Bargain Hunt

Speaking of which, I think a reverse #metoo needs to be set up to expose weird men who rebuff soft sexual harassment from awesomely gorgeous Scottish antique experts. This ear trumpet guy needs to be cancelled.

 

arf!

 

I see the documentary Legend of the Witches is on TPix in the small hours.
No, not Foghorn and Anita; naked Satanists in 1969 London.

 

I think most of our ear trumpets were being actively used during this segment.

 

Fark the Grand National.

Thomas the weatherman dressed very casually. Tut tut.

Eric, Rick, Raj, and the always excellent Auntie Liz.

Fark a massive wasp just came in. Disposed of.

Eric in Herts on an old bike.

Antiques Centre today.

Research Scientist Reds. How did you meet? I wonder?

Mother and Son BAME Blues.

Full on Rick Wakeman look.

Red Bloke is punching above his weight with his other half.

With a chain/sporting connection

Sport for Raj. A chain for Rick, to hang himself.

Something I saw says Colin. Is it actually a saw?

The state of his hair.

The Dalek's twin is a centre manager here.

Good discounts in Herts. A good sign.

Discii.

Old school sports junk.

Let's go upstairs. Words you always hope to hear from our Fave girls.

Jobsworth Manager for the Blues. Only 10% discounts or call the dealer.

Has a Covid emergence vibe to this episode.

Another female manager in the leopard jacket is more generous. I bet she's very accommodating. She has a glint in her eye. I think I might ask to look at the goods upstairs, so to speak.

Starement piece as in this overpriced tat.

It's in full working order she says. Yes it definitely is.

 

Leopard lady is lovely. She's wearing boots too.







Get the handcuffs is heard. Indeed.

Will Sydney do 69? Cough.

Reds. Handcuffs, globe, and wall clock.

I also liked the way it moved. Cough.

Fire marque, clock, and Discii for the Blues.

Raj wearing his 101 Dalmatians shirt.

Harlem museum.

Vintage Blaxplo?

Trilly's stylish pimp hat?

What about the ride? Bumpy and shakey. Then there's travelling on the bicycle.

Arial/Aerial quintet. 5 packets of washing powder?

Triumph recumbent. Fantastic names. Swedish.

 

Auntie Liz.

Does she like hancuffs? A Struggle.

70s Globe. Ouch.

Naughty nautical clock. Good.

Birmingham lead fire mark/marque. She likes alot.

Nice mantel clock. She likes, en vogue. Big spend. Oh she says. It's going to struggle.

Discii are topend.

She is charm personified.

Here we go.

Reds are up.

Loss on the cuffs. Hmmmmm.

That globe does look nice. A loss.

Audience lounging comatose in armchairs. Has he spotted the Wokesfuhrer.



Profit on the uusual clock. 20 profit.

Colin gets an early rejected item as his BB. The razor is actually a skin grafter. 8 notes. Surely a profit.

It makes a decent profit. They end on -17.

Blues now.

Lead fire thing makes a profit.

Clock is climbing but still falls short. 80 note loss.

Box of ribbish. A Daniel lot. 2 note loss.

So near yet so far.

Raj BB time. Indian silver trinkets. 30 notes. Safe bet surely.

Liz likes. White metal - Indian silver. LOL.

Oh dear 12 note loss. Overall -86. Whoops.

Not a hive of activity in the room.

 

Final kick.

 

Enjoyable episode. 2 OK teams. Terrible Colin haircut. Excellent as always Auntie Liz. Sydney, the extremely sexy Antiques Centre Manageress, has a bit of Cherie Lunghi about her.

 

Excalibur arises.

 

With added Anna Friel, perhaps?

 

Neko Case is at the door and wants her image (& coat) back.

 

superb bit of recherché posting!

 

Re-up from July 2022 with additions:
BBC approved preamble:
Sawbridgeworth 7
Series 62
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0019fmv
Eric Knowles and experts Colin Young and Raj Bisram are in Sawbridgeworth, Hertfordshire, to go shopping for antiques with the red and blue teams. They are hoping for big profits when they head to the auction in Norfolk. Eric takes a trip down the road to the Harlow Museum to see an amazing collection of rare bicycles from around the world.

The Translation:
Uncle Eric is in homely Herts, in some empty antiques showroom in Sawbridgeworth. He rambles about rocking horses and bicycles giving us a clue about the later Distraction. Today he is assisted by slow puncture, Rick Wakeman turning his hand at experting rather than gavelling, while the playing cards held on with clothes pegs to flick against the spokes, is provided by Dr Evil Bisram. Ah, the Auction is in Niggardly Norfolk, so it could be the excellent Auntie Liz, she was great when she was on before, with a good sense of humour, looks like an old maid but could well be a swinger according to @wfcmoog.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Uncle Eric Knowles, super safe pair of hands, purveyor of the sausage.
[Red Team Expert] Colin Rick Wakeman Young
[Blue Team Expert] Raj Dr Evil Bisram
[Auctioneer] Elizabeth Talbot, sounds like and looks like a Jane Austen extra. Auntie Liz.
[Auction Location] Diss, Norfolk twinned with Datt in Germany
[Miserlin Rating] Unlisted

​

The Teams:
[Red Team] Married couple from Cambs, both Research scientists with Chemistry backgrounds, How did you meet? What a stupid question. Bleedin' obvious isn't it.
(Challenge: With a chain)
[Blue Team] Mother and son UK Asian (BBC BAME Box ticked), he's into horse riding
(Challenge: With a sporting connection)

The Shopping:
Reds: Vintage handcuffs (32 Challenge) struggle, 20th Century Globe (110) could well struggle, Retro clock on a rope aka hanging wall clock (15) Good buy.
Blues: Birmingham lead fire marker (30) good, Elliott's Of London, Chinoiserie Mantel Clock (190) oof estimated at 40-60, Box of 7 vintage discuses or is it discii (50) might be OK.

The Distraction:
Uncle Eric is off to the Harlow Cycle museum. Here he gets a boneshaker followed by a kneetrembler and goes tandem with the curator. Exhausting work.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Vintage handcuffs (small loss), 20th Century Globe (biggish loss), Retro clock on a rope aka hanging wall clock (nice profit).
Rick's BB is a Humby razor in a box (8), 5-10, let's see she's never sold one before, 28, nice profit. A bit of Lazyitus from Rick as it was the first item they looked at, but it did make a profit.

​

Blues: Birmingham lead fire marker (small profit), Elliott's Of London, Chinoiserie Mantel Clock (big loss), Box of 7 vintage discuses or is it discii (small loss).
Raj's BB is a set of 3 Indian silver items (30), 15-25, 18, a small loss from Raj. Unlucky.

​

The Aftermath:
Enjoyable episode. 2 OK teams. Terrible Colin haircut. Excellent as always Auntie Liz, bang on with her estimates, she is good. Sydney, the extremely sexy Antiques Centre Manageress, was a real sweetie to the Blue Bloke and helped them out with some generous discounts. Good on her. Rick's Reds had losses on the fire marker and a big loss on the big spend globe which was nice but too pricey but did claw the losses back with the clock on the rope and his BB which looked like a razor but turned out to be a skin grafter. We thought that Rick was being lazy with this item rejected earlier, but he had done his research and it was an unusual scientific item which was priced at 8 notes because nobody knew what it was. It was under-priced and it made a good profit. Reds end on minus 17 notes. Raj's Blues had their fire marker and Discii basically cancel each other out. What sank them was the very elegant mantel clock big spend which was lovely but way overpriced. It made a big loss which was only dented by the profit made by Raj's Indian silver trinkets. Blues end up on 86 in the red. So the big spend items determine the fate of both teams. It's always a bit trickier in these deserted Antique Centres where you are reliant of the flaxibility of the staff working there. Bad news if it's in Scotland or Yorkshire.

​

The Hi-Kick:
Indoor Covid diagonal kick. It's a bit uncoordinated but OK. The Steep angle doesn't help. Yes, YES!!

 

Indeed it is.

 

Yes, excellent spot!

 

sunday...

wtf is going on here...i love danny's chairs and globe

headsetted auctioneer

Redbloke has a winningly hilarious face

there's a hideous jug that has to be seen to be believed. (and heard! )

Bingo has them all in banana splits with his comedy BB.

Reg will surely be reminding us of one of his record book entries for a Red lot

 

Lovely bit of grabbery there, Reg.
Turned innocent daytime telly into a jungle-hot climax sequence.

 

Tash, Danny Squeak and Bingo in Hel/Heil. Covid emergence episode. Auction is with ..... shiiiiittttt.

Oh fark, it's the Belisha beacon with a personality to match, Mumbling Mary.

No patter, appalling auctioneering skills, basically mumble what's on the screen, wait for virtually no bids come in, sold for no profit, repeat.

Devon has plenty of old trades, cider pressing, glass blowing and mumbling.

Remake of The Prisoner set in a glass factory. Be Seeing You.



Tash fondling and playing with a hand held tool and giving us one of those gorgeous smiles.





Dustbin Dan's BB already spotted. Gary will be jealous.



More 1930s German-style statues.



Reds are a married male postie and his legal cashier wife who looks like Ronnie Biggs in drag.



They love junk basically, they'll fit right in with the Squeak.

They are mates with the Blues. Will Buster Edwards in drag be on that team?

No, it's married solicitor wife called Verren, was there a typo on the birth certificate, and male artificial insemination technician hubby, a job the all the blokes would love to have. Today our job is to move along the conveyor belt and process these Christina clones.

The Blues will get Bingo.

They hang out together, no doubt mobile spunk dispenser Blue bloke will hang out a lot.

What makes a good expert? Anyone who doesn't have any of the characteristics of the Squeak.

Blue baster boy is a tightwad it appears.

Theatre or entertainment connection/With wheels

WTF is that!!!



Keep your eyes open squeaks Dogwhistle Dan. Yes, that would help.

Seem to remember that the Antiques Centre in Hele had 2 very helpful and generous managers.

Is that a Bust of our Auctioneer. Mumbling Mary and Bust in the same sentence. How appropriate.


The Dustbin of Dan, The Black Hole of Tat, draws in these knackered, sorry playworn soldiers.

Crown Devon Musical jug.

Is that one of the Managers from before? Must be, he drops the 35 note jug to 19. Top bloke. Blue's challenge crossed off.

Yup now it's the other manager with the beard and glasses. Same 2 as before. Shame all their generous discounting will come to a mumbling crash.

Soldiers down to 20. Very generous.

Tried it once and didn't like it style Blue Harridan.

It's nice on that base says Dustbin Dan about a knackered globe.

Bauhaus mentioned while a toast rack is discussed. Well Peter Murphy likes his toast just as much as any man particularly Robertson's Silver Shred with a paper Golly.

Another generous discount by the nice Manager. I do like this place.

The Squeak has found a little brass trumpet. Will it Squeak as high as Daniel when played?

WHAT HAVE YOU FOUND THERE booms Clive the centre manager, like a school master catching a bunch of school boys thumbing through an issue of Whitehouse.

We found him outside grovelling in the bins say the Red Team about their s0-called expert.

A fiver for the little trumpet. Yet another generous price.

The other Manager Ian gives them yet another generous discount.

The Squeak spouts random names to give the impression he knows what he's talking about.

Bloody hell, Clive sells them both chairs for the price of one. Is he on drugs?

Those 70s chairs will prove popular.

Reds have bought Lead soldiers, mini trumpet, 2 x 70s chairs

The Squeak is going for the lazy option of something they've looked at already.

Blues have bought a musical jug, toast rack, an pair of candlesticks.

Tash starts off The Distraction by pumping and jacking off a large soon to be throbbing object.

Wheelwright heaven. He has a hipster tache just for Tash.

Working with wood, Tash's eyes light up.

She's a lover of period drama.

Tash gets banging the wood between her thighs. Tossing a caber has never been so much fun.

Work it says the hipster.

He's going at it he says.

A group of lads start banging as Tash lets them do their stuff.

Mumble mumle mulble. It's Mary.

She mumbles approval over the soldiers, trumpet mumble OK, chairs mumble maybe OK.

She goes wild over anything yellow. Hornets fans beware!!!!!

Seeing the items separated on the table, Bingo chooses class, Danny Boy chooses tat.

Musical jug she things it's mumble unsaleable. the toast rack. What size bread mumble are you getting in there?

Not such a cute expression.



20-30 she mumbles. Tash is quite shocked.

The candlesticks are quite mumble nice. Repaired.

Mumble mumble soldiers. Maiden bid wipes face, she hardly tries to sell them Poor.

Trumpet makes 3 whole mumble notes.

Panton chaits. Phone bid excitement. 200 and climbing. 360. 175 profit.

The Squeak can't stop squawking.

The phone bid competing against an online bid really drove the price up.

She just mumbled what the screen was saying.

Squeak's previously viewed BB is the shiiitty globe from earlier. Will they reject again?

It's got antiqueness he squeaks. Is that an actual word?

They REJECT again. LOL. They hated it the first time you lazy idiot.

Mary mumble nice base mumble. 40-60. LOL. It loses 45. LOL. You useless idiot.

Reds +178.. Don't get Kocky says Tash. No the Kock is in the bowler hat.

She can't sell the jug for more than 10.

Toast rack makes a mumble loss.

Anti-GG? Candelsticks. Up to 130. Result.

So both big spends rocket today. Everything else struggles. How unusual.

Bingo BB is a clown inspired by the Squeak's hat. Ha ha. Bingo taking the p1ss out of The Squeak. LOL. It's 70s, it's so awful he says that he loves it. Ha ha. Excellent John. Very funny. 9 notes. It's actually a hanging planter. It is truly hideous.

Mary gives her expert opinion. Mumble, mumble, nightmares, mumble. Good work she mumbles. Maiden bid of 2 pounds. 7 note loss. Blues overall make a tenner. 2 overall profits at Mumbling Mary's is a result. The big spends had very generous big discounts, so the real heroes are those Centre Managers.

If you fancy doing it then you can, orders Tash. I obey.

Fantastic Tash Growler Kick to finish. Yes, YES!!



Better episode than expected or remembered. Mumbling Mary Terrible and The Squeak Terrible. The stars were the Centre Managers who gave such fantastic discounts.

 

No, the chairs weren't even close to the top entries.

 

This epidode has been briefly mentioned in Dispatches in Oct 2022 no less ..........

Moog:
Oh god, it's auctioneer Mary. Expect a terrible auction.

Natasha desperately trying to make the conversation with Dull Mary sparkle by giggling at everything.

Shame they didn't ask for an extra quid off the soldiers for a GG.

I'm pleased when people make a big win on a big spend. So rare.

Harefield:
Which would have been a tenner had the trader done them at original price each instead of the pair. (Mind you, the dealers get the full asking price off the Beeb anyway, met someone a few years ago who'd been a contestant - it's all about as straight as bent curvy wobbly thingy).

Reg:
[Keighley said: I would.]

Mumbling Mary is into yellow @Keighley
"Yeah, anything yellow, I go wild. I love them."

Sounds like all you need to do is turn up in Devon wearing the first team shirt and Bingo.

OT78:
Danny boy finally earns that fckng feather in his cap/voodoo priest insignia.
Miracle!
What next?
Foghorn to wear an outfit that we and Reg find attractive?
Yes, stretching credulity, I know.

Reg:
Yes, but that Globe rescued from the bins showed off his real talent. Nice big fat loss on that.

 

I much enjoyed the bust Reg'd-up as Mary

 

Re-up from Oct 2022 with additions:
BBC approved preamble:
Hele 16
Series 62
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001c3d8
Natasha Raskin Sharp and the teams go shopping in Hele, near Exeter, with experts Danny Sebastian and John Cameron. Natasha learns more about wheelwrights.

The Translation:
Back to Hele/Heel/Heal in Devon, Strict Natasha the Glasgow Southsider can't wait to get back to Devon, where it's traditional methods of cider pressing, lace making and production of top tramps tipple, Buckfast Tonic Wine, are still going strong. Bucky whose subtle blend of pure caffeine and fortified wine is one of the reasons why the Scots are World Leaders in wanton drunken destruction. Joining her in Devon is Marine Boy Bingo who doesn't have to come far and Dogwhistle Dan who takes several weeks to arrive on his horse drawn canal boat or is it a donkey cart. Jings as our presenting Scot would exclaim, the Gavelling is to be done by Mumbling Mary Chilcott. Her inquiry into widespread mumbling in the Auction World led to precisely nothing, which would be an acceptable result for one of her moribund auctions.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp
[Red Team Expert] Danny Squeaky Trolley Wheely Sebastian, the dog toy yet to be destroyed
[Blue Team Expert] John Bingo Cameron
[Auctioneer] Posh Mumbling Mary Chilcott, she goes wild for yellow
[Auction Location] Chilcotts, Honiton
[Miserlin Rating] One Star

​

The Teams:
[Red Team] Married couple, he's a postie.
(Challenge: Theatre or entertainment)
[Blue Team] Married couple, a solicitor and an artificial insemination technition. Ah a purveyor of industrial quantities of spunk. She's called Verren, unusual name. Lends it's name to the Verren Babydoll Tartan Dress (see below). The mind boggles.
(Challenge: With wheels)

The Shopping:
Reds: 20th-century lead soldiers (20) good, Novelty miniature trumpet (5 Challenge) topend LOL, Pair of Retro Chairs (165), yellow she goes wild, very low estimate.
Blues: Crown Devon musical jug (19 Challenge) underestimated, Silver-plated Walker and Hall toast rack (64) underestimated, Edwardian silver candlesticks (85) OK.

The Distraction:
Strict Natasha is shown wheelwrighting which superceded wheelwronging. She's disappointed as it's not a trip to Buckfast Abbey where she could get leglessly thwuntered.

​

The Auction:
Reds: 20th-century lead soldiers (evens stevens), Novelty miniature trumpet (small profit), Pair of Retro Chairs (massive profit).
Squeak's BB is a Globe rescued from a fly tip (90), 40-60, yup it's sh1te, 45, yup it's sh1te. Yet another Squeak Dud.

​

Blues: Crown Devon musical jug (loss) at ten, at ten, at ten, just like a stuck record, Silver-plated Walker and Hall toast rack (loss), Edwardian silver candlesticks (largish profit).
Marine Boy's BB is a weird clown figure, even he things it's hideous, it does remind one of Dogwhistle Dan, (9), 10-15, looking good unlike the clown, 2 whole pounds. LOL.

​

The Aftermath:
A generally poor auction only enlivened by the 2 big spends which went nuts across the airwaves. Mumbling Mary the underestimator demonstrates that mumbling the figures that flash up on your screen, an auctioneer does not make. Danny's Reds were only a squeak away from a GG as Mary just accepted a maiden bid and thumped the gavel down. The small trumpet made a small profit but the chairs rocketed to a big win, thanks mainly to the overgenerous discount from that excellent Antiques Centre. Luckily the chairs attracted a phone bidder and an internet bidder who go head-to-head for something they really want. The Squeak's laughable BB of the once rejected skip rescued globe was yet again rejected by the team. It made a big loss fully vindicating their decision to reject it twice. Reds end on 178. Bingo's Blues made losses on the musical jug and on the stylish toast rack. Anti-GG was avoided with the heavily discounted candlesticks making a heavy profit. John's BB was a hilariously awful ceramic clown hanging planter. It was so hideous that it was good, said Bingo. Unfortunately, nobody really wanted to buy it and it sold for 2 notes. They still make a tenner profit. 2 overall profits at a Mumbling Mary Auction. A decent result. An unexpecyed result.

​

The Hi-Kick:
Indoor Covid diagonal. Strict Natasha gives us a magnificent high growler but everyone is decent and makes par. Good effort. Squeaky gives us a nice close-up of his sweaty armpit to put you off your lunch. Yes, YES!!

​

Verren Babydoll Tartan Dress

​

 

Yesterday's Sawbridgeworth episode ha a twin. Unfortunately, it wasn't the foursome you'd usually expect, the other 2 having the same staff and Auctioneer but were held in Huntingdon in my manor. Yes, sexy Sawbridgeworth Sydney doll has another appearance but she's not in much of it. Booooooo.

Colin Wakeman's Red Team get Sydney this time and he wastes no time in gawping at her arse.





She has lost the coat in this one so perhaps the other 2 episodes had to be re-filmed elsewhere as more items of clothing had been removed giving us the whole new concept of Strip Bargain Hunt. Perhaps this could be used as a new post-watershed show. For each loss, an item of clothing has to be removed by all members of the offending team. The higher the loss on the item the more prominent the clothing that has to be removed. They could use the sound of one of Christina's Dirtiest of Laughs as the unveiling event progressed. This would no doubt end with Carloss Wispa being stark-bollock naked at the end of every episode, a grim scenario, and @wfcmoog would get to see Grabby Catherine in her birthday suit .... again!!!

Any profits made would result in the team putting back on one item from the discarded clothing pile, they would not be allowed to put on their own previously worn items but one directed by the Auctioneer, or perhaps the Presenter, or maybe the buyer of the actual object, this would drive profits up perhaps, so not an ideal thing. Standby for much cross-dressing hilarity which would also tick BBC Diversity boxes too. Food for thought.

 

==Food for thought

I have thought, and i am hungry for it

 

Fat thumbs. It makes me sound like I have a cold.

 

oh blast it! been off line since friday afternoon, missed it. Who was the lucky bu99er riding with her?

 

sounds like an excellent show - in parts...I'd be up for it! - in parts

Actually, pause that, I need to see @reg_varney 's league table before I commit.

 

Uncle Eric is borderline Harry Worth

 

"now, just throw your leg over, thats right - straddle it. Just lower yourself gently into a sitting position. Yes you can keep your boots on. Now get a hold of the tool, and ease it back and forth, thats it get a nice rhythm going and see, as the wood begins to take shape you do get a bit of a mess on the floor, but we'll clean that up later."

 

Charl-eh has his love token at the ready.

Spot the large Kock.



Steph looking great today.

Bingo looking more hunting and fishing guy today. Got one of those stupid peaked caps though. Take it off Mustard Man.

Steph trying to school those 2 idiots. It goes straight in one ear and out the other.

Ken Barlow pottery.

Numpty has a dart tattooed on his hand.

Listen to your expert you twonk.

Bingo Baking himself like a Baled potato.

Old metal, a bit of fun. Maybe not.

 

Has anyone bought an unopened bottle of vintage wine before?

Charl-eh to show us his tiny treasure.

Visitor engagement manager = Tour Guide.

Dr Evil will like that bottle of wine.

 

Steph's so smart/sexy!
Clearly ovulating. Nail varnish shade tells.

Unlucky on that chair.

Bingo beaming but BB burns.

 

a "hat-trick of tw@s in a hats" epidode. (sorry @reg_varney ,couldnt resist). They must have been wanting Ochuko.

Jon Boy looks like hes got one of those inflatable sumo suits on..

 

intresting to see Charlie only had the blue hankie in his blazer pocket when he was announcing they'd won..