Bargain Hunt

Urgh. Dion Dublin, you are such a bore.

It's an unbored Tash, lovely Roo, Squeak, Squeak, Squeak and Shout, Shout, Shout.

Yes, it's Charles Darwin. Next!!!

Is that a style-free Aussie woman wearing a cap.

She's called EEEEEEngeeed.

He picked her up when drivinig a coach.

Blur Bird is a University Lecturer i.e. Higher Education College dogsbody.

Blue Bloke supports Dirty leeds.

Bonjour says Roo who springs up behind a chair like a sexy Zeberdee. Boing. Time for bed.



Carrying things, 4 legs.

It's not good quality Squeaks Danny. Just up your street then.

The Roo Dalek is here to enslave you and exterminate your trousers.



That Aussie monster is already very annoying.

Danny's voice is higher than usual.

Roo doesn't like Anglepoise lamps. @wfcmoog you must love her.

 

Roo not a fan of Anglepoise lamps. A woman after Mrs Moog's heart.

 

'You'll be known in Australia'

Must be the worst haggle ever.

 

I remember the fire grenade

 

Ribbed, for her pleasure.

 

Boy Toys says Roo. Yes we are ready.

Only 70 quid for the Squeak to waste.

Looks like Foghorn and the Dustbin go to the same outfitters.



Matroska Novichok dolls.

Tash looks like First Prize.

Foghorn the Booby Proze.

 

They've really haggled hard to spend too much on a load of ****.

 

Dammit, another chance for Shouty to show off that she knows the full name of WMF

 

Did she Queef it without moving her lips? Her facial ones anyway.

 

Tash: "Danny's here, so you know you're going to get something big and woody."
Steady on, girl!

 

We can watch Bawley do her stuff i.e. shout, read the screen and fail to make profits.

Bingo. First item a loss.

The Putin one glows in the dark.

Shock. An actual profit.

75 POOOUUUNNNDDSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL DONE. Big Loss.

The Liz Truss of the Auctioneering World.

A threesome garniture now with Roo.

Nice profit.

Gets them back to 63.

Lovely Tash tight t1tty top too.



The chair makes a profit. Swoon.

That box -77. LOL. Got what it deserved.

BOOM the profits are destroyed.

Best use it as a glass dildo.

What shiit has the Squeak found.

A cheap brass trivet. 12 notes. His sort of thing. Should make a profit. Tash will give 20 pounds instantly.

It's divine she says. We know how to get round her now.

Dreadful Auctioneering style.

She manages to sell it for 24 notes. That was hard work.

Blues -76. That's a bout right.

Dreadful Auction as expected.

 

Nice bit of french Deco!
Good spot, Roo.
We love her choice of threesomes.

Ha, that box did turn out to be big enough to bury Danny in it, figuratively.

 

Is that a bored Roo? Bored as in ennui, not the other sort.

 

Lovely Double Growler from our lovely wee lassies.

 

Izzie hates dark wood..

 

Danny's big wood climaxed too soon.
It's not the size that matters but how you use it.

 

The rub and sniff method being mentioned on the news. No not some deviant behaviour involving next doors washing line but the testing of hops.

 

I wonder what the most commonly bought thing is on the show. Surprising how often certain things/names come up. WMF , Clarice Cliff, vesta case... any more?

 

Giles Annual. A staple of every 1970s/80s Jumble Sale.

 

Re-up from July 2022 with additions.
BBC approved preamble:
Shrewsbury 12
Series 57
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000rpvn
Natasha Raskin Sharp and experts Roo Irvine and Danny Sebastian go antiques hunting in Shrewsbury in Shropshire, before heading to East Yorkshire for today’s auction. Natasha has a mystery for the fairgoers to solve.

The Translation:
The mean streets of Shrewsbury are fertile ground for interior design crimes brewing at the Antiques and Collectables Tat Bazaar at the West Mid Showground. Pounding the beat are hardboiled Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp with her forensic knowledge of BH law, along with good cop Roo Irvine with her softly, softly approach and terrible cop Dan Dan Helium man, who sounds like he's in a choke hold before accidentally falling down some stairs that he found in a skip. Crimes against fashion are most evident at the the auction in East Yorks with Klaxon-voiced Caroline Hawley sporting the latest garments from the Mandlebrot collection. It looks like she lent one of her hideous jackets to the Squeak for this episode. Red No Profit Warning in skinflinting Yorkshire.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp and her rule book
[Red Team Expert] Delightful Roo Irvine
[Blue Team Expert] Squeak squeak squeak
[Auctioneer] Caroline Anadin Plus Hawley pooouuunnnnddddssss thump
[Auction Location] Beverley, East Yorks
[Miserlin Rating: Approved]

​

The Teams:
[Red Team] Mixed sex partners, he picked her up while coach driving on the continent, she wears a stupid flat cap to hide her Aussie shame
(Challenge: Carrying things)
[Blue Team] Mixed sex partners, she's a University Lecturer at Godknowswhat Higher Education College, he's a kitchen manufacturer who follows Dirty Leeds, Booooooooooooo.
(Challenge: Four legs)

The Shopping:
Reds: WMF tazza cup (75 Challenge) struggle, Matroska Russian leader dolls (18) good, Theatre light and cannibalised stand (150) has interest, but might struggle
Blues: Edwardian sampler/child mahogany chair (45 Challenge) OK, Victorian pitch pine bedding box (142) way overspent, hand of Squeak present, LOL, Victorian blue glass fire grenade (43) might struggle

The Distraction:
Yet another mystery item. A back scratcher for Ryvita the Giantess? No, it's a Malt rake. Ah, of course, how silly of me not to instantly recognise it. Some info about making Malt for brewing. Why Toby jugs? Why not pints of lovely beer. Perhaps the crew have already quaffed them or perhaps Natasha spied them first and opened her throat and poured voluminously in the Scottish way.

​

The Auction:
Reds: WMF tazza cup (loss), Matroska Russian leader dolls (nice profit), Theatre light and cannibalised stand (big loss).
Roo's BB is an Art Deco three-piece garniture (40), 60-80, even Foghorn should get a profit on this, 60. Another good item from Roo.

​

Blues: Edwardian sampler/child mahogany chair (profit), Victorian pitch pine bedding box (big loss), Victorian blue glass fire grenade (loss).
Squeaky's bit of tat, is an Art Nouveau brass trivet (12), 10-20, 24, it squeaks a profit.

​

The Aftermath:
Hawley's Auctions are always terrible, she has no clue about how to work a room and generate a bidding war or squeezing blood out of Yorkshire stone. Throw in a rag bag tag of items and you have a resulting mess. Both Teams make a profit on one of their items and a big loss on their big spends so it's going to come down on how the BBs do. Both make a profit, even The Squeak, with his trivet made out of Fool's Gold, but Roos nice garniture, good things come in threes, makes a bigger profit and so it's victory to the Reds and that loudmouth Aussie monster. Good to see Danny's misdirection coming to the fore with an overpriced piece of wooden tat. You couldn't resist it could you! With a bit of luck he's now sealed inside it languishing at the bottom of a bog. SQUEAK, SQUEAK, gurgle, squeak ........ silence.

​

The Hi-Kick:
Outdoor Covid diagonal on uneven grass. Lovely Synchronised Double Growler Kicks from our lovely lassies. Blues and Squeaky below par, everyone else above par. Yes, YES!!

​

 

I assume they are not one and the same. Now, that would be a real turn up for the books.

 

Dinky Toys, apple crates, terrible sculptures, dentist lamp, scent bottles, hip flasks, garden planters, Art Deco T1tty Totems.

 

love it when a RegReport has a feelgood ending:

With a bit of luck he's now sealed inside it languishing at the bottom of a bog. SQUEAK, SQUEAK, gurgle, squeak ........ silence.

 

God, I hate penalty shoot-outs.

 

More Leg of Lambacy.
BBC approved preamble:
Cornwall 1
S46E04
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b08cb555
Eric Knowles presents from the Royal Cornwall Showground with experts Caroline Hawley and Ben Cooper. Two teams of best friends battle it out to buy three items that will hopefully make a profit at auction, and they all have their sights on a Golden Gavel. The reds are on the hunt for arts and crafts, while the blues uncover weighting scales with a difference. Plus Eric meets Alice Astor, granddaughter of Lady Nancy Astor, the first woman to take her seat in Parliament. They take a look at a unique a collection of photographs which record Lady Astor on the campaign trail in 1919.

The Translation:
It does look like Uncle Eric is stuck in a field with something akin to a flying caravan in a cut-price remake of The Man With The Golden Gun. Naturally Uncle Eric Bond will be the main character with Carloss Wispa as the Chris Lee villain, Profitmangler complete with not 2 but 3 losses, and Foghorn taking on the Britt Ekland role of Lairy Badfright, wearing her Tartan knickers designed by Krotch-Byrne, which Bond tries desperately not to remove. She's definitely the Pussy Godawful of her Day. Rod Stewart would have run a mile. Auctioneer Anthony The Undead Eldred plays Henchman Nackered Nick, who personally sawed off both his legs just so he could get the role. He then promptly put them up for sale in one of his Auctions and got a fiver for them.

​

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Eric Knowles
[Red Team Expert] Caroline Hawley
[Blue Team Expert] Ben Cooper
[Auctioneer] Anthony Eldred
[Auction Location] Eldreds Auctioneers & Valuers, Plymouth
[Miserlin Rating] Two Stars

The Teams:
[Red Team] Paul and Wayne, they're Northerners who worked for an engineering company, excruciating, one of them has written a book about his divorce and internet dating called What Do I Do With The Wedding Photos? Well if it't the wedding night photos then there's plenty of sex shaming that could be had. The other one is called Heap, Uriah Heap.
[Blue Team] Jo and Emma, one is a 44 year old hairdresser who has died her hair red and blue. Sounds grim. Do collars and cuffs match?, even grimmer.

The Shopping:
Reds: Carved mahogany document case, incomplete (10) OK 10-20, Arts and Crafts Henry Loveridge copper chamber stick (35) struggle 10-20, Whitefriars Marriott Powell tumbler glass vase (50) topend 30-50.
Blues: Mouldy Moulded Victorian George Davidson Pearline pressed-glass cream jug (10) OK 5-10, Silver-topped scent bottle (8) OK 5-10, 1950s Baby-weighing scales (35) struggle 10-20.

The Distraction:
Eric meets Alice Astor, granddaughter of Lady Nancy Astor, the first woman to take her seat in Parliament. They take a look at a unique a collection of photographs which record Lady Astor on the campaign trail in 1919.

If Boris Johnson had been an MP then, Tory, Old Etonian, fibbing rotter, that would seem quite likely, then it would even more lightly he would grab the seat of the first sitting, standing, lurking in the broom cupboard female MP. The only compensation is that it would be around the time of The Great War and the only massed debating Johnson would have would be with a German Maxim. As he shot his mouth off his purple periscope might have suffered the same fate.

The Auction:
Reds: Carved mahogany document case, incomplete (8 profit), Arts and Crafts Henry Loveridge copper chamber stick (23 loss), Whitefriars Marriott Powell tumbler glass vase (20 loss).
Foghorn's BB is a Bimingham 1959 silver bangle (10) bargain, 15-20, 28. A decent 18 note profit from something that sounded pretty decent.
Blues: Mouldy Moulded Victorian George Davidson Pearline pressed-glass cream jug (10 profit), Silver-topped scent bottle (4 profit) GG on, 1950s Baby-weighing scales (27 loss) GG definitely off, AGAIN, LOL Tragicooper strikes again.
Carloss BB is a TG Green Cornishware sugar shaker missing its stopper (15), 10-20, 12. LOL, he was so confident it would make a profit. We salute your stupidity!

The Aftermath:
The Royal Cornwall Showground near Wadebridge. Better than an Antiques Cente. The Undead Eldred Auction. Worse than having your insides sucked out through your nose. Jerticho's Reds make a profit on their first item, the incomplete document case and then tumble to a loss with the next 2 items. It's left to Bawley's safe silver comfort zone BB Bangle to make a decent profit and finish them only 17 notes down, actually very reasonable for an Undead Auction, it's usually much worse. Next, it's Carloss with his elusive GG, will he finally break his duck today. They only spend 53 notes on their 3 items. That hardly breaks the bank. It's almost cheating really. A tenner profit on the first item and a small 4 s0d surplus has the GG stick it's head above the parapet. Then comes the 35 quid baby weighing scales, a half-way big spend item. CLANG!! A 27 GBP loss. The GG falls to the floor and bounces down the drain. Before his BB Tragicooper Sniffs the air and says I smell a profit. It tanks LOL. Terrible result in a terrible Auction House. Ha Ha Ha Ha. Useless. However their overall of a loss of 16 gives him the very definition of pyrrhic victory. At an overall total of -33, this beats The Undead Eldred's best ever score of -68. He breaks open a thimble of Pomagne in celebration.

Reds -17
Blues -16

The Hi-Kick:
Use your imagination

 

another less than 2 year old repeat. But its Dizzie. So not really cause for complaint. Plus, Roo presenting, Plaidy (as it seems is usually the case) is the opposition, and Rick Wakeman (who is the other regular opponent to the lucious Dizzie) is wielding the gavel. No squeak, no Bawley. Cant be a bad episode.

 

well this put a smile on my face and wood in my trousers

 

heh.
Eric meets Alice Astor, granddaughter of Lady Nancy Astor, the first woman to take her seat in Parliament. They take a look at a unique a collection of photographs which record Lady Astor on the campaign trail in 1919.
No pix of m'Lady from ww2, then, when she was more or less supporting Adolf, or from the family seat Cliveden in the early 60s, when you were likely to see naked brass by the pool.
("No one wants to polish brass anymore," sighs an innocent BH-er. Umm... that kind of brass 'polished' you.)

 

Roo grinding. Cough.

Married Red Alan Carr clone.

Poppy Daughter and Shawon Mother.

The are trying to be wild and "quirky".

Dizzie as a an extra from Dr Zhivago.

Plaidy is Blur Expert.

Used for storage/associated with entertainment.

Dizzie mentions boxes. So are we going to get excess box probing today.

Blue Mother looks like a Guardian Angel with that red beret.

Blue Daughter is the offspring of the The Khasi of Kalabar.

Fondling the Naked Titz statue which is classed as the entertainment item. Indeed. She's dancing, so that's entertainment. No pole?



Sarky-style dolls ready for the attic collection.

 

More expert phallic item fondling from Roo.

 

Not impressed by any of the buys so far. Or the blues' hats.

 

Rick Wakeman Auction. Losses galore. So immaterial really.

Jeez, that hair!!!

 

One for @TIMMY WANNACOTT

 

Roo loves it personally.