1. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Reservist

    ha! good idea, tbf. (the Poo Stick?) three items make a total three figure loss and you get one. make a Dusty Bin moment out if it. it'd be a nice consolation for the useless.
    Of course, you'd have to keep a casting director eye out for 'wacky' Student Grants deliberately trying to win it.
     
    reg_varney and wfcmoog like this.
  2. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    Christina is such a sensual being that a mere Jigsaw Puzzle sends her into realms of ecstasy.

    Christina1.jpeg Christina2.jpeg
    Christina5.jpeg Christina4.jpeg

    Christina6.jpeg Christina3.jpeg
     
    OldTraff78 likes this.
  3. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    Cough, yes, splutter, YES!!!!!!!!

    Legs.jpg
     
    OldTraff78 likes this.
  4. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    Scrooge's Pompey Penny Pinching Parlour looks like it was once a branch of Cash Converters/Pawn/Porn Shop.

    Nesbits.jpg
     
  5. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    BBC approved preamble:
    Ardingly 21
    Bargain Hunt Series 57
    https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000rht5
    Ardingly in West Sussex is the location for today’s programme. Christina Trevanion is in charge, with experts Nick Hall and Ochuko Ojiri helping the red and blue teams spend £300 looking for treasures. Christina looks at the history of English jigsaw company Victory Games. As usual, the teams face profits and losses at the auction, but which team will come out on top?

    The Translation:
    Another Covid Holocaust Series 57 episode which means anti-social distancing, weird, oblique, diagonal, wide-angled, camera shots, weird long haircuts, desolate Antiques Centres, a purely online Auction, so profits at a premium. Super hot Christina will don her protective Green coat and armed with ebullient charm, natural radiance and a dirty laugh she will brave the stark abyss that is Ardingly Antiques Fair in West Sussex. Ah it's outside, so restrictions are not so drastic. Her helpmates today are Plaidy Hall and Commando Chuko, so decent experts. Talking of Abysses, the Auction is with MB in Pompey. Stand by for Losses Galore!!

    The Staff:
    [Gaffer] Steamstress Christina Trevanion, Doyen of the dirty laugh, you get so much more bang for your buck.
    [Red Team Expert] Nick Plaid All Over Hall
    [Blue Team Expert] Ochuko Commando Chuko Ojiri, commando on top, let's hope he's not commando below.
    [Auctioneer] John Marine Boy Cameron
    [Auction Location] Southsea, Pompey, Pompey, Southsea
    (Miserlin Rating: One Star)

    Start.jpeg Auction.jpeg

    The Teams:
    [Red Team] Tour Guide young couple (no BBC tick boxing)
    (Challenge: ) With a drawer
    [Blue Team] Another couple, Furniture remover and retired other half (no BBC tick boxing), though bald Mark Gatiss Blue bloke has a crutch.
    (Challenge: ) With a handle

    The Shopping:
    Reds: Vintage Brass lamp (60) topend, House clearance 19th Century ship's wheel (140) topend, Wooden oak barrel cupboard with a drawer (90 Challenge) not hopeful.
    Blues: Blacksmith figure (13 Challenge) Good, Bronze flapper girl (190) ooof, Wooden bread bowl (29) Good.

    The Distraction:
    Christina finds out about Jigsaw puzzles. Time to get Jiggy and Sore with our favourite hostess. There's a BH jig with just Christina missing. BTW, it's not me who's nicked those pieces. Victory Games sounds like something out of Orwell's 1984. Christina!! Big Brother will be watching you very closely on his telescreen semi-naked in his vest and pants. Time for some Ministry Of Love.

    Distraction.jpeg

    The Auction:
    Reds: Vintage Brass lamp (loss), House clearance 19th Century ship's wheel (large loss), Wooden oak barrel cupboard with a drawer (large loss).
    Plaidy's 10 note BB is a 1930s Art Deco Charlotte Rhead vase, slightly damaged (10), 20-30, 15. Well done getting a fiver out of the Misers Plaidy.

    Barrel.jpeg Vase.jpeg

    Blues: Blacksmith figure (nice profit), Bronze flapper girl (large loss), Wooden bread bowl (profit).
    Chuko's BB is a wooden oak campaign bed (40), 40-60, 70. 30 pound profit from Chuko at Pompey!!

    RudeFigure.jpeg CampaignBed.jpeg

    The Aftermath:
    Pompey Dutch Auction Plaidy's Reds spent big which is bad news if you'r going to Southsea. So all their items made a loss with big losses to 2 big spend items. Plaidy with a tenner to spend managed to winkle a fiver out of Steptoe with a damaged but still nice bit of Charlotte Rhead. However, it wasn't enough to prevent a 3-figure loss. Chucko's Blues only had one big spend item and that made a big loss. Quelle surprise! The other 2 modest items made profits, and for some reason his BB of a skip-saved oak campaign bed, must be some kinky swingers in Portsmouth, made an enormous 30 note profit. In an amazing shop, the Blues made a tiny loss, guaranteeing them victory.

    RedLoss.jpeg BlueLoss.jpeg

    The Hi-Kick:
    Indoor Covid diagonal. Good effort all round. Nice shot of Christina's leather encased legs. Yes, fark YES!!

    HiKick.jpeg
     
    OldTraff78 likes this.
  6. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    Just trying to work out who's getting the "benefit" of Charlie's right fist. It could well be Muttley. He's slightly re-adjusted his posture and he has a coy look. Grim.

    Christina-Trevanion-held-aloft2.jpg

    Confessions of an antiques expert! would be a welcome addition to the series. If they could set it in the late 60s/early 70s, even better. Lucky, Timothy Lea.

    upload_2023-1-26_1-29-48.png
     
    OldTraff78 likes this.
  7. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    They could even have a Dirty Sanchez moment with the stick giving a pencil line moustache over the top lip while a swanee whistle plays.
     
  8. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    It's Klubb Tragicooper and a Hanson Auction today. If he has a bad day then he truly is sh1te.
     
  9. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    Strict Natasha is some summer of love type attire.

    Blues already annoying. Blue Wife has weird eyelids, like one of those wrinkled dogs.

    Poor Trilly might well be shagged out by the end.

    Rocking horse, sporting association challenge? LOL

    "Shall we just buy Big Ben". "You can buy me if you wish", says Tragicooper. Massive loss if so.

    Sh1ttey cartwheel. A Tragicooper special.

    125 quid for that walking stick. Don't do it.

    Sh11tey bellows. Throw it on the fire not by it. Awful.

    Sh1ttey till already sold. Bullet dodged. Trouble is there will be an even bigger bullet round the corner.
     
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2023
  10. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    Blues really are tw@ts.

    More tat from Cooper. Unbelievable rubbish.

    Damaged Poole pot for 75. LOL.

    Blue masterclass in tw@ttery.
     
  11. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    Massive overspends on some mediocre items today. Not liking the chances of any profit.

    The only lucky thing is that 48 quid till was sold.
     
    reg_varney likes this.
  12. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    90 quid for 30 quid's worth of wheelbarrow? Done!
     
    reg_varney likes this.
  13. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    20 quid worth of silver on a 20 quid stick?

    £125 please!
     
    reg_varney likes this.
  14. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    That Bellows to fan Cooper's destruction.

    Perhaps Jericho Hawley should have the Bellows.
     
  15. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    That Ingersol footy pocketwatch is OK though.

    A genuine Pearl necklace is on the cards.

    3 different types: hand shandy, creampie, and dirtpipe milkshake.

    Lusty pearls.

    Lustre with a glossy finish. Snigger.

    Get ready for Hanson.
     
    OldTraff78 likes this.
  16. Harefield Yellow

    Harefield Yellow First Year Pro

    Hmmm. Tash & pearl necklaces.....

    'Nuff said.
     
  17. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    Wang He, isn't that a joke name.

    Not looking good for either team. Cooper for Reds, crap items for the Blues.

    Bellows bollox. LOL.

    Here we go. Tragicooper Masterclass.

    Another loss. LOL.

    Bingo. All 3 losses. LOL x 100

    A cheap barometer as BB.

    9 pound profit a massive Carwin for Carloss.
     
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2023
  18. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    Minus 64
    I think that's a winning score
     
  19. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    Minus 75 already for the blues. Well earned.
     
  20. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    Cooper might win !!!!!!

    Trilly may need to get an outstanding BB.

    A beautiful cut body says Hanson.

    Drags loss below 3-figures.
     
  21. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    The wheelbarrow will tip them into 3 figs for sure
     
  22. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    Thar wheelbarrow will be lucky to make it home without falling apart from all the rot.
     
    reg_varney likes this.
  23. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    Elongated syllables Bliss offers a 20 quid bottle. Not a bad price.
     
  24. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    Bliss brings them under the century of loss. Shame as they bought terribly.
     
  25. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    Carloss Carwins. Pigs fly. Buy those lottery tickets now.

    Blues were complete tw@ts and made to look like the chumps they were.

    Strict Natasha, Pearl necklaces, Useless Cooper, tw@tty Blues, vaguely attractive Red Bird for OT, and Hanson equals an entertaining episode.
     
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2023
    OldTraff78 likes this.
  26. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    Yes, I am ssshhhhhiiiiiit.

    Shite.jpg
     
    OldTraff78 likes this.
  27. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    The reopening of the Channel Tunnel. Reminds me of an egg-eating snake. Any bids for how many we could get in here, 3 .... 4 ...... 5!!!!!!

    Bliss.jpg
     
  28. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    BBC approved preamble:
    Oswestry 3
    Bargain Hunt Series 58
    https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000stvp
    Natasha Raskin Sharp and the teams go bargain hunting with experts Ben Cooper and Kate Bliss at the Oswestry Showground in Shropshire before seeing how their items fare when Charles Hanson wields his gavel in the auction room. Kate Bliss has some top tips on buying jewellery and shows how to distinguish an imitation from the real thing.

    The Translation:
    Strict Natasha, the Judge Dread of the tat Bazaar, turns up at the Mega-City One Jumble Sale at the Oswestry Showground in Shropshire to declare that "I am the Law" before disqualifying everything in site. She is joined by her fellow enforcers Klubb Tragicooper as Judge Joey Deacon, and Trilly Bliss as Judge Cassandra Anderson, in her tight fitting uniform, and gun made of silver. The Auction will be presided over by Judge Hanson from which there will be Dread-ful consequences.

    The Staff:
    [Gaffer] Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp, a Southside girl, break the rules and get a Glasgow kiss
    [Red Team Expert] Ben FBI (Farking Bloody Idiot) Very Special Agent Stale Cooper, a Twit Speaks
    [Blue Team Expert] Posh Kate Shrilly Trilly Bliss, today's No 6, be seeing you
    [Auctioneer] Charles Hanson, The Phineas T Barnum of the Auction World, Bring on The Clown
    [Auction Location] Hanson Auction House, Bishton Hall, Staffs
    (Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)

    Start.jpeg Auction.jpeg

    The Teams:
    [Red Team] Musician Boyfriend and Singer Girlfriend.
    (Challenge: Designed to make a noise)
    [Blue Team] General Manager Husband and weird-eyelidded wifey who met in a pub.
    (Challenge: Sporting connection)

    The Shopping:
    Reds: Fire service foot bellows (45) OK, 1930s Boxed Gramophone (40 Challenge) topend, Large Poole pottery vase, slightly damaged (75) topend.
    Blues: Chinese silver tipped walking stick (125) ouch burn, Ingersol football pocketwatch (20 Challenge) Good, Knackered wheelbarrow (90) ouch burn twice.

    The Distraction:
    Trilly shows us how to fake one, particularly if she's had a tiring day and just wants to have a Radox bath, a cup of cocoa, and then an early night (not for that), but to sleep. Strict Natasha says she is always up for it particularly after a bottle of Bucky. Trilly demonstrates how to get a genuinely magnificent Pearl necklace. Wearing the tightest dress usually helps.

    Distraction.jpeg

    The Auction:
    Reds: Fire service foot bellows (largish loss), 1930s Boxed Gramophone (loss), Large Poole pottery vase, slightly damaged (largish loss).
    Carloss BB is a wooden Edwardian walnut barometer (13), 30-50, 22, a massive Carwin for Carloss.

    Bellows.jpeg Barometer.jpeg

    Blues: Chinese silver tipped walking stick (big loss), Ingersol football pocketwatch (small profit), Knackered wheelbarrow (large loss).
    Trilly's BB is a silver collared etched scent bottle with mismatched stopper (20), 30-40, 45. Good profit, a decent BB Trilly.

    SilverStick.jpeg ScentBottle.jpeg

    The Aftermath:
    9 pound profit from Carloss turns him very briefly into Carwin. However, it was still a significant 2-figure loss which is about the best you can hope for with Cooper. After giving us Pearl necklaces and being given the runaround by the tw@ts on legs Blue Team, Trilly is unable to divert them to buying 2 very overpriced items, the only thing she twists their arm to buy is the nice footy watch which makes a profit. Listen to your non-Cooper expert boys and girls. She found a nice BB, whose profit manages to drag the team from the destined 3-figure loss.

    RedLoss.jpeg BlueLoss.jpeg

    The Hi-Kick:
    Outdoor Covid diagonal kick on wet, uneven grass. A decent attempt from everybody if a little uncoordinated which is understandable. Yes, YES!!

    HiKick.jpeg
     
    OldTraff78 likes this.
  29. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Reservist

    Perfect for moog's pending career move.
    If he gets that white van, he could be the new Robin Askwith.
     
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2023
    reg_varney likes this.
  30. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Reservist

    whereas Kate Bliss revoltingly remarking "sometimes you get pearl necklaces that look quite oily" was certainly not fit for my lunchtime accompaniment :confused:
     
    reg_varney likes this.
  31. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Reservist

    wtf was Bluebloke doing with that kick?
    Is that a cagefighting/MMA stance?

    They really were bloody annoying.
     
    wfcmoog and reg_varney like this.
  32. Harefield Yellow

    Harefield Yellow First Year Pro

    "Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting......"
     
    reg_varney likes this.
  33. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    When that scene from the 'Seven Year Itch' goes very wrong.

    upload_2023-1-26_16-39-12.png
     
  34. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    It does look like Red Bird has got hold of his nuts and has violently squeezed them.

    [​IMG]
     
    OldTraff78 likes this.
  35. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    Uncle Eric at Carrow Road.

    Oh dear, Antique Centre.

    Possibly Auntie Liz. Good,

    Blue Daughter is into all things doggy.

    They are shouting like Jericho.

    5 pound cheap dog.

    School art project pottery.

    Like the way Raj said 17 is a fair price before they had even got there. Cheeky.

    I like it cos it's different. Hmmmm.

    Granny is real old fusspot.

    Sound direction from Steph.

    Granny doesn't like birds.

    Up yours Granny. I love 'em.

    Dutch peanut dispenser LOL
     
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2023

Share This Page