Bargain Hunt

Great episode!
What a difference a day makes.

 

Hip-hop chess nights with Design Guru Fark Buddy, or so he wishes.

 

The only reason to work in one of those Antique Centres is first dibs on any Bargains.

 

Hanson Manson creeps up behind his next victim. Meanwhile Trilly adoringly clasps Blue Bird. Despite Blue **** boasting about his length, she only has eyes
for the Highlighted Highlight of her day.

 

Wonderful episode! Golden gavel all round except for Charlie the Chump. Some expert! Ragged kick at the end, but some pretty good elevation.

 

Is Blue Bird throttling the Hip-Hopping Chess-playing knobcheese in a new BH sex game? Hightening the pleasure of a Golden Gavel?

 

BBC approved preamble:
Gloucester 3
Bargain Hunt Series 56
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000jrnd
Charlie Ross presents from the Gloucester Antiques Centre, where the reds and blues search for antiques with experts Kate Bliss and Charles Hanson. Which team will make the most profit at auction? Charlie learns that the teams are shopping in one of the most historically important buildings in England.

The Translation:
Another day, yet another abandoned Antiques Centre, as the plague starts to swarm round the UK. This time it's Gloucester Antiques Centre with our host (parisitically, virally as well as in actuality) the superspreading fool of all fools Charl-eh. Today he's joined by Typhoid Trilly and Hanson Hansen Disease, bringing joy and leprosy to one and all. Talking of lepers, I assume Tubby Thomas, Gary, and Agent Stale Cooper will be kept well away. Bringing out the Dead rather the profits will be Treepole Weeks, the Apothecary Auctioneer to an farthing-pinching audience of peasants and serfs, who will lead everyone in a merry St Vitus Dance.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Omnifool Charlie Ross, Now listen to me, Listen to me, Shoot Ross, Shoot the idiot NOW!.
[Red Team Expert] Charles Amazing Technicolour Dreamblazer Hanson
[Blue Team Expert] Kate Shrilly Trilly Bliss, so posh it hurts
[Auctioneer] Tim Timpole Tudor Wunderbar Weeks
[Auction Location] Wessex Auction Rooms
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Mixed sex swapping partners, Construction Manager and Pharmaceutical Buyer, dogging lovers.
(Challenge: Letter writing)
[Blue Team] Best friends, mental health worker and textile designer, he has hip-hop and chest nights.
(Challenge: Predating the age of the team members incl. Trilly = 115 years)

The Shopping:
Reds: Knitted poodle bottle cover (8) profit all day long, Victorian walnut stationery box (20 Challenge) profit all day long, Victorian linen/box press table (110) OK.
Blues: Chester 1901 silver tobacco/snuff box (48 Challenge) OK, Anatomical scroll poster (70) OK, Crowbarred Games compendium (95) Good.

The Distraction:
Charlie learns that the teams are shopping in one of the most historically important buildings in England, in other words the usual Grade 1-listed death trap. It's a former merchant's house, which has had a multitude of extensions. I bet planning permission wasn't granted so get the bulldozers in. Mick Kunt the Dealer in residence makes Charl-eh go on a magical mystery tour of some damp dusty old rooms which play havoc with his health issues. This long escapade has left the fool tired and shagged out. He struggles to keep his eyes open, his head spins, his eyes glaze over and he's off to gurning heaven. Meanwhile, a puddle of something unpleasant gathers underneath his brothel creepers.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Knitted poodle bottle cover (small profit), Victorian walnut stationery box (decent profit), Victorian linen/box press table (big profit) Golden Gavel.
Hanson's BB is a Boxed Corgi Mister Softee ice cream van (140), REJECTED, Hanson folly?, 40-60, 70. Yes, Classic folly.

​

Blues: Chester 1901 silver tobacco/snuff box (small profit), Anatomical scroll poster (large profit), Crowbarred Games compendium (decent profit) another Golden Gavel.
Trilly's BB is a French Dinky Aston Martin DB3S racing car without the box (60), 40-50, 65, small Trilly profit.

​

The Aftermath:
Fantastic auction from Treepole. Both teams make 3-figure profits, just 1 pound between them. Both teams get Golden Gavels, however, a perfect Royal Flush was scuppered by a classic Hanson Folly with the Corgi Car, which the Reds rightly rejected as being too pricey. Trilly also went down the die-cast route, but found a gem in a ultra rare French Dinky Aston Martin racing car which made a small profit. Breath it all in, double Golden Gavels in an Antique Centre shop. Unbelievable. Only Hanson's Tomfoolery prevented a Grand Slam of profit. Will he learn, no. In his eyes, a stopped clock tells the right time twice a day.



The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor kick. A kick of 2 halves. Early bolters Charl-eh and Blue Bird with above par kicks and Trilly with her tight dress sweep, then we have the late asthma-sufferers Hanson and the Reds, hitting late par. Trills really is bursting out of her dress. Plenty of men of senior years disappear to the toilets to see if they can manage to knock one out.

​

 

Good spot!
Creepy stalky rapey.
He could have been a great Met officer.

When Manson isn't larking about, and there is a rare moment of his resting smile-free face, and in a certain light, then he suddenly takes on an air of Attenborough's Christie...

Am not saying he has killed anybody, of course. Not yet.

 

==she only has eyes
for the Highlighted Highlight of her day.

heh.
Bluebird was enjoyable Fiesta fodder.
Probably too dirty for Club International.
Those yellowing eye sockets tell a tale.

 

Hmm.
"Creepy, stalky, rapey": the dwarves who failed the Snow White audition...

 

Yet you could still imagine him in an ARP warden's uniform, with gas mask and rubber tubing. Now where's that soothing gaassssss ........

10 Rillington Place, one of the best UK films of 70s in a decade which gave us so many British classics.

 

10 Rillington Place is one of the most unsettling and downright scary films you will see, enhanced by the downbeat setting appropriate to the area and the period. However, people who were there have said Attenborough's portrayal of Christie was wrong in that he was not a sinister figure at all but altogether more impressive and that was the way he was able to gain the confidence of his victims.

 

Christina Time !!!! <Rubs legs in anticipation>

She showing us her lovely pie.

Red bloke makes farting noise. Well it is his age.

Roo dressed like superwoman. Nice.

Dogwood, you can tell from the bark says Muttley.

Crude Northerners.

Knackered chair - Muttley special.

Sooty's xylophone.

Rude sculpture.

 

Boy George is really under Mummy's thumb.

A large bell for a large bell-end.

Poor Roo shows she's a weakling LOL.

Poor George, bullied by his Mum.

Soooot-eh, I luv Soooot-eh, says demented Red lady.

Roo and Christina setting the screen on fire.

Fruity time with Christina.

If that chair could talk. You would be burned as a witch.

 

Was actually shot in Ruston Close (as Rillington Place was renamed in the late-1950's at the request of the residents, there was a somewhat more upmarket street named Ruston Mews close by) before it was demolished in 1971.

Apparently, the interior scenes were shot in No. 7. No. 10 had long since been gutted and left sealed to stop macabre souvenir hunters.

 

"I look forward to see you in action Charles", says Christina

Muttley GG? Yes, screams Red bloke.

Muttley finds gold or should I say silver in amongst the sh1te.

Roo brandishes her pussy for all to see.

Some flush ladies in the audience today.

Same Audience as for the Children in Need Special which explains why they were spending with such abandon.

 

"Roo will reveal all".

Shows us a nice golden.....

I'll get me coat !

 

Red team anyone ?

 

Roo offers a couple of pointers regarding antique purchasing. Boy George is transfixed.

 

Time for some cockle warming:

 

BBC approved preamble:
Southwell
Bargain Hunt Series 64
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001hb40
Christina Trevanion and the teams are in Nottinghamshire, hunting for antiques to sell on for a profit. Experts Philip Serrell and Roo Irvine lend a hand before they all head to Bishton Hall in Staffordshire for the auction. Christina discovers how a young girl once sowed the seeds of one of Britain’s most popular apples.

The Translation:
Another blisteringly hot summer's day with Scorchio Christina and Sultry Roo tempered with a gammon-faced Muttley all in Sizzling Southwell. Basting the Audience for a full on spit-roast is Galloping Gavellier Hanson, whose beans have never been fuller.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Steamstress Christina Trevanion
[Red Team Expert] Philip Muttley Serrell avec scarf de tat, pullover de moth et gillet piq*re de puce
[Blue Team Expert] Delightful Roo Irvine, full of Eastern Promise
[Auctioneer] Charles Manson Hanson, The Phineas T Barking of the Auction World, Bring on The Clown
[Auction Location] Bishton Hall, Staffs
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Married retired couple, he likes small silver and she looks like Alan Carr in drag.
(Challenge: Makes a sound)
[Blue Team] Reired mother and admin son, Boy George.
(Challenge: Fit in your pocket)


The Shopping:
Reds: Knackered Chinese revival temple wood chair (85) might struggle, Boxed Sooty's xylophone (25 Challenge) good, Large Birmingham silver bell inkwell (130) OK.
Blues: Edwardian silver and mother-of-pearl baby rattle (25 Challenge) good, Japanese Satsuma ware brooch (75) ouch, Very large octagonal clock (45) topend.

The Distraction:
Fruity Christina finds out all about her lovely Bramley's brought forth from fertile seed. She confesses that everyone loves eating pudding and pie. All that's needed is a gallon of creamy custard. Time to get out the extra large gravy boat. She really is truly scrumptious.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Knackered Chinese revival temple wood chair (small profit), Boxed Sooty's xylophone (large profit), Large Birmingham silver bell inkwell (good profit).
Muttley's BB is a pair of 1894 silver posy vases (55), 80-120, 80. Muttley is on good form today.

​

Blues: Edwardian silver and mother-of-pearl baby rattle (profit), Japanese Satsuma ware brooch (largish loss), Very large octagonal clock (nice profit).
Roo's BB is the large cat sculpture from earlier (15), 10-20, 65. Excellent buy Roo.



Close your eyes and get ready to admire Roo's slightly scary pussy directs Christina. George thinks his Christmases have all come at once.

​

The Aftermath:
Another decent Hanson auction who was really playing to the audience, getting the flush ladies to depart with their housekeeping. It's obviously the same Audience as for the Children in Need Special which explains why they were spending with such abandon. A good day to sell stuff and to grab a Golden Gavel. Muttley has a good day as his team lands a Golden Gavel. 3-figure overall profit. Even his knackered chair made a profit. Apart from the Satsuma brooch the Roo's Reds turned in a decent profit.



The Hi-Kick:
Standard outdoor kick on grass. Considering the age and range of people it's not a bad effort on uneven grass. Yes, YES!!

​

 

Coming soon ...........

"I will destroy you Doc-torrrrrrr".
"Not if I get toooooo the Sonic Sauuuuurce bottle beeeforrrrre youuuuuuuuu, her-her-her-her".

 

What a combination today; sultry heat, Christina and Roo.
Warmed the winter c*ck(les).
Plus excellent info on Rillington Place.
wfcBH bringing us the classic combo of sex & death.

 

Bartle Rd, W11 - which now stands on roughly what was Rillington Place, with a landscaped area sensitively left over the plot where No. 10 stood.

 

Saturday.
Wish they would bury these Reds on Bartle Rd too.
Fat plain Jane is nevertheless annoyingly full of herself; bloke makes same unfunny 'million' joke three times. Mark's patience audibly wearing thin...but he still does a decentish job.

 

Dearie me. That saintly statue...
The grisly saleroom bloke who bought it looks like a religious maniac too. Check for stains at resale.
Dull episode enlivened only by Mark's growling and McWitch's cackling. Her phoneyness is a thing to behold. Brazen.

 

After uninspiring football I'm expecting an even more ininspiring BH with McSlurrrrrrrry, Sarky, and Trilly with an Auction from Deadwood Darlo. Let us see.

BH survival kit. Well not having the above would improve your chances.

What a demented old witch.

Brilliant, an idiot who thinks he is Arthur Atkinson:



Only 2 mins in and he's as annoying as Tommy Mooney.

She has an annoying sycophantic laugh.

Trying to be funny boring Reds and dull boring Blues. This has all the makings of crapness.

Her-her-her-her-her-her

 

She speaks to them as if they have special needs. So patronising.

Hopefully, the Religious artefact will be a crucifix to send McWitch back to hell, in other words Scotland.

I think I'll be needing some mints. I have Extra Strongs at the ready and Werther's chewy things.

 

Rather a wooden performance from Sarky can't mask our disappointment.



Sarky, so unenthusiastic about the Darlo railway sign. Wake up, the Auction is in Darlo, Sarky you sauced s0dde.

Wife, you've already got too much jewellery. It's not for her you idiot it's for the Auction. Better make it dull and made of jet if it's for Darlo.

 

That inkwell is pure tat.

 

The Auctioneer Peter Cobweb Robinson. Either that or he's covered his head with some nylon tights in a 1970s style criminal heist.

 

Judi Dench spotted in the Auction audience.

 

All the celebs are present. Here's Kathy Burke.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Harrogate 22
Bargain Hunt Series 53
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m00063bv
Anita Manning and the Bargain Hunt team are in Harrogate, doing battle around the huge antiques fair. Today’s competitors go head to head led by experts Kate Bliss and Mark Stacey. The teams have one hour to buy three items that they will send off to auction. There’s a tense atmosphere at Thomas Watsons auctioneers, and Anita catches up with Charles Hanson and a very special musical collection.

The Translation:
Q: Knock Knock!
A: Who's there?
Q: Gueeesssss whooooo, her-her-her-her?
A: Fark right off McWitch, you old hag!!
Yup she's back at the Yorkshire Events Centre at Harry Ramsden's deep 'n crispy Harrogate where her useless tat spell will be ensuring that profits take a Battering. Fighting for today's Scraps will be Posh Plaice with Mushy Peas Trilly Bliss and the literally Pickled Egg Sarky Marky providing many homespun truths. For some reason the Auction will be in the arse-end of nowhere, namely Darlington, famous for Robert Stephenson's Rocket, which provides a lovely accompaniment to crayfish and a touch of mayonnaise in a sandwich. A step up from eating bread and dripping in a tin bath. Auctioneer is McWitch nemesis Matthew Hopkins Robinson and his puritanical urges. He's so old he's engulfed by a giant cobweb.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Anita McWitch Manning, the Bucky Tonic Wine Baba Yaga
[Red Team Expert] Sarky Marky Stacey, the sleazy, slurry somnambulist, he does enjoy a pansy
[Blue Team Expert] Posh Kate Shrilly Trilly Bliss
[Auctioneer] Peter Matthew Hopkins Robinson
[Auction Location] Thomas Watson, Darlington
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Married couple, she-teacher and he-project manager.
(Challenge: Religious artefact)
[Blue Team] Mature married solicitor and practice manager, followers of Islam (BBC boxes ticked in frenzy)
(Challenge: Found in an office)

The Shopping:
Reds: 1940s Darlington railway sign (25) profit in that, 4 pieces of David Moorcroft pottery (70) bargain, St Francis of Assisi carved figurine (165 Challenge) ouch it may end up on the pyre.
Blues: Continental silver pocketwatch (135) arrrrrgh ooofff, Snooker cue tip tool (18) good, Nasty inkwell (40 Challenge) topend.

The Distraction:
HP sauce? Pipe-smoker of the year 1965? It must be Harold Wilson. Yup, it is him. Hanson Manson is on hand to explain to McWitch what the former PM's items are about and what they are worth. Lavender List anyone? Stuffed Paddy the Labrador? There is a bottle of Brown Wilson gravy or the Brown Wison soup. McWitch, dressed as Sylvester McCoy Doctor Who's demented sister, casts her blazer steal spell and Hanson responds by displaying a rare 18th Century clearly hallmarked Georgian silver crucifix. McWitch wails like a Banshee and disappears to McHell aka Jockland.

​

The Auction:
Reds: 1940s Darlington railway sign (good profit), 4 pieces of David Moorcroft pottery (good profit), St Francis of Assisi carved figurine (loss but not disasterous).
Sarky's BB is a George VI royal cyphered briefcase (30), 20-40, 30.Evens stevens for Sarky. It's been that sort of episode.



Blues: Continental silver pocketwatch (largish loss), Snooker cue tip tool (nice profit), Nasty inkwell (nice profit).
Trilly's BB is a Boxed set of 6 silver teaspoons (20), 20-40, 35. Decent profit, good find Trills.



The Aftermath:
The Auction was pretty full but there was no atmosphere, just like deep space. A complete contrast to a Hanson jamboree. A subdued Sarky leads the rests to a reasonable overall profit. While Trilly's Blue make a small overall loss. This episode won't live long in the memory banks. A tale of 2 big spend items, their fates determining today's result. Yes, it's been that amazing.



The Hi-Kick:
Outdoor kick on uneven grass. McWitch casts a befuddle spell which results in a chaotic kick with only the 2 blokes achieving par. McWitch doesn't even bother as is her norm.

​

 

I concur. One of those going through the motions episodes that McWitch seems to preside over.

There were some real oddballs in the Audience today but I'll put that down to being in the North-East.