Bargain Hunt

Blimey, looks like there might be some Digger Deviancy on tomorrow.

 

Urgh. Is Gingernuts about to 'go under the hammer' there?

 

Hopefully not the jackhammer!

 

Her-her-her-her.

Pretending to play golf again.

One of the Blues is a former student who studied stand-up comedy and now works in a call centre. LOL.

Dealer dropped to 50 without blinking. Still too high.

Why don't they start haggling over the Mouseman.

That's a rectal thermometer for you chum.

Sarky on good form.

A dread to think if it was Dully with the 2 Blues.

Ashtray, nope LOL, it's a bon bon dish ashtray.

Poke-her box. Snigger.

Gentleman's poker box.

I might have a fiddle with it says Trilly. LOL.

 

"student who studied stand-up comedy"

What a degenerate state we are in...

 

McWitch shows us her coffee, nicotine-stained old hag teeth. Nice.

What is she dribbling on about now?

Sarky looking distinctly uncomfortable sandwiched between the 2 Reds.

Are you married, one of them asks. Yes he is to the Gay Gordons.

Sarky enjoys the shape of a Copeland Spode vase.

Fit for a Queen LOl.

 

This has Auction apocalypse written all over it.

Sarky hates the one item that makes a profit. Hoho.

A ring fit for a Queen.

A bit too rich.

Too much for Dull Dour Darlo?

2 bidders and the Queen is crowned.

Even the bottle doesn't make a profit.

 

mcwitch jacket rings a bell...

 

Mouseman for Gerbilman.

 

that vase is hideous but still sold way too cheaply.

Pleased the picnic did well. great thing

 

Wonderful Auction Audience.

 

Dreadful Hi-Kick again. McWitch doesn't even bother. The haggard old crone.

 

"wonderful Auction Audience"

collective original teeth count: nine

 

"Could have been worse!" trills Kate.

Could have been the BH slogan.

 

It's fingers down the throat time as Muttley gives his approval at this Auction of the Bottom Feeders.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Harrogate 23
Bargain Hunt Series 53
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0006wk9
Anita Manning and the Bargain Hunt team are in Harrogate, doing battle around the huge antiques fair. Today’s competitors get a helping hand from experts Kate Bliss and Mark Stacey. The teams have one hour to buy three items, which they send off to auction. There’s a tense atmosphere at Thomas Watson Auctioneers, and Anita catches up with Charles Hanson to discuss a very special musical collection.

The Translation:
McWitch in Harrogate so it'll be a battle between Dour Puritanical Matthew Hopkins in his Frugal House up in Dark Dour Darlo and the old moblity broomstick riding crone, a drawlin', a droolin', and a false laughin' her-her-her-her. Joining us for this battle of the lightweights up in this well-heeled yet still very flinty part of Northern England, Harrogate not bloody Darlo that is, are Sarky Marky, hoping from a large creme puff at Bettys Tearooms and Tight-dressed Trilly Bliss who has her eye on some Petit Fours, not too many Trills, you don't want to make that dress even tighter.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Anita McWitch Manning, the Bucky Tonic Wine Baba Yaga
[Red Team Expert] Sarky Marky Stacey, the sleazy, slurry somnambulist, he does enjoy a pansy
[Blue Team Expert] Posh Kate Shrilly Trilly Bliss
[Auctioneer] Peter Matthew Hopkins Robinson
[Auction Location] Thomas Watson, Darlington
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Former female professional singers. One of them is a Brand Manager. She fills up the toilet roll dispensers then.
(Challenge: Pottery with a transfer print)
[Blue Team] Male Friends, One is a student and the other a former student who studied stand-up comedy and now works in a call centre.
(Challenge: Piece of medical equipment)

The Shopping:
Reds: Portland-shaped Copeland Spode vase (50 Challenge) struggle, Edwardian silver cat rattle (80) struggle, Portable picnic case (30) good.
Blues: Pharmacist's glass stoppered container (17 Challenge) OK, Gentleman's poker compendium box (120) topend, Leather photo frame (32) overpaid, it was rushed.

The Distraction:
Boo this is not as advertised. It's McWitch dribbling on about pocket sundials and timekeeping. She could navigate with one of those in mid-air on her broomstick. It should have been Charles In Charge. Through all the slurring and false laughing and that's just Hanson after a decent lunch, Charles shows off his his much treasured Prince Buster collection. He proudly displays his most coverted record. All together now, Madness, madness. They call him Madness. Madness, madness. They call that madness. It is plain to see. That is how he is meant to be. Madness, madness. He loves that gladness.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Portland-shaped Copeland Spode vase (loss), Edwardian silver cat rattle (large loss), Portable picnic case (decent profit).
Sarky's BB is a silver and enamel Georg Jensen ring (95), 40-80, 120. Sarky shoots and scores. He is Queen for the day.



Blues: Pharmacist's glass stoppered container (small loss), Gentleman's poker compendium box (largish loss), Leather photo frame (loss).
Trilly's BB is a Carved oak Mouseman treen napkin ring (50), 30-50, 90. Excellent profit and find Trills.



The Aftermath:
Dreadful Deadly Dull Dour Darlo Auction. Everything undervalued for a reason, as it's an Auction full of miserly skinflints. It doesn't disappoint and yet it still does. Sarky, at times sandwiched between 2 desperate Red ladies, don't they realise he doesn't bat for their team. Cat rattle tanks but there's a profit for the tidy 50s picnic case and a loss of the Sarky shapely vase. A risky Georg Jensen ring, fit for a Queen, says Sarky as he shows it off like his favourite butt-plug, oh the irony, gets 2 keen bidders and a tidy profit is made. Still the bids have the Mark of Sarky and it's a 40 note loss. Trilly's Blues, including the Stand-up degree graduate, I kid you not, bomb with their regular items, particularly the Mahogany poker box, but are rescued somewhat with Trilly's excellent Mouseman napkin ring. They still make a 20 odd quid loss. 2 teams, 2 losses, welcome to Matthew Hopkins Profit Hanging Chamber.



The Hi-Kick:
Outdoor kick on uneven grass. The haggard old witch makes no attempt at lifting her feet. Coordination is a bit all over the place as McWitch casts her usual befuddle spell. Everyone else eventually hit par before the Red failed stand-up breaks free from the spell and shows off a massive head kick. Shame that it doesn't pay the bills.

​

 

On tonight!
https://www.radiotimes.com/movie-guide/b-ewel34/captain-kronos-vampire-hunter/

 

It was originally going to be a film franchise, but as with everything latter day Hammer it didn't take off. The usual funding issues no doubt.

 

Take that cap off you're indoors you idiot. Xander. What a kn0b.

He overwinds and breaks a clock.

Aren't they going to buy anything?

Bloody crates.

Fiver each. Probably a profit in that. Former local company too.

 

Tw@ in a hat on the blues team.

Bet he plays the ukulele, loves Korean pop music and only eats 'Street food' from pop up markets in Shoreditch

 

Tubby overspend?

 

Xander. What a tool.

 

Charlie looking a bit lockdown dishevelled. Needs a barber.

 

Rotten old truck from Tubby. 135. Worth every penny of the 35.

 

Sack truck Tubby disaster incoming.

It's only someone else's money.

45 LOL. A disaster.

Awful Auction. Skinflint Central.

Criminal says the Transgressor. Yes you are.

Nice instrument but I can't see the Misers spending more than 30 notes.

 

45 quid. Better than I though. Utter gash from the tubster

 

Who wants a crap broken clock for 70 notes?
Nobody? Oh but Xander liked it.

 

Professor Yaffle doing his best to get some stagnant bidders to come to life.

 

Who wants an ugly old mirror like the one you had to take to the tip when you cleaned out your grandma's house after she passed?

 

Steph has a brass enema kit

 

Xander 'loves it'
He's just so zany and quirky
What a legend
Sorry, *******

 

Lovely looking thing, he says gazing at the playground.

Steph to the rescue.

Rapid wrap-up.

 

goggle-eyed auctioneer does try very hard, tbf.

persuasive cajoler, continually pushing reluctant punters to swallow his goods.



hmmmm!

 

oh dear. tubby vs steph ended up like MU v LFC the other day.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Brackley 6
Bargain Hunt Series 59
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000y2v6
Charlie Ross and experts Thomas Forrester and Stephanie Connell go antique-hunting in Brackley, Northamptonshire, before heading to Stratford-upon-Avon for today’s auction. Charlie seeks illumination about the life of Victorian designer Charles Kempe, famous for his stained glass.

The Translation:
The posh fool Charl-eh Ross drones on about someone called Norman Saxon and how he wanted a market stall in Brackley or something like that. He gets very confused these days. Helping him mop the drool from his chin are Matron Tubby Thomas, bursting out of his uniform, and lovely Sister Steph to help mop fevered brows. He'll finish off recovering at the Auction where Mark Ashley, the goggle-eyed transgressor, will show off photos from his nudge-nudge-wink-w@nk collection.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Omnifool Charlie Ross
[Red Team Expert] Tubby Thomas Forrester, the plump schoolboy, bursting his fly for Britain
[Blue Team Expert] Stephanie Connell, the Cockermouth Cumbrian, the Auction-world state-educated trailblazer, poster girl for The 93%
[Auctioneer] Mark Ashley, lurking down the road in a lay-by, offering sweets and lifts to view non-existant puppies
[Auction Location] Bigwood Fine Art Auctioneers, Stratford-upon-Avon
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Retired Married Teacher couple
(Challenge: Bears a signature)
[Blue Team] Retired mother and IT Engineer cap wearing numpty son
(Challenge: With a face)

The Shopping:
Reds: Edwardian copper and brass oil lantern (35) good, Clarice Cliff Crocus marmalade pot (85 Challenge) topend, Scandi Kosta Boda Linstrand glass vase (50) OK.
Blues: Vintage Jaeger car clock (68 Challenge) struggle, Set of 5 Bronnley soap wooden crates (25) big bargain make hay, 19th Century mahogany dressing table mirror (80) topend.

The Distraction:
The posh idiot, mis-hears what's going to be discussed and is ready for some Kampe Charles glorious stained arse inspired by John Thomas. He overstimulates, his eyes glaze over, his head spins and he rabidly froths at the mouth. Time for the tablets and a lie down in the crypt.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Edwardian copper and brass oil lantern (evens stevens), Clarice Cliff Crocus marmalade pot (loss), Scandi Kosta Boda Linstrand glass vase (loss).
Tubby's BB is an Early 20th Century sack truck (130), 60-80, 45. LOL. A Tubby disaster.



Blues: Vintage Jaeger car clock (largish loss), Set of 5 Bronnley soap wooden crates (nice profit), 19th Century mahogany dressing table mirror (small loss).
Steph's BB is a the earlier viewed French wine ebullioscope (60), 40-60, 90. Well done Steph. Back on form.



The Aftermath:
Crappy Auction from the Goggle-eyed transgressor. Online auction with potential telephone bidders but his mild sarcasm doesn't bring forth confidence. Surprise surprise. Tubby's Reds make no profits and he claims the spunked-it-up-the-wall cup with an overpriced wooden sack barrow that would take itself to the municipal dump. It tanks just as we expect. Tubby's profit balloon bursts like his shirt and the habitual crappy Tubby 3-figure loss results. Steph had a struggle with some of the Blue Team, a car clock and mirror had loss written all over them, particularly when Xander the cap wearing monkey overwound the clock until a bad sound was heard. The Bronnley soap crates had a couple of freebies and would easily make the asking price as fire wood. They made a decent profit but should have made more. However, she showed her mettle by haggling a good price on her ebullioscope BB which made an excellent profit resulting in a 2 note overall profit.



The Hi-Kick:
Final Hi-Kick is an outside breezy Covid diagonal special on uneven grass, a bit uncoordinated but everyone gets close to par before they get blown away. Tubby Thomas in Purple Pants Probe. Yes, YES!!

​