The Hi-Kick:
Indoor standard kick. Everyone produces a decent kick and well coordinated. Strict Natasha goes all prim and puritan wearing a Victorian nightie so no exposed Growler kick. Yes, YES!!

​

 

Anita's new look not quite wowing the whole audience, I see:
"...grey-haired McWitch, freshly rejected from the Scottish version of The Hobbit. She really puts the Hag into Haggis. .."

 

haha, vg!
'the False Laughing Gavelier'
great new coinage

 

After The Squeak cleaning up yesterday, can we see fortune smiling on Gary.......... probably not.

The Tool look like he's been abducted by car.

No stereotypes with the Blues, oh no.

Mobile Barista is that a Thermos Flask carrier.

Made in Hong Jong Table Lighter.

Blues fondling rings.

That's 200 quid down the toilet.

 

Polish bead form for the Blues.

More Lorna Bailey.

Iwan Thomas runs this Centre.

Hall stand for Blue shenanigans.

Huge discount. Still a risk.

Blue gardener likes the wild looking doggy brooch.

Every box ticked says Plaidy. Yes says the BBC.

Surely the 200 quid chest is going to sink.

Gary's been on the opium pipe again.

 

God, it's Rees-Mogg.

You must have a Butler says Charl-eh.

Gary's Frankenstein's Tea service lamp.

Still makes a loss. Appallingly bad.

 

Rees-Mogg splendidly cutting about that hallway white elephant.

Gary Pe's BB bordering on the self-caricature.

snigger:
== "Blues fondling rings"

 

BBC approved preamble:
Grantham 26
Bargain Hunt Series 53
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m00069mx
Today’s reds and blues are bargain hunting in Grantham with the help of experts Nick Hall and Gary Pe. Presenter Charlie Ross finds out about four eras of English furniture with auctioneer and expert Colin Young.

The Translation:
Back to Grantham, birthplace of Satan, for today's 'No such thing as Society' tat monitoring in a nearly deserted indoor emporium. Best close it down if it's unprofitable. Posh idiot Charl-eh is joined by Keir Starma stand-in Plaidy Hall and the distinctly unprofitable Gary Peeeeeee. After The Squeak's monumental success with a fruit knife with a highlights cap gone wrong, greyed-out McWitch, then surely it's Gary's turn to make a decent overall profit or even a Golden Gavel? Unfortunately, the Auction is with Rees-Mogg of the ERG, English Fogey Gavellers, so any bids from any Riff-Raff won't be allowed. If he had his way then the whole programme would be conducted in Latin.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Omnifool Charl-eh Ross
[Red Team Expert] Gary BB is PP
[Blue Team Expert] Nick Plaid all Over Hall
[Auctioneer] Nigel Rees-Mogg Kirk, Nanny there's Riff-Raff in my Auction Room
[Auction Location] Mellors & Kirk Auctioneers, Sniff Nottingham Sniff
(Miserlin Rating: One Star)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Father-in-law Business Advisor and daughter-in-law Client Manager. They draw the short straw.
(Challenge: Butler would use)
[Blue Team] Mobile Barista and head uphill-gardener male partners. Where the beans crushed in Grindr.
(Challenge: Related to dogs)

The Shopping:
Reds: Chest of drawers (200) nuclear holocaust, Metal and wood Sorrento-style tray (10 Challenge) Bargain, Art Deco-style dog's head brooch (16) OK.
Blues: Pair of Bakelite Duck Napkin rings (22) OK, Oak Hall Stand (125) ouch, 1930s Scottie dog cufflinks (15 Challenge) good.

The Distraction:
Charl-eh talks classic cars. Charl-eh dreams of a Renault 5 Turbo boy racer with spoilers and ultra-wide wheels but his musings morph into a clapped out Ford Anglia with a leaky exhaust. Well it's his age.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Chest of drawers (huge loss), Metal and wood Sorrento style tray (nice profit), Art Deco-style dog's head brooch (small profit).
Gary's PP BB is a Frankenstein's Tea service lamp (25), 10-20, 20. Utter, utter crap from Gary. Somebody must have bought it as a joke.



Blues: Pair of Bakelite Duck Napkin rings (small profit), Oak Hall Stand (big loss), 1930s Scottie dog cufflinks (profit).
Plaidy's BB is a Hand carved Black Forest figure (55), 40-60, 50, small loss.



The Aftermath:
Another terrible sniffy Rees-Mogg auction, as he can barely be bothered to bid-up for the Riff-Raff. He barely hides his disdain. It's a furniture disaster zone resulting in 2 overall losses. Gary comes up with the worst ever bonus buy. So mind bogglingly sh1te, even at 25 notes, he's paid 50 quid too much (you'd pay someone 25 just to get rid of it.), so no surprise it still makes a loss. The 2 cheap items made profits but the big spend made a big loss. Why do you pay 200 quid for furniture when it doesn't sell for anything like that anymore. Plaidy's nice boys Blues didn't do much better. Profits on the cheap items, a big loss on the wooden Hall stand despite a huge discount. Plaidster's nicely carved BB was severely undersold by Nanny's little helper and it made a small loss.



The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor Hi-Kick. Everyone makes a good attempt. Gary gives us a Kung Fu special while one of the Blues gives a head kick known as the split wheelbarrow.

​

 

Thousands of cinematic works and classic television shows are lost forever due to poor archiving, however the BH episode with Gary Pe's teapot lamp monstrosity survives and gets yet another airing.

No justice.

 

For Posterity's sake, the sh1tt1est item ever bought at Auction on BH.

 

Fark me, a DIY Guide to make one.

 

I feel that teapots that are evil in their life, end up in his studio in death.

 

Bloody Southsea Auction today. However, Christina and Randy will be there. Not all bad.

Ooo-er, playtime with Christina. Yes, please.

She is turned into a Lilliputian gofddess.

Mafiosa Blue bloke.

Red women cream over Sarky. Girls he doesn't bat for your team.

Italian connection - horse's head?

I don't think Sarky likes a naked lady.

Aztec necklace.

Knife and fork for cutting up the assassinated bodies.

 

Does the Mandolin come in a case, to hide a machine pistol.

Sarky humouring Red Auntie.

Don't mess with Vincenzo.

Hen measurer. Hmmmm.

Naked lady is mentioned and Christina gives us one of her very dirty laughs.

Playtime for me she enthuses.

 

125 for those menu holders seems a bit strong

The floss (or the loose interpretation that the older woman did) - cringe.

 

Smarmy antiques salesman not budging below 35. His big moment to show on TV what a dominant alpha he can be and he has taking it.

 

Oh, they're in Pompey. Wasted 30 minutes following so far.

 

Necklace is ghastly

 

Gonna come close to a 3 figure loss today I fancy

 

It's Misertime.

Almost a GG.

Somebody really wanted that ghastly necklace.

Only Sarky with a sizeable loss. What is going on.

2 Overall profits for Pompey????? !!!!!!!! Yup.

Christina says Stinky.

 

What is happening!? 125 for the necklace made in a CDT class.

 

Reds nearly got a GG at the PPPPPP. Still a huge victory and a world class performance from Sarky Marky.

 

Misers are back for the arts and crafts bowl.

 

oh dear.
way to go, 'expert': lose half the money!
Doubly shown up, by his oppo doubling hers.

princess christina has exotic eye make-up today. mmm.
She just referred to "getting stinky". blimey.
oh, christina; i bet not even your sh*t stinks.

 

I like vincenzo.

 

Southon has a nice travelling set. Missed what she paid.

 

Cameron flirting shamelessly with Christina.
20 pounds paid. All day profit even in Portsmouth