Bargain Hunt

State of those auction 'bidders.' The living dead.

 

After the commode earlier Rick gives us a pair of stools.

Dreadful auction, a loss and a break even in front of the retired misers convention.

 

Colin Wakeman is quite a safe pair of hands as an expert. Shyte as an auctioneer

 

Danny awful at building the tension. If you know that neither team made a profit and you know you broke even, then you know you can't have lost.

No more presenting please Danny Essex. They're trying but they're not gonna make you a star.

 

Diversity Dan squeaks, I mean, ticks the "Your BBC" tick box.

 

The Squeak arrives in Blackpool. Luckily, his dressing room is ready, adorned with a remarkable likeness of himself.

 

"There's only one winner on this show"

Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Mr Sebastien!

It's a well known fact that there are NO losers on Bargain Hunt.

Also a poorly co-ordinated and executed kick. He started off the arm linking way too late.

Who decided to let him do presenting?

"Pair o' coffee mugs, nine quid, ye can't GO WRong!" Rattled my lampshades that squeek.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Blackpool 19
Bargain Hunt Series 64
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001hj91
Danny Sebastian and the teams scour the antiques shops in Blackpool with experts Izzie Balmer and Colin Young. Danny learns how to make Blackpool rock.

The Translation:
Oh no, it's the Sebastapol Squeak,
Today, scouring the tat shops on the Golden Piles of Blackpool are Danny Ajax Squeaky Clean Sebastapol, who's joined by fellow elbow greasers, Rick Vim Winkleman, and his Prog J-cloths and Dizzie Brillo Fuzz Barmy, who will be scrubbing for all she's worth. Will profits be cleaned out or will there be a big clump of greasy reddies for the 2 teams (probably the former).

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Danny Smoke Alarm Sebastapol Sebastian, glass shatters along with any hopes
[Red Team Expert] Dizzie Izzie Barmy Balmer, another member of The 93%, She enjoys a Ram.
[Blue Team Expert] Colin Rapido Young, non-Rick Wakeman variant
[Auctioneer] John Les Patterson Cook
[Auction Location] Lytham St Annes, Lancs
(Miserlin Rating: Approved)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Mixed sex colleagues who work in IT.
(Challenge: Connection to water)
[Blue Team] Female Friends Project and Business Manager.
(Challenge: Connection to animals)

The Shopping:
Reds: Pair of gawdy gold-plated china cups and saucers (5 Challenge) Bargain, Victorian mahogany mirror (40) topend, Train-shaped clock (75) struggle.
Blues: Oriental vase (7 Challenge) Bargain, Art Nouveau Pewter serving dish (75) good, Art Deco Charlotte Rhead bowl (40) topend.

The Distraction:
The Squeak demonstrates why he is missing some teeth when he visits a Blackpool rock factory. While the Sugar and glucose syrup is being mangled, followed by The Squeak mangling the English Language. Squeak squeak Blackpool squeak.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Pair of gawdy gold-plated china cups and saucers (small profit), Victorian mahogany mirror (loss), Train-shaped clock (evens stevens).
Dizzie's BB is a Swedish glass vase (30), 30-40, 36, small profit. Nice find Dizzie.



Blues: Oriental vase (small profit), Art Nouveau Pewter serving dish (profit), Art Deco Charlotte Rhead bowl (loss).
Rick's BB is a pair of Victorian tools (29), 30-50, 34, a small profit.



The Aftermath:
Dreadful Auction with lisping Les and an audience of George A Romero extras. Not a complete disaster but a small overall loss and a breakeven with the Lancs cheapskates. Only small profits on Dizzie and Rick's BBs but what more could they do.



The Hi-Kick:
Conventional Auction Kick. Very raggedy as you would expect from Dustbin Dan. Dizzie gives a partial sideways Growler. Reds kicking is OK but Blues are very pisspoor. No, NO!!

​

 

You were the biggest star in British TV at one stage. There's an interesting bit, in the very good, "Funny, Peculiar: The True Story of Benny Hill" the recounts Hill's first attempt to break into TV that ended up with a "funny-off" between him and Peter Sellars to see who would be your second banana/ straight man on your TV Show.

 

Source?

 

Well, phase one complete! Job jacked in today. Now to get the van!

 

Milk usually comes from cows, mate.


https://pingouin-grincheux.net/WordPress/2014/05/13/charmes-pologne-leurovision/

 

'MoogMan: Salvage Hunter and Tat Touter'. coming soon to Blaze. watch out Drew Pritchard. (and any posh blonde 40-somethings en route...)

 

Nor today: nasty open shirt displaying ghastly geezer chest hair, the sleazebag.
Lunchtime family viewing? I think not. 'Dear Points Of View....'

 

Yer, I was thinking where's your medallion you lounge lizard.

 

Doc Bronze: Man of Salvage

 

Today, it's Bath time fun with Uncle Eric and the gang.

At least it's not a Tourist Tat Shop today.

2 sets of fuller-figured Mothers & Daugheters.

Dr Evil is going to have his hands full.

Decent challenges.

 

Timpole Tudor Weeks on the rostrum. Good buys will get good bids with the egotistical gavel wielding hearthrob

 

Nice bit of Poole pottery.

Hopeless haggling from the Blues.

Fussy ladies.

160, gulp, your best price, 150. Hopeless haggle. say 90 and start from there.

Handling a Ram.

Steph looking enticing in Olive Green raincoat. What's underneath. Sweat, pant.

Check to see if'it's in good condition says Raj. Yup it might be worth doing that.

Soon as Raj explains it's not the right stopper, dealer drops his price.

Pigeon racing clock. LOL

 

FAR too sensible, isn't he ?

 

Go on Steph, get the Pigeon racing clock as your BB.

Dizzie Distraction.

Time for the hallmarked silver bejewelled butt-plug.

G Hunt silver, cough. Almost.

Some curved Scandi shapes. Mind boggles.

Tubby Thomas take note of these trends.

 

Treepole Desperado Love Love Love Want.

Not very optimistic today.

Nice bit of Chester silver from Raj. Great find.

Trinket box straight in at 50 then nothing else.

Who's p1ssed on Treepole's chips?

Another good BB from Steph.

 

God he was in a bad mood during the valuing. Did somebody dent his Dinky's?

 

BBC approved preamble:
Bath 20
Bargain Hunt Series 57
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000scqy
Eric Knowles is in the saddle for today’s Bargain Hunt from Bath Racecourse. Galloping around the fair with the reds and blues are experts Stephanie Connell and Raj Bisram, but what are the odds of them making a profit at auction with auctioneer Tim Weeks? Eric talks jewellery with expert Izzie Balmer to find out the latest trends and what to look out for at fairs and auctions.

The Translation:
Today we're with Uncle Eric, our Old Spice soap on a rope, to have fun and a larf in Bath. Joining us in the suds and bubbles will be Bath Bomb Dr Evil and Luxury Bath Cube Our Steph. Hopefully, they will all come out of this glowing and pleasantly fragrant, just so long as the products weren't sequestered from Lush otherwise we'll be dealing with Jericho effect skin and eye burns. Raising the Gavel will be Treepole Weeks hopefully smelling the sweet smell of success rather than a scaly rash experience.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Uncle Eric Knowles, as safe as houses, he does love a sausage
[Red Team Expert] Raj Dr Evil Bisram
[Blue Team Expert] Stephanie Connell, the Cockermouth Cumbrian, the Auction-world state-educated trailblazer, poster girl for The 93%
[Auctioneer] Timpole Tudor Wunderbar Weeks
[Auction Location] Wessex Auction Rooms, Chippenham
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Mother & Daugheter, Shop Manager and Office Manager.
(Challenge: Poole pottery)
[Blue Team] Mother & Daugheter, Hairdresser and Account Manager
(Challenge: Art Nouveau)

The Shopping:
Reds: Poole Delphis pottery plate (27 Challenge) topend, Caughley pottery bowl (75) topend, Silver wrong-topped scent bottle (35) OK.
Blues: Art Nouveaux Birmingham silver trinket box (90 Challenge) might struggle, Ram doorstop (15) OK, Vintage Mobo rocking horse (50) struggle.

The Distraction:
Uncle Eric talks with Miss Matey Beezie Dizzie Izzie, our resident apiarist, who asks if he fancies some delights from her sweet repository. He confesses that he always fancied to try some Lancs sausage immersed in extra virgin honey dribbling from a great piece of comb. Later on he finds out about the latest trends about jewellery from Dizzie. Perhaps Bath Bun, Tubby Thomas should listen to pick up some pointers as his expertise in this area seems to be waning, even if it didn't wax very far in the first place.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Poole Delphis pottery plate (nice profit), Caughley pottery bowl (loss), Silver wrong-topped scent bottle (good profit).
Raj's BB is a Chester silver topped glass vanity bowl (20), 25-40, 42. Great find Raj.



Blues: Art Nouveaux Birmingham silver trinket box (largish loss), Ram doorstop (decent profit), Vintage Mobo rocking horse (loss).
Steph's BB is a Mid-Victorian amber glass scent bottle (50), 20-30, 100. Excellent buy Steph. You're getting a really good rep as an expert.



The Aftermath:
Online Desperado auction. Profits usually a lot more difficult, see Hanson struggle in praeteritum as documented in these pages. For whatever reason Treepole was p1ssed off with something/someone. Very unenthusiastic during the valuations, obviously got out the wrong side of his king-sized four-poster that morning. Raj's Reds had a good day, they overpaid slightly for the Caughley pottery bowl which torpedoed a Golden Gavel, but otherwise a decent shop and Raj is always good value. Steph's Blue Team day was a mixed bag. Treepole really down in the dumps regarding the items probably didn't help. Trinket box was straight in at 50 then no further bids. I'm sure having a physical Audience present would have driven the price up. The Vintage rocking horse was just a wrong buy at that price and it was down to Steph to turn around a largish loss to a small overall profit with a superb BB. She trusted her instincts and the team came out trumps. Treepants was very unenthusiastic about her amber glass scent bottle which doubled it's money to turn over a ton.



The Hi-Kick:
Outdoor Covid diagonal kick on uneven grass. Decent wobbly effort. Steph manages par with heels on that ground, good effort. Yes, YES!!

​

 

Probably had Phil Oakey on 'phone threatening to sue for defamation of hairstyle.

 

Dizzy Izzy and a ram on the same show again.

Well done Steph! Tut tut Tim. One of those occasions when you'd love to see a postmatch quizzing of the wrongfooted valuer. But I suppose that falls into the verboten category alongside interviewing refs at fulltime etc.

 

And when Tim claims not to know what he means, Phil replies "ffs, just look in the mirror, man..."


I'll get me coat

 

Steph and Christina appear to be wearing the same green coat. Are they sharing any other items of clothing? Do they share other items, interests, each other's company? I think we should be told or at the very least allowed to speculate wildly.

Love Action? I'll get my Green coat.

 

Chortle chortle....

 

When I was a Sheffield student and living in Broomhill, Phil Oakey lived a stone's throw away, you could see all his music paraphernalia in his front room. You also used to see him shopping in the local International Supermarket. The 2 Human League girls were often out and about in Sheffield City centre in the evenings on the razzle dazzle. There was a particularly pervy technician in the Chemistry Department who lived near where the blonde girl, Sue Anne?, lived and would deliver reports on what his binoculars observed on her/her Mum's washing line.

 

Being Boiled comes to mind when I see Muttley's gammon face.

 

Susanne Sulley (not to be confused with Susan Tully of Grange Hill/EastEnders fame) was the blondie, Joanne Catherall was the brunette. Phil had them both at various times, have often wondered.......

 

that yoke-loving bluebird the other day...

lookeylike echo of early 70s Czechoslovakian popster Miluska. (here seen dancing in mini-dress: from 30 seconds in)


Curiously, bits of Dizzy Izzy in there too? Teeth especially.

Sadly, 'Daj Daj!' does NOT actually mean 'Yes, Yes!' which would have nicely completed the BH circle of delight

 

blimus!
Reg and Harefield Yellow have sentenced us to TWO sets of lesbionic fantasies, to run concurrently.

fetch moog's gravy boat...

 

Back on topic...that was a very nice bit of Poole today. Only thing that cheered Tim up too.