Bargain Hunt

Blues are getting battered. Rightly so. Terrible bargain hunting

 

Thomas keeps talking about quality, but overspending for 'quality' is how you make 3 figure losses.

 

-134. Absolute shambles. Blues should be ashamed.

 

Miserable joyless episode.
They shouldn't repeat the empty saleroom ones.

 

did like Tash's Hammer Film audition outfit though

 

Strict Natasha jiggles her jugs.

 

Terrible performance from Mr and Mrs Amrabat, with a massive three figure loss.

 

"Blue team gets battered everywhere they go, blue team gets battered everywhere they go, everywhere they gohhhh !

 

Twins of Evil, Cushing, the Collinson Twins, one bad and the other even badder, what's not to like.

 

Not feeling so smug now are we Tubby, the Jewellery "Expert":

 

Phwoar

 

Moog, I know it's cold and you're stressed but I do like it to be at least this size. Perhaps you could leave your deposit for me in here for later. You know what they say about the cat getting the cream.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Heanor 31
Bargain Hunt Series 58
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000tjjf
Heanor in Derbyshire is the location for today’s programme. Natasha Raskin Sharp is in charge, with experts Catherine Southon and Thomas Forrester helping the red and blue teams as they spend £300 on antiques that could make them a healthy profit. Natasha also looks at the history of Langley Mill pottery.

The Translation:
Heanor-Heanor-Heanor, no it's not a police siren but a place in Derbys blessed with hosting our favourite Tat Bazaar. Strict Natasha takes full control of proceedings in full SchoolMarm mode along with Headmistress Gropey Southon, keeping a keen eye on what the men get up to, and foolish plump schoolboy Tubby Thomas, Miiiiiiiss I've spent 300 pounds on some jewellery I got from a Kinder Surprise. The Auction will be with Deputy Head, the Galloping Gavellier, Handsy Hanson. School Assemblies have never been so much fun.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp, Glasgow Southside enforcer, see profit Jimmie or else.
[Red Team Expert] Catherine Liz Truss Southon, super posh, super dull, super useless
[Blue Team Expert] Tubby Thomas Forrester, the plump schoolboy, bursting out like a ripe boil
[Auctioneer] Charles Manson Hanson, The Phineas T Barking of the Auction World, Bring on The Clown
[Auction Location] Hanson Auction House, Derbys
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Retired married couple.
(Challenge: Has a chain)
[Blue Team] Mixed sex couple. IT manager and Print Supervisor. Slaphead with beard.
(Challenge: Has a pin)

The Shopping:
Reds: Silver cufflinks (14 Challenge) good, Miniature Russian Sanovar (6) bargain, 3 Boxed Royal Crown Derby Xmas decorations (80) topend.
Blues: Blue John compass (100) ouch, Victorian gilt-metal garnet brooch (30 Challenge) OK, Silver pig pincushion (40) OK.

The Distraction:
Strict Natasha looks at the history of Langley Mill pottery. She dons her full Scottish Puritan gear and condemns the curator as being a wastrel and destroys all the brightly coloured items as the frivolous work of Satan. After a severe bout of thrashing and fasting, she's ready for her full oats.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Silver cufflinks (2 quid profit), Miniature Russian Sanovar (1 quid loss), 3 Boxed Royal Crown Derby Xmas decorations (loss).
Dully's BB is an Arts and Crafts silver snake-handled milk jug (139), REJECTED, 50-70, 90. It sinks like a Lead jug.



Blues: Blue John compass (big loss), Victorian gilt-metal garnet brooch (loss), Silver pig pincushion (loss).
Tubby's BB is a 1890s Astro-Hungarian silver, pearl, and garnet filigree drop (80), 40-60, 30. Terrible item and the filigree drops like a stone. The jewellery expert, LOL.



The Aftermath:
More Covid Antique Centre woe, as the haggling has often to be done via the caretaker, I was going to embezzle it all if it wasn't for you pesky kids. Might need a medium to contact the spirit world for some reduction in the ghastly ghostly prices from beyond the grave, which was very apparent during the height of the pandemic. Poor Charles is not quite the same if he doesn't have an live audience to whip into a frenzy. This coupled with 2 of the poorer experts, Dully and Tubby, meant prospects weren't great, but to have only 1 profit out of 8, and that was a minuscule 2 squid one, just shows what piss-poor effort Dully and Tubby produced for their respective teams. Small overall loss for The Reds, only because they rejected Dully's useless BB, and a stonking 3-figure loss for Tubby's Blues. Both teams had BBs which plummetted like a 1980s Branson Balloon folly. A Grand Slam of losses for Tubby including a big loss on his BB qualify this as yet another official Tubby Thomas Disasterclass.



The Hi-Kick:
Indoor Covid diagonal. Strict Natasha gives us a text book Growler kick in her Brotherhood of Man tribute outfit. The Blue Team and Tubby give decent kicks, while the Retired Reds and scary clown-faced Dully disappoint with below par token efforts. Yes, YES!! (for the Growler).

​

 

Heh heh
Exactly the film/clothing I was thinking of.

p.s. imho the Collinsons win history's horror sisters battle vs the Michelle girls from Virgin Witch.

 

I dunno...the extreme heat moog has been pumping out this week...'she's gonna need a bigger boat'.

 

Posh t1t time.

Standing in his own piss again.

Hip-hop and chest nights.

Knitted poodle loo roll holder?

Get that hat off, you're indoors.

Chest-her silver for the Blues.

Hanson hands-on the centre seller.

Walnut stationery box 20 notes, Bargain.

 

Mick Kunt the Dealer in residence.

More Chests on display.

Hanson and his overpriced furniture again.

They both play Chest. Box for games. Oh yes.

They go with his item. No Chest for him later then.

Charles is going to whip them into a frenzy!!!!!

Trilly is going for something racey!!!!

 

Optimism abounds from Timpole. Let's see.

Money cascading down today.

Classic Hanson folly?????? Yep. He delivers. Just burn the money in front of the viewers.

Elmer Fudd in residence.

Trilly goes with a Dinky.

Superb Auction.

 

hmm. a bottle inserted into a little bitch...

Don't google that at work!

 

speaking of things you might see on lowrent xxx sites...
Hello Bluebird

She likes pix of naked blokes too, i see

 

staggering result on the press!

 

"have a dollop of this.." pleads charles


er, No thanks

 

-is that with everything?
-yes, including the free ice cream

Charlie R scores there

 

Oooh dear Charlie, well off the mark with that Corgi Ice Cream van.

 

**** in a hat. Remember this bozo.

Great GG for the reds. No chance the blues under Hissy Blissy come close.

 

Welly welly welly.
smug kitty katey today.

 

**** the bed! They did it. Beanpole Tudor Weeks weaves magic with his oversold performance.

I thought they bought the clocking in machine. Maybe that was another couple of screeching morons on another episode.

 

Excellent work by both teams today !

 

He's so annoying that blue bloke. Total wannabe hipster knobend

 

Getting a GG out of a retail antiques centre takes world class BHing.

 

And then someone said "it'll be tight at the end" !

One always hopes...

 

Thank goodness for this old nonsense. That's as close as affable Charlie gets to calling someone a ****.

 

== it'll be tight at the end

blimey! they weren't wrong!

 

Yup, there was one of those bought in another episode. Sawbridgeworth. A Roo mis-buy.