Bargain Hunt

Excruciating viewing today.

 

Couple of right rum young lads in that room, did you notice?
Suspect they will later be round the back robbing whatever they didn't win.

 

Nice camera shot of Dizzie looking smug/sexy when her BB came in.

 

I believe the technical term is "casing the joint, guv".

Girl on the red team was a bit of a scatty cutie, other than that, nothing to shout about today !

 

well, apart from viewers' early howls of 'aaarrggghhh, oh no, it's that fcking squeaking c*nt again'


Granny's language worsens with age...

 

Yes indeed - although it had its bad points too

 

heh, aye....cctv tapes won't be needed for that crime scene.
they may as well have worn stripey jumpers and eyemasks

 

Good to see the former Australian Cultural Attache slumming it in Lytham St Annes as an Auctioneer.

 

The Squeak wonders how much Rick Wakeman's BB of a pair of Umpa Lumpas will fetch.

They do look like 2 discarded puppets from Joe 90.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Eccleston 17
Bargain Hunt Series 64
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001h903
Danny Sebastian and the teams search for profitable antiques in Lancashire with experts Izzie Balmer and Colin Young. Danny visits the historic Astley Hall in Chorley to learn about some intriguing items of furniture.

The Translation:
Today we're back in the Ee-By-Gum Bygone Times Rag&Bone centre in Eccleston. Presiding is the Charge of the Sh1te Brigade's, Danny Sebastapol, as it also ended in total disaster. "Oh, yes, they call him The Squeak (Buggity, buggery)." He enjoys Eric Morecambe Bay Potted Shrimps, particularly if he can keep the pot and upcycle it as a bespoke window display for some Hoxton Hipster stand-up coffee emporium. Joining him will be Rick Wakeman (except he's back to short hair), let's hope the only hash he presides over is of the Lancs Potato variety, and Dizzie Izzie, who will she be able to Bury a Black Pudding. G'Day, auction will be in Lytham St Annes with Les Patterson, who will attempt to extract a few shekels out of the assembled skinflints and pennypinchers. Fingers crossed it's not a Lancashire Hotchpotch.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Danny Smoke Alarm Sebastapol Sebastian, glass shatters along with any hopes
[Red Team Expert] Dizzie Izzie Barmy Balmer, another member of The 93%, She enjoys a Ram.
[Blue Team Expert] Colin Rapido Young, non-Rick Wakeman variant
[Auctioneer] John Les Patterson Cook
[Auction Location] Lytham St Annes, Lancs
(Miserlin Rating: Approved)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Mixed sex couple, Nurse and support worker. The glasses make her look like a receptionist.
(Challenge: 20th century furniture)
[Blue Team] Married female same sex, BAME flavoured, short-haired etc (BBC boxes ticked), Retired and Training Consultant.
(Challenge: Decorative carved item)

The Shopping:
Reds: Telephone seat/table (50 Challenge) OK, Edwardian dresser/Chester Drawers (100) ouch, Cut glass decanter (19) OK.
Blues: Tribal-style wooden birthing chair (12 Challenge) good, Art Deco-style Dancing figurine (40) OK, Wooden camphor wood chest (75) OK.

The Distraction:
Dan Dan Smoke Alarm visits the historic Rick Astley Hall in Chorley to learn about some intriguing items of furniture, including a bed that Olly Cromwell allegedly slept in. The puritan's stained sheets are hanging up in a display cabinet. As soon as he enters the building, security is alerted. The Squeak tells them he's here to evaluate the furniture and to see if anything can go for a steal. The Lancs Police Anti-Tinker Squad are called and The Squeak accidentally falls down the stairs and is mistakenly used as a punch bag. Later on, the Rozzers apologise and admit they had taken advice on handling certain persons from a wider Commonwealth ancestry, from the Met Abuse, Deviancy and Inequality division, and couldn't understand his high-pitched squeaking protestations. Looks like some more Gold teeth will be required.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Telephone seat/table (loss), Edwardian dresser/Chester Drawers (big loss), Cut glass decanter (loss).
Dizzies's BB is a 1904 is a gun-shaped pencil, ink, pen item (52) pen went missing in transit 40-60, 120. Excellent find Dizzie.



Blues: Tribal-style wooden birthing chair (small loss), Art Deco-style Dancing figurine (small loss), Wooden camphor wood chest (loss)
Rick's BB is Beswick Puma On rock pottery (Matt) (25), 30-40, 48. Good work Rick.



The Aftermath:
These Antique centres without sellers are so soulless. Couple that with a lisping Les Patterson Auctioneer who has the charisma of one of The Squeak's binned apple crates and you have a disaster waiting to happen. Everything made a loss bar the 2 BBs which made excellent profits, resulting to a small loss for the Reds and a small profit for the Blues.



The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor kick. Good effort all round with everyone hitting at least par, Unfortunately, Dizzie's foot obstructs Red girl's attempted Growler exposure. Shame. Yes, YES!!

​

 

But still some pleasure to be had. Like a very dull car crash. A 5 mph bump with a hubcap falling off.

 

This shot? Also the way Red Girl looked at her adoringly when her other half was looking away spoke volumes. Both their Red Fleeces could well be interacting later.

 

In David Cronenberg's new reboot of Dr Doolitle, instead of talking to the animals, the animal transforms into him. Contains violence, scenes of a sexual nature, and extreme squeaking.

 

Coming Soon ......, the look of excitement on all their faces when they realise Gropey Dully Southon is on the rostrum.

Dully, Gary PP, and McWitch all on the same episode. Will the excitement never end Her-Her-Her-Her-Her. Cleetus the HillBilly is waiting for the Duelling Banjo's during the Distraction. Squeal like a pig Gary, Peeeeeeeeeeeee, Peeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

 

I'd love to get groped by Southon

 

Have 'em scrubbed & sent to my tent.....

 

arf! so right. uncanny.
quite the day for it, what with Slur Les being on the gavel too

 

what a potential episode: moog & Reg in Watford short Red, aided by Southon, auctioneered by Christina, versus two drongos in L*ton short Blue with Gary Pe.
Southon takes shameful advantage when moog shuts eyes for the BB...

 

Moog shuts eyes and is suddenly floored by McWitch swooping down on her broomstick, pinning him to the floor by the BH backdrop, her false laugh and slurring crescendoing to a shuddering climax. Meanwhile, the 0n-trend industrial angle-poise lamp, being auctioned while all this is going on, makes a 200 profit. Christina is so impressed with Reg that she confesses undying love and puts on her special librarian glasses, no, not the dark ones that go with a white stick, but the ones featured yesterday.

 

History of the barber's shop today. Should be a good episode. Only downside is one of the experts is Gary Piddle-eye-poh, so I suppose it'll be more tiresome cracked oriental China he'll want to buy.

 

McWitch her-her-her-her. Banjo playing. Squeal like a pig Gary, Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Oh the d1ck head with the horses head.

Another Nursey today. Largish daughter. Matron material?

Reds draw the short straw with Gary.

Rusty love chair. Dully will be salivating at the prospect.

John Christie's Top Hat.

Paper rollers? Another bizarre Gary item.

Tat is attracted to Gary like iron fillings to a magnet.

A tricycle without the wheels. Unbelievable.

 

Donkey head for the Donkey. Jesus what rubbish.

Cat Weather vane, they are Feline the pressure, her-her-her-her says McWitch.

A Plaidy punt on those holders.

More false laughing. So insincere.

What do you do with those rollers?, asks Dully

The Alarm Clock will wake you up says Dully, if I haven't woken you up earlier.

 

Red bloke is tall and lanky with some long legs. Could be some +90 degree kicking today with any luck.

 

Clive loves high-kicking Red blokes...

 

There's no ******* way I'd buy an angle poise lamp.

 

Maybe there will be a café owner in the auction audience who wants to put a fake donkey head on each of his tables.

 

Sexpot Posho Southon on the rostrum today. Gonna be a busy 15 min for me. Excuse me gents. Tissues at the ready.

 

She lovers a Topper, Moog.

Here we go. It's Gary time !!!!!!!!

She's such a poor Auctioneer. Gary has no chance.

She's really selling the Donkey head.

Place to park your miniature bicycle on that figure.

She puts the Resin kiss of death on it.

 

Or perhaps someone who is refurbishing an old gite in rural France with a pre revolution theme, who has a novelty sex doll that he wants to put a donkey head on to satisfy his reverse centaur perverted kink.

 

Wallpaper cylinders? For the skip. Absolute grot.

 

Would you like to buy ready made wallpaper from Wickes, or print your own, by hand with this pile of crap?

 

Alarm clock straight from thr charity shop window.

 

Gary Pe hiding his head in shame there.
Getting a good sniff of Redbird armpit while he's at it.

 

Pinata. Southon showing her cultural knowledge.

Obviously from a production of Midsummer night's dream. Bottom's ass head.

Bh filled with ignorami

 

Should've shoved it in his ass