You're Not Alone

It's the breathing in and feeling you've been stabbed that killed me when I busted mine. Absolutely horrible injury.

 

I've had my ribs broken 3 times:

1. An evil CF when I was defending a corner; 11-a side football.
2. A clumsy, arms flailing lummox; indoor, indoor FFS 5-a-side football.
3. An evil psychopath; my wife; non-football-related 'play-fighting'. Don't ask.

The post-injury pain, TCT, is indeed like no other. Sleep, what sleep???

 

Even worse with a bout of hay fever. I was in bits. Thankfully I had a decent Dr who pumped me full of anti histamine.

 

I had a really bad splinter once.

 

Slept in a chair sitting up in the end.

 

In my 50 odd years I have had the misfortune to lose my mum, dad, brother, sister and wife

Thankfully knew I was loved by them all and I loved them. That always gives me solitude

I always urge anybody to make peace, if possible, with any older relative as before you know it it's too late

 

Snowflake.

 

No. Chipboard.

 

Jesus H, Halfway!!!

And right there is a relative take on what people go though!!!

You know the drill, and you know it's heartfelt:

Keep the Faith

SCG

 

Thank you for sharing that @Halfwayline. It’s easy to get emotional about WFC and forget what’s really important.

 

You can even remove the older. Far too many are taken away before they should be.

When I first moved to the US, my wife was in the process of losing contact with one of her long term friends. The friend had become a bit unpleasant over time due to untreated mental health issues (it's the US, a simple doctor's visit costs you hundreds), and it ended up causing a schism between them. They stopped talking for a number of years.

Fast forward a bit and the friend ended up developing leukemia in her early thirties. She didn't make it - gone well before she hit 35.

Luckily my wife had patched things up with her shortly before the diagnosis, so neither of them ended up with any regrets. My wife was actually one of the few people who stuck by her right through to the bitter end; her other "friends" just drifted away once she became a burden to visit (i.e. no longer fun to hang around with). Quite sobering to watch how quickly many will completely drop contact with a terminally ill person.

For the record, watching someone die from leukemia is profoundly unpleasant, and served to solidify my support for voluntary euthanasia. We should all be granted the dignity to choose when we leave this world, not forced to suffer through incurable diseases in writhing agony.

If you're estranged from someone and that bothers you, act to change it immediately. Life isn't fair, and you never know when something will go catastrophically wrong... even if they're young.

 

Things are getting better for me personally, following my previous posts. Thanks again for all of your kind words and for not judging.

I didn’t get the secondment at work but thinking about it, I don’t think I interviewed as strongly as I would’ve liked and with everything else going on a change in career path may have been a bit much to handle.

Work have arranged some sessions with a counsellor. She’s very nice and clearly has a lot of experience. She’s very good at her job. We’ve spoken about a lot of things and it’s helped me starting to see some light at the of the tunnel.

The house sale is progressing nicely and the estate agent is hopeful of it being done in the next 8-10 weeks, all being well.

Long way to go but I feel a lot better than I did when initially interacting with this post.

Hope everyone else is keeping well and has a good weekend when it arrives.

 

thanks Skyla. Actually I’m all very good. You have one life is my motto

one thing I’ve learnt is there’s no menu of what’s the worse things to go through. It’s down to the individual coping mechanisms. I know people that have fallen off the wagon as their elderly mother passed and those that can cope with losing a child

that’s why it’s always good to be nice…which is presumably why this thread was started

 

I used to work with a French lady a bit older than me and her motto for life, which she repeat frequently, was “It’s nice to be nice”. It became something of a joke in the office, but she was absolutely right.

 

I thought that I should give an update on my stuff.

The therapist that I was seeing recommended that I went to a trauma specialist who does EMDR - Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing.
I was dubious in the extreme as it sounded as flakey as hell. Even the practitioner said, in her opening chat, that it sounds as if she had read it on the back of a cereal packet.
The results were amazing. During the first session a phobia I'd had, which I attributed to the trauma, disappeared. Before the session I could never touch jewellery without wanting to vomit.
That phobia has totally gone. My wife very reluctantly put some of her jewellery, which she never wears, in may hands. Nothing. No response from me (other than the worry that I may now have to buy her some of the stuff). After the second session people said that I appeared different. My eyes were shining. Life seems brighter.

For anyone who suffers from post traumatic stress I would thoroughly recommend it. Obviously it won't work for everyone. No method will help everyone, but it has certainly helped me, and I thought it was new age mumbo jumbo crap.

 

Interesting post. My cousin's wife is training to be a therapist at the moment, particularly around trauma. Was chatting to her and she mentioned EMDR and how it was relatively new.

She said that she found it a very powerful tool and was extremely positive about the effect it can have. Like your therapist, she did say that it does sound like a load of hippy rubbish, but that it had a massive impact. She had some big life incidents that it had really helped her deal with too.

It's great that it's worked for you.

 

My wife did EMDR a short while ago. Like you, I was pretty sceptical (as was my wife). It sounds like a bunch of utter nonsense.

The results speak for themselves, though. It has made an enormous difference to my wife and has helped her process some longstanding trauma issues.

 

One of the things I never seem to get round to doing is reading up on Our Sigmund.

Which leads nicely onto another 'interesting' (you'll all be the judge of that, obvs) thing.

I effing hate the dark nights with a passion, so this year I'm going head-to-head with them, and compiling a list of things to do between the Autumn Equinox and the Spring Equinox; I'll do some of them, probably not all of them, but that matters not one jot. In no particular order of priority, here is the list thus far, with a new addition this very minute:

Read up on Sigmund Freud
Go to Surprise Gap in Hathersage to see the night sky (attn. Keighley)
Start guitar lessons
Catalogue/scan my late mum's photos
Ditto my dad's letters to my mum when they were courting
Catalogue my granddad's football memorabilia
Sort out the paperwork in the house currently stored in bags-for-life
Read some of my unread books
Start watching the full Laurel and Hardy box set my wife bought me (at my request) years ago
Learn more Spanish
Go to the Spanish 'Intercambio' socials held in Sheffield (attn. hb1)
Compile the music playlist of my favourite songs
Visit the wine merchant shop Mitchells in Sheffield to learn more about quality red wines from around the world (attn.Keighley)
Cook some new dishes
Look into, or fcuk right of, the very thought off, 'Chair Yoga'...

Hope this might inspire some of you to do a similar list, or at least think differently about the dark nights...

Spring is in the air...

Arriba!!! (FAO hb1)

Fcuk the Black Dog

Keep the Faith

Big Watford Love

SCG

 

'Look into, or fcuk right off', the very thought of, (FAO Keighley)

 

Interview with Perry Groves on TalkSport this week was very interesting. Suffered with alcoholism and depression. Thoughts of suicide and how to make it look like an accident.

 

Moved me to tears. He was much loved here in the Steel City.

I'll try and find that over the weekend to watch/listen to; the more stories we hear, the better we'll (hopefully) get at spotting those oh-so-elusive signs.

I heard a tragic story just this very evening, about a friend's son-in-law's suicide. I'm not going to share the details of 'how'; quite simply too horrible. But yet again, and so, so worryingly, no warning signs.

So reach out, WFCforum brothers and sisters, if you're struggling. There is always someone waiting patiently in the wings to help you. Always.

Big Watford Love, All

Keep the Faith

SCG

 

New route starting soon in Rickmansworth for this emerging mens health walking group.

https://x.com/BlokesClub?t=aas5SwNomwUuZeXu5A5nMw&s=09

 

It's World Suicide Prevention Day tomorrow.

If this reaches just 1 person that needs it I'll be the most happy person on the planet.


https://www.samaritans.org/

 

Someone once said to me that they imagined that there were a lot of people who probably thought of me as a friend whereas I thought of them as an acquaintances, What that meant was that I was always there for them, if they needed to talk, but I never felt that I could talk to them. As a result I always felt isolated. Fortunately for me I have never been suicidal but I can understand it.

It is the staunch people that everyone should look out for. They may not be a s staunch as you think. It is the ones that care so much that people forget that they need caring for too. We all need to look after each other. You can never tell how someone is really feeling. God! this is sounding like a list of cliches. It is, but sometimes there is a reason for cliches.

 

Went back to my house today to collect the last of my things. My ex couldn’t look me in the eye and hid while I cleared the garage out.

The cat wasn’t there so I couldn’t see him to say good bye, which I’m gutted about, but I found a photo of me and my mum in amongst my stuff so it was a worthwhile trip.

My vinyl collection is unscathed too!

 

If it wasn’t, you could have called The Police! Joking apart, I’m glad you have got that out of the way. I know from experience how bloody tough that process is. The fact your ex couldn’t look you in the eye should be used as a bedrock of self-confirmation: you were not to blame.
Mine actually went upstairs and came down starkers wanting to know if I wanted a ‘last fling’ as her new bloke wasn’t ‘as good’. Luckily I’d packed most of what I wanted and left pronto. The few albums I’d sacrificed weren’t worth the confusion.

Keep reminding yourself: ‘it happens and I was not to blame’.

 

Thank you, very kind of you. Very good attitude to have - how bizarre of your ex to try and seduce you like that though.

 

The fact she dumped me may suggest she was a bit crazy? Again, joking, but in retrospect I saw it as an attempt to reverse her decision, which I’m forever glad I ran away from.
Just remind yourself you were not to blame; things just fail sometimes, but the next one could be fantastic. It has been for me, 37 years later & still great.

 

Really pleased for you mate.