Bargain Hunt

You can see why the 'big buy' and 'challenges' were brought into freshen up the show - three red profits on utter tat.

 

Missed the blues buying a rusty milk churn. Lucky profit there. Piece of tat.

 

Wakeman struggling to keep a straight face asking 80 for the cushion

 

I'd buy it, solely use it to wedge up my crack as a fart silencer

 

Madeley's BB marrowly misses the mark

 

6 of the shittiest items to win or almost win a golden gavel. Two of the smallest overall profits ever seen.

 

He deserves to have one made out of a snail's shell.

 

Today's episode is worth watching just to see Tubby confirm his status as one of the worst experts. I'm neutral about Madders. Not great but not total sh1te either.

 

I can imagine Yorks miser using it to scrape his gravy off his plate.

 

Plus Val even dressed like Roo at times; seen here valuing a dagger in the Mummy's Tomb ('no hallmarks, and rather bloodied...try Southsea')

 

Mirror, mirror, on the wall. Who's the fairest one of all. Her-her-her-her.

 

It does look like Madders Madley showing off his hallmarked silver ceremonial knife.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Southwell 27
Bargain Hunt Series 51 Episode 24 of 34
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0bvgyl4
Today's Bargain Hunt with Anita Manning comes from Southwell Racecourse in Nottinghamshire. The reds and blues try to find the best buys, and they are joined by experts Thomas Forrester and Richard Madley. Auctioneer Colin Young takes to the rostrum as the teams' lots go under the hammer in Lincolnshire.

The Translation:
McWitch dons her wig, just like Sean Connery did for Diamonds are Forever, hops, well is hoisted onto her mobility broomstick, and sets about infesting Southwell/Suthall Racecourse with her malign presence. As she is slurring and inanely false laughing, the on-site staff wonder if she has become waylaid from the local Tie A Knot in Your Hankerchief Dementia Relief Centre. Today she is humoured by Toddler-brained Tubby Thomas and Minder Madley not Madeley. Auction is from the Progressive Auction Centre with 20-minute solo gaveller Rick Wakeman. Don't expect monster profits. Her-her-her-her-her.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Anita McWitch Manning, the Glaswegian Baba Yaga
[Red Team Expert] Tubby Thomas Forrester, the plump schoolboy, he enjoys a Hickory shaft.
[Blue Team Expert] Richard D1ckko Madders Madley not Madeley
[Auctioneer] Colin Rapido Young, pre-Rick Wakeman short-haired variant with Alan Sugar-style beard
[Auction Location] Golding Young & Mawer, Bourne, Lincs
(Miserlin Rating: Approved)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Mixed sex older "Friends". He's a Radio Ham.
[Blue Team] Father and Kwai Chang Caine Son-in-Law.

The Shopping:
Reds: Pottery Cockerel (38) topend , Birmingham ilver and enamel belt buckle (28) good, Oak child's chair (12) good.
Blues: 8 thimbles in a box (15) OK, Milk churn (34) OK, Sweetheart pin cushion, for voodoo control of your lover (40).

The Distraction:
McWitch harangues some punters about a carafe and a teapot. All bar one look underneath the items to find a proper hallmark on the carafe. Basic McNoddy stuff.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Pottery Cockerel (good profit), Birmingham silver and enamel belt buckle (small profit), Oak child's chair (small profit).
Tubby's BB is a silver and enamel drum pill box (55), slightly damaged 80-120, 35, yes almost wipes out the skinflints profit. It'll really hurt him LOL. Tubby you are sh1te. Jewellery expert my arse.

​

Blues: 8 boxed thimbles (small profit), Milk churn (1 quid profit), Sweetheart pin cushion, for voodoo control of your lover (evens stevens). Almost a GG.
Madders BB is a Victorian silver-plated marrow spoon (30), 10-30, 25, a loss.

​

The Aftermath:
A decent auction to be fair, just a shame it was 6 of the sh1tt1est items to win or almost win a golden gavel. 2 of the smallest overall profits ever seen. 2 BBs that make losses including another piece of jewellery from "expert" Tubby Thomas. The tightarsed Son of Scrooge, if Scrooge spent a few pennies with a desperate lady of the night round the back of the chip shop, got a Golden Gavel (should be made out of flint and snail shell) with some of the smallest profits seen. Luckily, Tubby's overpriced BB almost wiped out his profit, probably leaving enough for 2 Chip Butties. Blues made a profit of a pound. Don't spend it all at once. LOL.



The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor kick. McWitch casts her usual befuddlement spell so it's an uncoordinated shambles. Yorkshire lady puts her bore of a husband to shame. Tubby Thomas' horse has bolted from under him and Madders is so late that his kick has already gone into next week.

​

 

It was probably too hot and the Production Team had run out of ideas. All the local museums and places of interest probably vetoed being in the same room as McWitch.

 

While we're at it.

 

Eric, Dizzie, Plaidy, and the Third Armpit now await.

Notts pit. Scab, Scab, Scab, Scab!!!!

Uncle Eric has his shirt button undone. How daring.

Poetry Workshop unsurpers. Looks like she may have done alot of drugs in the 60s/70s.

Dizzie' has her 70s hat on again.

 

"We'll keep you fit Izzie".

Sh1tty industrial lamps.

Gladstone bust would be bust for them.

Plaidy cutting it fine.

 

Reds: lighter -i predict it will scrape a small profit
Pruners - I predict a loss
Lamps - predict a significant loss

Blues:

Inkwell- small profit
Chair - small profit
Vase - 30+ quid loss

 

Eric & Dizzie both glowing on Regulo 8.

Must have been absolute bar-steward filming those last summer.

 

Looks like those lights might come crashing down on their heads. Ouch.

Semi-naked lady on that vase.

Tight estimates.

Oh dear, tarnished button hook, 80 notes, I sold one once for 90. Oh dear. Dizzie that is dreadful.

Dreadful Auction so far LOL.

 

Izzie with the boot hook for 80 quid. Don't do it!

 

Good rejection.

 

Lazy BB by Izzie TBH. That was a JP standard piece of ****.

 

Dizzie's hair colour today exactly matches the red BH banner behind her.

Rooesque Bluebird quite pleasing.

That chair is a cracker

 

Chair absolutely flew!

 

At last, a sodding profit.

Plaidy trying his luck with the sampler.

He delivers again.

Well done Plaidy.

 

Nick's BB is an offcut of manky carpet in a frame

 

Piece of social history there.

 

Nick did well there. Went out to find something with a personal connection to the team and got a good price.

All too often the BB is an obvious lazy buy just phoned in by an expert wanting to get back to their trailer for some groupies and bourbon

 

Uncle Eric matches the creosote colouring of that wooden fence.

 

glad to see that last lot did so well.
Hours of work, two centuries old...good shout from expert

 

BBC approved preamble:
Newark 32
Bargain Hunt Series 64
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001j0kz
Eric Knowles and the teams look for valuable antiques at Newark Showground in Nottinghamshire. Experts Izzie Balmer and Nick Hall are on hand to try to steer them to a profit at auction. Meanwhile, Eric visits Bestwood Winding Engine House, which used to be one of the busiest collieries in the county.

The Translation:
Uncle Eric is back in one of the usual East Midlands haunts, the Newark Showground in Notts. Seems like yesterday they had Newark International Antiques & Collectors Fair, so the effects of Foghorn, Tubby Thomas, and The Squeak have failed to put the organisers off from holding future events. there When the word BH threesome is mentioned and these names crop up the disappointment can be devastating. Anyway, onto matters at hand, Uncle Eric is joined, for this installment of Refuse Recycling, by Dizzie Izzie, lets hope her honeypot is overflowing with seasonal goodness, and the National Trust property synonym Plaidy Hall. Auction will be in an agreeable man bunker down a deserted pit shaft with Sean Devitt, and his facial third armpit, the oxter Scaramanga, The Man with the Golden Gavel. Perhaps he'll need to assume a new identity, Count Tatula could be a Prime candidate for resurrection. Standby for 2 puncture wounds on Mary Goodnight's neck and Roger Eyebrows joining the undead, if he wasn't already.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Uncle Eric Knowles, he loves a sausage
[Red Team Expert] Dizzie Izzie Barmy Balmer, the resident apiarist, giving plenty of honey for our money.
[Blue Team Expert] Nick Plaid All Over Hall
[Auctioneer] Sean Third Armpit Devitt, the oxter Scaramanga, The Man with the Golden Gavel
[Auction Location] Bamfords, Derbyshire
(Miserlin Rating: Approved)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Retired Male Friends, former Fire Fighters.
(Challenge: Connected to Fire)
[Blue Team] Female Friends who met in a poetry workshop. The elder one looks like she may have done alot of drugs in the 60s/70s.
(Challenge: Related to writing)

The Shopping:
Reds: Novelty brass bottle cigarette lighter (20 Challenge) might struggle, Tree pruners (28) OK, Pair of industrial lights (100) ouch.
Blues: Art Nouveau Pewter desk ink well (32 Challenge) topend, Wooden office swivel chair (35) OK, Wilkinsons 'Pans Garden' lustreware vase (75) might struggle.

The Distraction:
I think the word Scab comes to mind when talking about coal mining and Nottinghamshire. It wasn't just about the decimation of the UK mining industry, the divide and conquer of the militant mining unions, it was the fact that nothing new was brought in to replace it. Whole communities left just to rot, a political punishment for daring to be left of centre. Still, perhaps some mining ephemera will make it to the various tat Jumble Jamboree that seem to be 10 a penny these days. Such adequate compensation for decades of heavy industrial fortitude.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Novelty brass bottle cigarette lighter (small loss), Tree pruners (small loss), Pair of industrial lights (big loss).
Dizzie's BB is a Victorian tarnished silver button hook (80), REJECTED 30-50, 30. Big loss.



Blues: Art Nouveau Pewter desk ink well (loss), Wooden office swivel chair (decent profit), Wilkinson's 'Pans Garden' lustreware vase (loss).
Plaidy's BB is a 1823 needlework sampler (40), 40-60, 95, fantastic 55 note profit. Superb work Plaidster.



The Aftermath:
Poor auction. Everything undervalued as it's obviously an official branch of the Union of Democratic Miselings. Miserlin Rating upgraded to Approved in response. It was a Dizzie disaster for the Reds, so much so, that even though they had to nothing to lose, except their dignity, they rejected her dreadful tarnished discarded meat skewer masquerading as a Victorian silver button hook. Those industrial lamps were a disaster waiting to crash on their heads. So, a significant 2-figure loss would have been 3-figures if they had gone with the BB. Plaidy-led Blues had a couple of small losses but made a decent profit on the stylish chair and cleaned up with his excellent needlework sampler BB resulting in an excellent significant 2-figure profit.



The Hi-Kick:
Outdoor kick next to some patio furniture, looks like someone's back garden. Everyone bar one of the Red blokes and the frail old poet Blue make par. Plaidy shoots and scores while Izzie almost shows us her buzzing Hive.

​

 

Continuing the FireFighting theme, here's Viz's take on the profession: