My mum found a packet of cigarettes when she washed my jeans. I was age 10. I told her I had taken them off a mate, as it was naughty to smoke. I think she believed me. I eventually stopped smoking when I was 41.
I volleyed a frog once. It was a dark and wet walk home from the pub, and I noticed a frog hop across the pavement in front of me. An instinctive swipe of the right foot lead to the sweetest of connections sending the frog spiralling into the air, passing through the light of a streetlamp before thudding onto a parked car about 50 feet down the road. I've done far worse, not sharing it on here though.
Nope never volleyed a frog you have me there. Drove into a pigeon on purpose one time. Even sped up to do it. Other than that I doubt I would put up any of my top 10 worst things.
put a drunken mate on the liverpool ferry when he was supposed to be getting married a few hours later
Poured petrol on a mate whilst he was asleep then set him alight before waking him up. Twice. Long time ago. He doesn't have any physical scars.
Once shat into a plastic cup from the top of a wardrobe whilst in charge of England U21's - or was that a figment of my imagination??
A German Building firm stitched me up for €10k ... it cost them €400k to put right the improvements me and my lads made afterwards.
Not checking a whores passport before insertion in Benidorm. Hiding a mates passport throughout the same holiday then forgetting i had hid it until he couldn't find it when at the airport. Spraying a foam fire extinguisher at school. During a uni bbq on southsea common I gave a burger to a housemate but instead of using salad i put grass in it - and part of a stinging nettle. I think I could go on for ages here. But the worst ever stays between me and my mates cousin.
So you really are the Godfather then Not forgetting the THREE YEAR misdemeanour you perpetrated at Uni
I've never really done anything bad on purpose, but I'm a master at doing stupid things by accident. For example, I was once playing tease/fetch with my dog, getting him to try and grab a toy from me before lobbing it for him to chase. I stupidly decided to swing a lump hammer at the toy to fire it across the room. The blindingly obvious happened, and I still feel bad about it. No broken bones, but some noises never leave you. :/
I've never done anything bad intentionally, but have a tendency to inflict injuries on others by accident, including: -Dislocating my sister's elbow when I was 4 -Treading on someone's shoelaces at primary school, causing them to fall headfirst onto the playground (no permanent injuries) -Hitting a wicket keeper in a game of cricket at Scouts in the mouth -Breaking someone's arm in PE in a game of football after (legitimately) tackling them.
I done a poo on a hotel room floor in Morocco when the owner locked me in so I got his taxi. I done a poo on Kelsey Grammer's star on the Hollywood walk of fame (that was accidental!). I did hate Fraser though! I used to lugee in my housemates pasta bake daily at uni as he was a complete waster who failed to pay any bills as he was too 'poor' but not poor enough to get stoned everyday. He got ill and was chucked out of uni for missing too many lectures. My mate lives in Redbourne, not far from an 'alternative' pub called Fudge Bar. He was drunk so I sent him in a taxi to there telling the driver it was his regular haunt. Apparently my mate just got out there and walked in thinking it was his house, Got a bit of a surprise!
Honest I only meant to threaten my sister but the ketchup made the plate slippery .... one broken nose and a whole load of grief later
Got drunk. Slept round my managers house. Wet the bed. Embarrassing to say the least. A week later I got drunk, wet my managers bed again. I quit my job later that day. Like many others, the truly bad stories stay quiet for now.
