Uk To Make Dotty Old Man King In Bizarre Got/lotr Style Ceremony. Yes, It’s The Coronation.

Television news awash with Oxymorons. ‘Working Royals’ is one of my favourites.

And how did the truth become so inverted that some posh public school Headmistress has just informed me that the modern Royal Family is all about service.

 

Source?

 

Around 5% of London’s children live in temporary accommodation arranged by a local authority. Skyla may be quoting the total waiting list, which would include families living temporarily with relatives etc.

10% seems a bit high, but the situation is pretty dire.

https://beta.londoncouncils.gov.uk/...ast-one-child-every-london-classroom-homeless

 

Skyla's a bit off - the figure's around 1 in 23 - BUT knowing people who work in this field: it's those old chestnuts of who exactly is a 'child' (16+?), what do you mean by 'homeless' (released from the nick, social care, sofa surfing, in temporary accomodation) and what do you mean by 'London' (for example parts of Barnet and Harrow magically become Hertfordshire so aren't counted) then the figures jump above 10%.

 

That is honestly shocking stuff. I had no idea.

 

No sh**

 

"Across the bowels"? JFC.

 

https://twitter.com/secrettory12/status/1654174070097715200

 

14 Essex ladies all decked out in Union Jacks and complete with inflatable corgis are interviewed on BBC 'news'.

All of them, except one, are dyed blonde. All of them cackle continuously. "Gawd save da King! Hahahaha!" they shout.

However there is terrible news from the weather centre. It is going to rain! The fly past of war planes might be in peril!

Wouldn't it be terrible if it got cancelled? I mean I suppose it would save a few measly millions along with tonnes of pointless carbon emissions, but it would deprive those Essex ladies the chance to say "ooooooh!" for 10 seconds.

 

It's almost like a parody. Alan Partridge would be right at home.

After Charlie ticks off Wavy Ted Davey for saying the majority of viewers would be pleased to see the back of the tories ("we make no assumptions about our audience's views!" he says tetchily), we go live to Naga for an important news discussion with some posh blonde lady about the type of shock absorbers on the royal transport ("twin tube oil damped").

Next it's an interview with some exploited guides and scouts they've chosen for the occasion. The poor kids are to have the 'honour' of being able to watch the whole shebang in some church somewhere. But it's probably a really good TV. What a wonderful reward!

Desperate Naga, who philled space earlier with a 10 minute news chat with some soldier on the subject of shoe polishing, tries to repeat the trick by asking the bemused kids how many hours they will be spending getting their uniforms pristine before the honourable TV viewing? What exactly will they be doing? Eh? EH?!

The poor bemused girl guide says eventually "ummm a bit of ironing I suppose....". "And maybe sewing all my badges on" chips in another. "Yes! Yes!" shouts the skinny harpy in her plastic rain coat. "Yes! Make sure all the badges are on straight!" Hmmmmm, yes, agree the kids vaguely.

Naga gets so coronation frothy she days the word 'coronation' three times in one sentence. She only just avoids saying "coronation coronation coronation".

She finishes up with a firm ridiculous declaration that the WHOLE world will be watching. Ignoring that 99 out of a hundred in the world, if not more, have never even heard of Charlie bigears and wouldn't know him if he came up and tapped them on the shoulder. And even if they did know, they would take considerable persuasion and probably a substantial payment to sit through that pompous nonsensical co*kgobbling.

Now we're onto another important news feature about TV in the last coronation. It took ages to warm up and the screen was only tiny! The whole street came to watch! It was amazing! Hahaha. Coronation! Do you hear? Coronation!

 

The backlash against the public vow of allegiance to Charlie continues to grow. So much so he's sending out his arse kissers to spread the word that he never wanted it and it's just that dopey Archbishop who totally mistook the popular sentiment and forced it through:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-65493188

Of course l think we all know Dimbleby's right. A grown man who has spent his whole life being called 'Your Highness', who received lots of medals from mummy for... well, things... and who has now ascended by fluke of birth to the title of "the Most High, Most Mighty and Most Excellent Monarch, our Sovereign Lord, Charles III, now, by the Grace of God, of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and of His other Realms and Territories King, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith, and Sovereign of the Most Noble Order of the Garter" as people bow and defer in his presence, and is now about to be the singular focus of a massively expensive jamboree to put a bejewelled golden hat on his head in the presence of various other royals and ambassadors in Westminster Abbey absolutely wouldn't dream of having people pay homage to him. No siree. Man of the people is our Charlie.

 

Oh no! It turns out news outlets that have made millions out of relentlessly attacking the BBC for the past 20+ years are now left whinging about the fact Auntie won’t share footage of the behattening with them for free:

https://www.express.co.uk/news/royal/1766466/US-coronation-television-BBC-dispute-TV-coverage

News outlets such as the Express, Mail, Sun, Telegraph and GB News could miss out, while Johnny Foreigner gets a cut priced deal.

How sad.

 

https://twitter.com/DefenceU/status/1654479297128562691

 

Seems the CEO of Republic at the Not My King protest has been arrested and placards seized. Despite having liaised with the Met about the protest.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-65507435

All good normal stuff in modern Britain.

 

A few years ago all this pomp and circumstance might have made a bit more sense. 2012 say. Just had the Olympics, country feeling good about itself. Now a diminished, divided, embittered, empoverished little island with little relevance in the world. This pageantry is now all a bit pathetic, like dreams of empire.

Get to ****.

 

Fascinating, spectacular, uplifting. Long live the King

 

Police state. Republican protestors pre-arrested. Minority Report anyone?

 

Get to ****.

 

https://twitter.com/paulpowlesland/status/1654779210425139201

Fascist law meets thick copper.

 

Shame on you all. What a spectacle! I’m glad we celebrate history, rather than pretend our society started in 1994.

What a beautiful dance by our little puppets, to project we’re still influential in the world. Keep dancing now, and some will believe it.

 

I missed it but didn’t hear about anything spectacular. What happened?

 

Lol. What’s that ‘influence’ doing for millions of children growing up in poverty?

You cannot seriously believe they would be even poorer without all this pageantry?

My guess is they would be better off and it’s this pompous mummery that helps keep things just as they are.

 

I think he's being sarky.

 

Went over my head.

 

Had it on in the background when I was cleaning so missed most of it, will watch the highlights later with Shearer and Wrighty.