Bargain Hunt

Stereotypical fat General nurse. The way she handled some of the objects does not bode well for her patients.

 

seven times the money!
This is JP Week.

 

One word:
'catheter'

 

Some classic scenery chewing from Ross.

 

Another Thérèse Coffey English rose.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Newark 20
Bargain Hunt Series 58
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000w7mr
Charlie Ross hosts from the market town of Newark in Nottinghamshire. Lending a hand to the reds and blues are experts Nick Hall and Jonathan Pratt. Charlie gets shivers down his spine when he gets to find out more about some spooky antiques.

The Translation:
Where is the posh fool today? Charl-eh is tying himself in knots in Notts. Helping to tie up some profits from the general tat are smart Reef knot Plaidy Hall and Granny knot JP, no doubt sporting a Windsor knot for his old school tie. Auction is with posh Crumpled Lewis, fresh from a night on the Opium pipe, the posh man's crystal meth.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Omnifool Charl-eh Ross
[Red Team Expert] Nick Plaid all Over Hall
[Blue Team Expert] Gently effeminate gaffe-prone Jonathan JP Pratt with his Tory boy fashion style, classic bully-fodder
[Auctioneer] Crumpled James Lewis
[Auction Location] Bamfords, Derbyshire
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)

​

The Teams:
[Red Team] Married couple, he's a retired train driver, an impulsive idiot. Wouldn't trust him driving a toy train, let alone an Inter-City express.
(Challenge: Far East)
[Blue Team] Married HGV driver and general nurse. The sterotype fat senior nurse.
(Challenge: Hinges)

The Shopping:
Reds: Enamelled metal sign (155) not a hope in hell, Cambodian silver box (65 Challenge) might struggle, 18th Century Crown Derby tea bowl (20) good.
Blues: Georgian-style style mantel clock (65) ouch, Knackered fire bicket (40) too steep, Victorian travelling vanity case (150) ouch bloody ouch.

The Distraction:
Charl-eh discusses morbid tat with Morticia Addams from the Nottingham Most Haunted Museum. She shows the fool a Chuckie Doll which prompts Charleh to get out his stiff. The Ouija board commands him to wave it around, his eyes glaze over, his head spins, and his slacks becomes covered in ectoplasm.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Enamelled metal sign (large loss), Cambodian silver box (profit), 18th Century Crown Derby tea bowl (good profit).
Plaidy's BB is a Neo-classical plaster Jardinière on a decorative plinth/column (40), 20, 65. Another excellent BB from the Plaidster. He doesn't resort to his comfort zone agin.



Blues: Georgian-style style mantel clock (largish loss), Knackered fire bicket (good profit), Victorian travelling vanity case (big loss).
JP's BB is a Embossed brass wooden Doggie plaque (5), 10, 35. Cheap as chips item makes a profit shock.



The Aftermath:
Very dismissive estimates from Cracked-out Lewis. His haughtily dismisses most of the items and only slightly relents if they are bought for less than a rolled up 20. Plaidy's Reds shot themselves in the foot in the opening minute. Red Bloke stymied their efforts with an early big overspend impulse buy on that unspectacular sign, hampering their future negotiations. Nick spent the rest of the programme trying to find decent items to claw back an incoming huge loss. The silver box, Crown Derby, and another off-the-wall BB makes profits and the Reds only lose a fiver. JPs Blues are immediately handicapped with having him as their expert. He directs them towards a heavily overpriced, you instantly knew it was going to be a dud, rosewood vanity case and mantel clock. Surprisingly, the fire bucket made a decent profit and more surprisingly his BB for a fiver. He did confess it was ******* down with rain and he didn't venture far. It was too cheap to fail. They still made a 60 quid loss which is good day for useless JP.



The Hi-Kick:
Indoor Covid diagonal kick. Bad camera angle. Reasonable coordination. Decent enough kicking. Yes, YES!!

​

 

Guess who

 

Very disturbing yet fascinating at the same time. Slightly confused.

 

David Sideburns Sumner before McWitch made him thinner on top. Either that or it's a Pre-Transition Caroline Hawley.

 

Looks like a very grim social services hearing.
Or: there's an unexpected turn at Bring Your Daughter To Work Day

 

Charlie?

 

Looks like one of the still images used in the opening titles for the World at War.

 

Correct

 

Cairoli or Hanson?

 

Ross, the cairoli of the auction world

 

sunday. ..

open goal: they just bought summat one p*sses onto...

 

loved all kate's bluebuys today.
Scandalously undersold.

 

Black leather riding boots. Mmm.
Please try them on, Tash.
Quick, someone hand her a crop too.

 

Lip Up Fatty

 

Muttley superstitious about Peacocks, Trilly not so.

Is Red Drama girl going to be wearing the Riding Boots with crop later? Her housemate shoots his load.

 

Welcome to Boris Johnson's Number 10 Downing Street flat refurbished in the Baroque Liar style.

 

Is that a washing machine on the right for laundering profits?

 

The sculpture is broken in transit so is guaranteed to generate 80 notes, a fiver profit before it goes under the hammer.
Muttley quips "Could they not break everything else?"

 

LOL. What an unflattering picture. Did Red Drama student bird do something to annoy the Production Team.

 

Evil looking Blue Bird repeatedly slaps Trilly's wrists in a playfull but ultimately sinister way. No doubt some male friends on the Prod Team will fix the brakes on Blue's vehicle later. No 6 will have her revenge. Don't knock yourself out Blue crone, that will come about later.

 

Natasha shows off her crack.

 

Muttley thinks he's found a couple of items of interest.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Stamford Meadows 10
Bargain Hunt Series 54
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m00096f6
Join Natasha Raskin Sharp and today’s reds and blues, alongside their trusted experts Philip Serrell and Kate Bliss, as they go bargain hunting in Stamford, Lincolnshire. Before the excitement of today’s auction, Natasha visits Burghley House to look at the Hell Staircase, one of the finest Baroque murals in the world.

The Translation:
Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp is in Stamford Meadows, Lincs, for some Baroque fun involving Hell's staircase. Climbing up it to join her from the blazing depths are Muttley, the shabbiest of all demons, and Trilly Bliss, damned for all eternity for wearing a dress too tight as mutton dressed as lamb. Taking the auction is the Prog Beelzebub Rick Wakeman, in the Fire and Brimstone Rooms of PennyPinchers, firing out the bids faster than Tory supporters descending to the Inferno.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp
[Red Team Expert] Philip Muttley Serrell avec scarf de tat et pull-over de moth
[Blue Team Expert] Kate Shrilly Trilly Bliss
[Auctioneer] Colin Rapido Young, short-haired non-Rick Wakeman variant
[Auction Location] Golding Young & Mawer, Lincs
(Miserlin Rating: Approved)

​

The Teams:
[Red Team] Student friends and housemates. He wants to but she doesn't so has to console himself with spying on her in the shower and stealing her underwear. Both do Drama. She'll have a career awaiting as a bored receptionist or as a sad, bitter escort for some older pervs. He'll end up working in a gardening centre or being the centre of uphill gardening.
(Challenge: Horse related item, so Donkeys don't count Phillip)
[Blue Team] Mixed Laurel and Hardy AmDram partners. They met at a party where he fell on a banana skin and complained about another fine mess.
(Challenge: 20th Century glass)

The Shopping:
Reds: Edwardian brass bowl and jug (55) struggle, Riding boots (30 Challenge) OK, Contemporary marble spiral statue (75) broken in transit (guaranteed 80).
Blues: Early 20th-century Murano glass scent bottle (63 Challenge) OK, Blue anemone pattern vase (55) OK, Late Victorian pocket watch cabinet (140) might struggle.

The Distraction:
The Distraction involves Burghley House to look at Hell's Staircase, anyone who's used the University of London Scientific Periodicals Library will have visited one of these, also the external fire escape in the Dept of Genetics in Cambridge comes a close second. There's a lady with apparent yellow socks on in the painting. It turns out, this a part left untouched when it was cleaned, and is a product of decades of candles and oil lamps. For once, genuinely interesting.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Edwardian brass bowl and jug (loss), Riding boots (small loss), Contemporary marble spiral statue (75 sells 40 but insured for 80).
Scruffy's BB is an ecclesiastical-style ringpiece, I mean centrepiece, the sort of naff item to be found in a Prem League footballer's mock Tudor mansion (30), 30-50, 60. It doubles its money. Muttley makes feeble contact and scuffs a winner.



Blues: Early 20th-century Murano glass scent bottle (loss), Blue anemone pattern vase (loss), Late Victorian pocket watch cabinet (big loss).
Trilly's BB is an Edwardian silver topped hobnail cut glass scent bottle (38), 30-50, 60. No 6 stays within her comfort zone and comes out tops. Well done Six, The Village awaits your homecoming. Be seeing you.



The Aftermath:
Another Dutch-style Penny Pinchers auction for Rick to steer like the captain of the Titanic. Muttley's Red Team items were a bit of a sorry lot, made even sorrier when the sculpture was damaged in transit. However, it did mean that the insurance value of 80 notes guaranteed a fiver profit. Let's face it, it wasn't going to do any more than that. Muttley's BB of the gaudy centrepiece, potentially in the Glasgow style. Strict Natasha dreams of filling up this Glaswegian style centrepiece with Bucky, downing it in one, then tw@tting the nearest gob***** with it who looks at her in a funny way. It makes a decent profit and pigs with scarves are airborne. Swoon they're in overall profit of 5 English pounds. Let's face it the only reason they made a profit was that the item got dropped and the insurance had to pay out more than it would have made undamaged. Trilly dresses as The Prisoner for this Auction and her Blue Team fails to escape a large 3-figure loss thanks to Leics skinflints not wanting to pay top money for that watch cabinet. Just shows what happens when you dither for an hour and leave your big spend item to the last remaining seconds.



The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor kick. Once again a big head kick from Strict Natasha, Trilly par, Muttley 45 degrees, his limit, Red Students OK, with Laurel And Hardy Blues a mile behind, like their overall score. Yes, YES!!

​

 

Bargain hunt seems to have a poor record in transporting delicate objects.

If they were running a business, these breakages would eat into their profits.

 

Strange creatures in Norfolk with Uncle Eric.

Blue Bird is a monster.

Steph wearing some sort of green, black and white herring bone dress.

Very un-Scottish centre keepers. 30, 20?, oh alright.

Blue bloke is a dreadful unfunny tw@tt.

Steph wearing her porn librarian glasses.

 

Baldy Treepants.

Norfolk misers.

Dutch Auction time.

Not really trying to sell the items. Useless Auctioneer.

The skinflints won't spend 60 quid on anything. Baldy likes it and values it 50-70.

Let down by the cheap Pegasus badge for 12 notes.

Those handbells sound the death knell? No they make a tenner.

 

terrible auctioneer. made no effort at a show.

and not Steph's finest hour, poor lass.

Auction dress appeared to be based on cover of a Pet Shop Boys record btw

 

=== "Blue Bird is a monster"

one of the alltime BH greats, indeed.
Yesterday's horrendous BB was a dead ringer for Tony Soprano's horrible mother but today's...sheesh...some sort of walrus/witch hybrid?

 

BBC approved preamble:
Norwich 22
Bargain Hunt Series 64
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001kb34
Eric Knowles and the teams search for profitable antiques in Norwich with help from experts Raj Bisram and Stephanie Connell. While Eric is in the city, he visits the museum at Norwich Castle to discover more about the ancient mammals that once populated East Anglia.

The Translation:
Today it's Norwich known for a football club, canaries, a Cathedral, Delia Smith, inbreeding and, oh yes, Colman's mustard. Our host Uncle Eric has heard that his favourite sausage slathered in English mustard is an experience never to be forgotten. Later on in A&E Eric wonders whether next time the Colman's French mustard, the brown stuff, would be better served for this purpose. He's joined in today's Eastern pursuits by Dr Evil and Our Steph both experienced mustard lovers. Let's hope there is plenty of heat in the Auction. It's in Auntie Liz's place but this time it will probably be with Baldy Weeks, Treepants quiffless limp sibling.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Uncle Eric Knowles, as safe as houses, he does love slipping his sausage into Coleman's
[Red Team Expert] Raj Dr Evil Bisram
[Blue Team Expert] Stephanie Connell, the Cockermouth Cumbrian, the Auction-world state-educated trailblazer, poster girl for The 93%
[Auctioneer] Ed Taxil-Webber, Timpole's younger less hirsuite brother, Treepants Jr.
[Auction Location] Diss, Norfolk twinned with Datt in Germany
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Senior Friends who were in the Air Force together 30 years ago.
(Challenge: Militaria)
[Blue Team] Maried couple, he is a radio bore/presenter
(Challenge: Item with a precious or semi-precious stone)

The Shopping:
Reds: Metal WWII bomber and Battle of Britain booklet (20 Challenge) profit, 7 Soloman Islands silver gilt commemorative proof coins (100) bang on, Pegasus US Airforce badge (12) OK.
Blues: 9ct gold ring with a blue topaz (80 Challenge) OK, Decorative Turkish-style floral jug (72) bang on , HMV gramophone and 30 records (40) might struggle.

The Distraction:
Uncle Eric visits the cage, or should that be the museum, at Norwich Castle where he discovers all about the ancient mammals that once populated East Anglia. I thought the 6-fingered web-handed flat-forehead East Anglian populance where known as the the local inbreds. It's enough to make Stephen Fry seem straight as an arrow and Delia Smith appear sober.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Metal WWII bomber and Battle of Britain booklet (nice profit), 7 Soloman Islands silver gilt commemorative proof coins (good profit), Pegasus US Airforce badge (evens stevens).
Raj's BB is a set of 6 vintage handbells with handles (90), REJECTED 100-150, 100. A tenner for Raj.



Blues: 9ct gold ring with a blue topaz (largish loss), Decorative Turkish-style floral jug (loss), HMV gramophone and 30 records (loss).
Steph's BB is a hexagonal clock 60, 50-70, 50. A small loss for Steph. A full Grand Slam of losses.



The Aftermath:
Laissez-faire Auctioneer, doesn't bother to try and sell the items. Doesn't even mention thr records with the gramophone. Raj's Reds get lucky with their challenge as the Antiques Centre appears to have alot of Militaria with some bargains to be had. Remarkably, a Golden Gavel was highly likely coming up to their final item, the cheapest, just needing 13 quid or more. It broke even, close but no cigar.. Steph's Blue Team had one of those days where nothing paid off, not helped by charmless, gobby DJ and monster wife who were as much help as a chocolate teapot. No luck for Steph's usually reliable BB which made a small loss. Never mind Steph. A bad day at the office.



The Hi-Kick:
Conventional indoor kick. Decent kick from everyone bar Steph who is probably bamboozled after the mauling she got earlier. Yes, YES!!

​