What Made Me Larf Today

Discussion in 'Taylor's Tittle-Tattle - General Banter' started by reg_varney, Mar 16, 2021.

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  1. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

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    Throne.jpg
     
    reg_varney, Jun 3, 2022
    #211
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  2. Filbert

    Filbert Leicester supporting bloke

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    I asked a person trainer if he could teach me to do the splits.

    He said it depends how flexible I am.

    I said I can’t do Tuesdays or Thursdays.
     
    Filbert, Jun 3, 2022
    #212
  3. Filbert

    Filbert Leicester supporting bloke

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    Quasimodo walked into a bar and orders a glass of whiskey.

    ‘Bell’s alright?’ Asks the barman.

    ‘Mind you own ******* business’ says Quasimodo.
     
    Filbert, Jun 3, 2022
    #213
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  4. Filbert

    Filbert Leicester supporting bloke

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    My mate Phillip had to have his lip removed.

    We just call him Phil now.
     
    Filbert, Jun 3, 2022
    #214
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  5. Filbert

    Filbert Leicester supporting bloke

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    I went into Blockbuster and asked to borrow Batman Forever.

    The bloke said ‘No you’ve got to have it back by Friday’
     
    Filbert, Jun 3, 2022
    #215
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  6. Keighley

    Keighley First Team

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    Tim Vine?
     
    Keighley, Jun 3, 2022
    #216
  7. Arakel

    Arakel First Team

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    Blockbuster is dead m8.
     
    Arakel, Jun 3, 2022
    #217
  8. Teide1

    Teide1 Squad Player

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    In my planning for a Jubilee do
    I told my wife we were going to have a film of the queen running
    She say she didn’t know the Queen was into Athletics!
     
    Teide1, Jun 4, 2022
    #218
  9. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

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    reg_varney, Jun 4, 2022
    #219
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  10. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

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    From the B3ta newsletter:
    : FESSHOLE
    Your confessions industrially pulped into 'likes'

    Each week you vomit into a urinal and we sieve for chunks and hold them aloft shouting "is this sh1tty gold?"

    * PARENTING DONE RIGHT - "I've replaced my daughters gerbil 3 times and she's not noticed. Last year as part of a school project she wrote to the Guinness book of records to tell them how old it is."

    * SECOND PUNNING - "I spent a bit of the 90s wondering what a dord was and why the Stone Roses wanted to be one."

    * GOING TO HELL? "When I was 16 my dad sat me down and told me I had an older brother who died of cot death before I was born. They had a little box of his stuff, wrist band and his birth certificate. I nicked the birth cert every weekend to get served in pubs in town. Figured my bro wouldn't mind."

    Join the half a million followers that only understand one German word: schadenfreude.
    http://twitter.com/fesshole
     
    reg_varney, Jun 13, 2022
    #220
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  11. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

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    The other side of YouTube. Not many views, not many subscribers, and it looks like he's been drinking. I'm still not sure about the point he's trying to make but he does have a Dougal the dog on his top shelf.

    Dougal.png

     
    reg_varney, Jun 19, 2022
    #221
  12. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

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    Now this is a rarity. I actually saw this at the Youth Club we were forced to go to during the mid to late 70s. It was one of the few things, when we had a film evening, that didn't bore us all to tears.

     
    reg_varney, Jun 27, 2022
    #222
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  13. Bwood_Horn

    Bwood_Horn Squad Player

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    They did a gig in the evening in the 'Pool just after trashing their "management's" office over their shyte "contracts" - the venom and spite was dripping from Ian Brown's caustic performance of this that night...
     
    Bwood_Horn, Jun 27, 2022
    #223
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  14. BigRossLittleRoss

    BigRossLittleRoss First Team

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    Another Viz classic. Mmmmm Nigerian Cabernet Sauvignon Blanc sounds lovely.

    PHOTO-2022-07-03-12-59-41.jpg
     
    BigRossLittleRoss, Jul 4, 2022
    #224
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  15. Filbert

    Filbert Leicester supporting bloke

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    Very good. Reminds me of this;

     
    Filbert, Jul 5, 2022
    #225
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  16. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

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    reg_varney, Jul 7, 2022
    #226
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  17. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

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    reg_varney, Jul 7, 2022
    #227
  18. Lloyd

    Lloyd Squad Player

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    My all-time favourite joke

     
    Lloyd, Jul 7, 2022
    #228
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  19. Moose

    Moose First Team Captain

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    I don’t know if you were aware, but he was a deeply unpleasant man. Up there with Saville, Harris and Cyril Smith.
     
    Moose, Jul 10, 2022
    #229
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  20. Ybotcoombes

    Ybotcoombes Justworkedouthowtochange

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    what famous actor jumps over trees

    John tree vaulter
     
    Ybotcoombes, Jul 12, 2022
    #230
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  21. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

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    FathersDay.jpg
     
    reg_varney, Jul 17, 2022
    #231
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  22. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

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    Mouse.jpg
     
    reg_varney, Jul 17, 2022
    #232
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  23. Bwood_Horn

    Bwood_Horn Squad Player

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    Lies!!!!!!!!!!! All lies. Marsh gas (methane) doesn't smell of anything much. That's whys the gas to your cooker/boiler has to have a smell added to it.
     
    Bwood_Horn, Jul 18, 2022
    #233
  24. Ghost of Barry Endean

    Ghost of Barry Endean First Team

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    Ghost of Barry Endean, Jul 29, 2022
    #234
  25. Otter

    Otter Gambling industry insider

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    Otter, Aug 3, 2022
    #235
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  26. HappyHornet24

    HappyHornet24 Crapster

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    To be fair, this reminds me of my 15 yr old daughter and her friends :D
     
    HappyHornet24, Aug 3, 2022
    #236
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  27. hornmeister

    hornmeister Tired

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    Rebecca Vardy claiming she has PTSD.
     
    hornmeister, Aug 4, 2022
    #237
  28. Moose

    Moose First Team Captain

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    PTSD usually requires being involved in trauma where there was extreme physical harm or there was a threat or belief of physical harm or death to yourself or another, usually someone close or there was a threat of moral harm, for example being involved in something deeply immoral.

    She’s merely clinically fed-up at having lost.
     
    Moose, Aug 6, 2022
    #238
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  29. hornmeister

    hornmeister Tired

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    Yep sort of manages to stick a finger up at veterans or accident survivers doesn't it.
    If she'd not had too much bottox, she'd be crying into her Louis Vitton hanky.
     
    hornmeister, Aug 6, 2022
    #239
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  30. Lloyd

    Lloyd Squad Player

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    Lloyd, Aug 8, 2022
    #240
  31. Otter

    Otter Gambling industry insider

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    Otter, Aug 8, 2022
    #241
  32. Ghost of Barry Endean

    Ghost of Barry Endean First Team

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    Ghost of Barry Endean, Aug 21, 2022
    #242
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  33. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

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    Bunga.jpg
     
    reg_varney, Aug 21, 2022
    #243
  34. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

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    HenCabin3.jpg
     
    reg_varney, Aug 21, 2022
    #244
  35. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

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    CarHire.jpg
     
    reg_varney, Aug 21, 2022
    #245
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