1. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 First Year Pro

    btw, I resent being shown yet another hot and sunny BH when it's grey and 4 degrees out.
    Plus that sunhat's not doing Steph any favours.
     
    Last edited: Dec 2, 2022
  2. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    My brother had a fantastic Airfix model of HMS victory.
     
  3. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    MB is excited by that despatch box too.
     
  4. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    Sunk by the trough as predicted.
     
  5. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 First Year Pro

    Landwhale Redbird bought that, clearly projecting it for herself; ie stuffed with cakes and toffees.
     
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  6. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 First Year Pro

    What is going on here?! *taps telly screen*
    In Southsea, yet some items are making money?
     
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  7. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    Blue bloke is torn, Snigger.

    Steph's Pompey Punt sunk the Blues. Never a good idea to take a punt in Southsea.
     
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  8. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 First Year Pro

    the older Blue'bloke'...is he pregnant? you don't often see 'pots' that perfectly shaped.
    looks a bit like that older gay character in jack dee's 'Bad Move'
     
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  9. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    They'll have readied the harpoon in Pompey for her visit.
     
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  10. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    As round as a snowball? Cough splutter.
     
  11. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 First Year Pro

    oh, i am definitely not googling that
     
  12. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    "I'm going to have a baby!!!"

    Baby.jpg
     
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  13. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    BBC approved preamble:
    Guildford 24
    Bargain Hunt Series 63
    https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001frmr
    In Guildford, Eric Knowles and the teams shop for profitable antiques with experts Raj Bisram and Stephanie Connell to sell at auction in Portsmouth. Meanwhile, Eric hops aboard HMS Victory to learn more about the renovation of the world’s oldest commissioned warship.

    The Translation:
    Uncle Eric is back in Loseley Park, Guildford. What is Guildford famous for? Not alot it seems, it's home to the University of Surrey and has the Guildhall as an events venue. It's outer London Suburbia but without the tube station to make it easier to escape from. The Production Team also find it deadly dull and have run out of Distractions for it so have turned their attention to nautical Pompey instead. Poor old boring stockbroker belt Guildford. Joining Uncle Eric in this stimulating place of absent culture is Dr Evil and Our Steph, both hoping the day passes swiftly so they can go somewhere else. As hinted above, the Auction is near Pompey in Southsea, the self-styled Profits Graveyard. Captain Steptoe and midshipman Harold will no doubt enjoy the day out meeting up with Ebeneezer Scrooge, Pte Fraser, and the rest of the South Coast Skinflinting Goblins at their favourite Auction House, Pompey PennyPinchers Parlour, well it's a day out and you don't have to pay to keep warm. Cackle.

    The Staff:
    [Gaffer] Uncle Eric Knowles, as safe as houses, he does love a sausage
    [Red Team Expert] Raj Dr Evil Bisram
    [Blue Team Expert] Stephanie Connell, the Cockermouth Cumbrian, the Auction-world state-educated trailblazer, poster girl for The 93%, Go Steph
    [Auctioneer] John Marine Boy Cameron
    [Auction Location] Oh-No Southsea, Southsea, Oh-No
    (Miserlin Rating: One Star)

    Start.jpeg Auction.jpeg

    The Teams:
    [Red Team] Married midwifery lecturer Seamonster and her other half who met online. They'll be readying the Harpoon in Pompey.
    (Challenge: Handmade)
    [Blue Team] Male Partners, one's a camp hairdresser (stereotype tick).
    (Challenge: Decorative silver)

    The Shopping:
    Reds: Pair of concrete planters (50) OK = Popmpey loss, Handmade Thai parasol, giant cocktail umbrella (35 Challenge) topend, Awful metal skipware feeding trough (130) ouch, fire, fire.
    Blues: Victorian Sheffield silver inkwell (99 Challenge) topend = Popmpey loss, Pewter carriage warmer (40) struggle, Leather despatch box (58) cough splutter, could be a Pompey profit

    The Distraction:
    Uncle Eric visits HMS Victory (my brother had a fantastic Airfix model of this) hoping to re-enact Lord Nelson's final moments. Kiss me Hawley. That would be enough to sink any ship. You would be able to spot the ship from miles away due to the bright tartan and booming voice. Victory is prone to fungal attack. Bring out Domestos Hawley to clean and sterilise it forever.

    Distraction.jpeg

    The Auction:
    Reds: Pair of concrete planters (small loss), Handmade Thai parasol, giant cocktail umbrella (small profit), Awful metal skipware feeding trough (big loss).
    Raj's BB is that earlier 1920/30s style renovated chair (35), 40-60, 45, a tenner profit for not much searching. A lazy profit for Dr Evil to match the lazy chair.

    Trough.jpeg Chair.jpeg

    Blues: Victorian Sheffield silver inkwell (nice profit), Pewter carriage warmer (loss), Leather despatch box (decent profit).
    Steph's BB is copper alloy model of Hindu God Shiva (80), 50-80, 50. Oh dear Steph, it's not a good idea to take a punt in Southsea.

    DespatchBox.jpeg Shiva.jpeg

    The Aftermath:
    Both teams make an overall loss. Reds sunk by the awful skipware trough, a guaranteed disaster. Blues had an overall profit with some decent items but Steph took a punt on a Hindu statue which disappeared in a puff of smoke. It's never a good idea to take a Pompey Punt, Steph.

    RedLoss.jpeg BlueLoss.jpeg

    The Hi-Kick:
    Standard outdoor kick on scorched grass. Steph has a skirt/heels issue again. Red Whale is very late. Good attempts from everyone else. Yes, YES!!

    HiKIck.jpeg
     
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  14. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    Next time he'll demonstrate another use for his toilet brush.
     
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  15. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 First Year Pro

    dead ringers? BlueLoss.jpeg MV5BNzNjNzkwMjQtMzczMC00MDQyLTgwYjAtOTYwNDIwMGIyZDRjXkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyODIxMjk4Ng@@._V1_.jpg
    The young one's lost a lot of weight, tbf.
    oops. HIV test time? :eek:
     
    Last edited: Dec 2, 2022
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  16. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 First Year Pro

    Hmmm. Steph always ensures she is either wearing grass-unfriendly heels, or constraining long skirts and dresses.
    Anything to avoid providing a proper high kick, thereby defying our officially-mandated Growler Inspectorate.
    For shame!
     
  17. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 First Year Pro

    ha. good point:
    "The Production Team also find Guidford deadly dull and have run out of Distractions for it"
    And yet Grade 1 Tudor hall Sutton Place is just two miles away, where JP Grotty lived and polished both his harem and vast antique collection.
    Would love to see a nosey-round in there
     
    Last edited: Dec 2, 2022
  18. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    Christina in Scousepool. They won't be able to 'calm down', far from it.

    Look East scrapes the bottom of the barrel in many ways.

    Dayglo: "That's a lie that is".

    "What do you put in this?" It's a vase.

    She must follow the Toffees.

    Gary is a monk.
     
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2022
  19. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 First Year Pro

    oh dear.
    I can't stand Scousers but what has Liverpool done to deserve both Gary Peeeee AND Dayglo Turtlehead?
     
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2022
  20. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 First Year Pro

    oh no. the famed 'local wit' will not be restrained.
    "I thought terrrrrracotta was a desseerrrrt," says bluehair Bluebird, reading from her Jimmy Tarbuck prompt card.
    We're in for a lorra lorra laffs today, la'.
     
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2022
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  21. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 First Year Pro

    Pfft! Gary Peeeee trying to teach a Scouser about 'poker work'!
    They already know all about stabbing across Stanleyknife Park, Gary.
     
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  22. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    Jesus, scouse "humour".
     
  23. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 First Year Pro

    "Didgeree-don't" !?!?
    Really?!
     
  24. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    Those masks are going to be DQed
     
  25. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 First Year Pro

    ha, the old scouse "misread the pricetag" move.

    usually, in real life, means a shoplifter telling a bizzee he thought it was on for £0.
     
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  26. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    Alan Partridge Aha.

    Christina with some tongue work.
     
  27. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 First Year Pro

    Adam Partidge hammering today.
    Reminiscent of...

    shawn_wallace_the_princess_bride_45118l.jpg
     
  28. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    Very dismissive from Partridge. Looks down his nose at almost everything.

    Those sh1tty lamps.
     
  29. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 First Year Pro

    Christina voicing fantasies about Tom Cruise!
    Oh dear.
    Reminds me of 80s teenage girls lusting after George Michael.
    Is There Something I Should Know?
    Erm, yes....
     
  30. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 First Year Pro

    "Inconceivable!"

    shawn_wallace_the_princess_bride_45118l.jpg
     
  31. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    This is going to be a massacre.

    Dayglo with a Gary-style BB.
     
  32. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 First Year Pro

    the scousers will be crushed?
     
  33. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    Worst Auction ever? Dreadful teams, poor experts, uninspiring sarcastic, snooty Auctioneer, appalling items. LOL. Entertaining in a bad way. Still, Christina was the only plus.
     
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  34. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    "If you can think you can do better". A streak of p1ss would have been more successful.
     
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  35. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 First Year Pro

    today's scouseathon could've been a lot worse, tbf.
    a couple of bad gags apart, none of them sang/recited poetry, tried to claim any benefits, or stole any hubcaps.
    no dead italians to be seen either.
    That's a sound safe scouse day out
     
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