Bargain Hunt

That bonus buy should fly like **** off a shovel

 

Sign an absolute steal. Usually people massively overpay for signed. Steph's blues bought a bargain.

 

DON'T touch the lamp Blues !

 

£130 ??? Really ????

 

Anglepoise lamp. Mrs moog is seething

 

She ******* hates anglepoise lamps.

 

She's fuming that someone spent 130 for it. Ruined her day.

 

I hate when they do these weird, out of order schedules.

 

Yer, he should have a gavel brush to play/tap.

 

That Centre worker gave them a good tip, as they should do. Most are just cabinet unlocker/phone holders.

 

They can't get enough of industrial tat. Anything involving lighting sells like grease lightning.

If Treepants creams himself over it then you know the hipsters are going to be paying silly money.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Gloucester 8
Bargain Hunt Series 53
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0007m07
The reds and blues are bargain hunting at Gloucester antiques centre with the help of experts Raj Bisram and Stephanie Connell. As usual they have one hour to spend £300 on three items to take to auction. Meanwhile, presenter Eric Knowles meets an Action Man collector to learn more about this much-loved toy.

The Translation:
A trip to the West Country is in order as Uncle Eric, Dr. Evil, and Our Steph, all 3 seems to have been on alot in the last few days, turn up at another nondescript Antiques Centre, this time in Gloucester, famous for cheese also for Derek Payne lookalike, Fred West, the famous house and garden renovator. Auction is with the elder of the Weeks brothers, Timpole Treepants. How long and loose will his fringe be this week.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Uncle Eric Knowles
[Red Team Expert] Raj Dr Evil Bisram
[Blue Team Expert] Stephanie Connell, the Cockermouth Cumbrian, the Auction-world state-educated trailblazer, poster girl for The 93%
[Auctioneer] Tim Beanpole Weeks
[Auction Location] Wessex Auction Rooms, Wilts
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Interior Designer and Property Manager Sisters
(Challenge: Wine)
[Blue Team] Father & Son former and present militia who also collect militaria.
(Challenge: Made of Brass)

The Shopping:
Reds: Penguin cocktail shaker and glasses (30 Challenge) good, WWII Battle of Crete medal (33) might struggle, Edwardian silver topped glass noggin with whisky label (150) ouch.
Blues: Railway sign (75) bargain, RFC brass cap badge (25 Challenge) bargain, Silver cap pill/snuff box and silver Royal Navy sweetheart brooch (50) OK.

The Distraction:
When you hear of gripping hands, eagle eyes and realistic beard. What's the first thought to come into your head, Peter Sutcliffe, Harold Shipman, Brian Blessed???!!!! No, it's Action Man. BH's own Action Man, Uncle Eric, talks all things male discipline dolls with Ronnie 'Drag me through a hedge backwards" expert.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Penguin cocktail shaker and glasses (nice profit), WWII Battle of Crete medal (loss), Edwardian silver topped glass noggin with whisky label (largish loss).
Raj's BB is a 1950's military shovel (25), 20-30, 50. Nice profit Raj, almost dragging his team into an overall profit.



Blues: Railway sign (big profit), RFC brass cap badge (nice profit), Silver cap pill/snuff box and silver Royal Navy sweetheart brooch (decent profit). Golden Gavel obtained with flying colours.
Steph's BB is a an angle-poised lamp LOL (60), REJECTED 50-80, 130. Superb find Steph. The Blue fools miss out on an additional 70 note profit.

​

The Aftermath:
Excellent auction with Teetotal Timpole Treepants. Mixed day for Raj's Reds which ends with a one pound loss. A classic example of panic buying your big spend when time is running out, vastly overpaying for that noggin by not using theirs. Fantastic day for Steph. The foolish Blues, after she helped them to a superb 3-figure profit (119), reject her BB which cleans up with a 70 note profit at the Auction (missed out on a 189 profit), so poor Steph misses out on her own Golden Gavel. Not fair.



The Hi-Kick:
Outside kick on uneven grass. Weird wide lens camera angle, but good kicks in difficult conditions and the Military Blues are a tad tardy, put those men on a charge. Yes, YES!!

​

 

An ancestor of mine invented/brandnamed & manufactured one of the now most sought-after interwar anglepoises. Pritchard knocks 'em out for hundreds of quid a pop these days. If only the family had known...iirc, they let a huge storeroom full of them go for next to nowt when they sold up.

 

Steph was superb today. She even almost got her leg up. Tim bubbling with enthusiasm at the valuation table too. A happy upbeat episode, if a tad lacking in eroticism.

 

Prewar ones in good nick with a good name go for much more.
One of 'ours' here, yours today for half a grand!
https://www.coolingandcooling.co.uk/product/large-walligraph-zonalite-desk-lamp/
Bear in mind they were sold en masse brand new in the mid 1930s for between ten and twenty shillings ie £45-£90 in 2023 terms

 

Coming soon .........

 

BH male voice choir with the posh twit.

Muttley Auction. No chance of profits.

Two frisky ladies. Red is into hot yoga.

The Bugle store holder looks like she could blow those instruments to death.

Blue daughter is embarrassed by step-dad.

Kate aren't you going to play us anything says Charl-eh.

Charleh is heading to the room upstairs to stretch his vocal chords. Later on he'll do some singing.

 

Oooooh. Is Trilly feeling all horny ?

 

"Give us a tune matey. Now.....what rhymes with hunt ?"

 

Red Girl to use her charms to get a price drop.

Lots of blowing today.

Turn the stool upside down so Charl-eh can sit on it.

 

Anything high value will not sell well at Muttley's Misers Mausoleum.

Standby for big losses.

The discount for the scent bottle came far too readily = overpriced.

How can you not enjoy yourselves says the fool.

Muttley calls something old school. LOL.

This is like the Titanic on its way to the iceberg.

Madders BB, that's not buying that's stealing says Muttley.

A PROFIT!!!!!!

And another.

Standby, Dutch Auction Time.

 

Almost a GG at Muttley's place.

Posing vase.

 

Red Bird has a touch of La Cicciolina about her.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Builth Wells 5
Bargain Hunt Series 54
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0008cqb
Charlie Ross joins a male voice choir while bargain hunting in Builth Wells. Meanwhile, experts Richard Madley and Kate Bliss are on hand to help the reds and blues find items that are going for a song.

The Translation:
Today we're at the International Antiques Fair of Wales in Builth Wells and tool fool Charl-eh has imposed himself on a Welsh Male Voice Choir. Charl-eh sings "All through the night" and is reminded of the dodgy curry he had the previous night with the Speciality Mystery Meat Phall Ringstinger giving him a restless time. He's joined by 2 of the more upmarket experts Dikko Madders Madley not Madeley and Shrilly Trilly Tighty Dressy Blissy. They will have to buy sensibly knowing that it's an Auction at Muttley's Misers Mausoleum. Stick to low price items, as generally, the Misers strain to prise open their rusted purses.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Omnifool Charlie The Tool Ross
[Red Team Expert] Kate Shrilly Trilly Bliss,
[Blue Team Expert] Richard D1ckko Madders Madley not Madeley
[Auctioneer] Philip Muttley Serrell avec scarf de tat, pullover de moth et gillet piq*re de puce
[Auction Location] Titus A Ducksarse Auction Tomb, Malvern, Worcester
(Miserlin Rating: One Star)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Peer Mentor Father and Brand Mnager Daughter who is into hot yoga. She has to use her charms for a price drop.
(Challenge: Associated to Wales)
[Blue Team] Step-daughter Carer and step-father support worker
(Challenge: Related to Music)

The Shopping:
Reds: Poole pottery vase (32) OK, Pembrokeshire Welsh stool (40 Challenge)OK, 18th Century Chinese porcelain and metal box (140) ouch immolation time.
Blues: Boxed clockwork toy tractor (48) topend, Pair of battered bugles (18 Challenge) OK, Silver stoppered glass scent bottle (79) burn.

The Distraction:
The great Cliff Morgan. Erstwhile Team Captain on A Question Of Sport too. Charleh sings a few beers while discussing Welsh Male Voice Choirs. Hwyl (pronounced Hoyle) is your Welsh soul, you posh t1t. Charl-eh performs his oral exercises to pictures of Dirk Bogarde, is Charleh more attuned to the Doctor films, all those nurse fillies, or Death In Venice, obsession over a young boy, or a buoy even, the poor daft twit doesn't know if he's coming or going these days. He glances down at his slacks and the unsightly groinal stain and realises that it's the former. The fool will no doubt be joining the Choir invisible in the not too distant future.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Poole pottery vase (profit), Pembrokeshire Welsh stool (decent profit.), 18th Century Chinese porcelain and metal box (big loss).
Madders BB is a set of 18th Century Royal Worcester porcelain (25), 40-60, 70. Great find Madders.



Blues: Boxed clockwork toy tractor (2 pound profit), Pair of battered bugles (2 pound profit), Silver stoppered glass scent bottle (small loss).
Trilly's BB is a Blushed Ivory Royal Worcester porcelain posy vase (60), 30-50, 60, breaks even. Not one of your more inspired buys Trills.



The Aftermath:
Not the usual Muttley Disaster Auction. There was a bearded bloke in the audience bidding on almost everything. 12 pound loss for the Reds. The disaster that was the porcelain and metal box thing was redeemed by Madders BB. 5 pound loss for the Blues and a gnat's chuff away from a Muttley Auction Golden Gavel with a small loss on the scent bottle scuppering that. 2 small losses at Muttley's Place, almost unheard of.



The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor kick. Everyone more or less hits par but special mention to Red Bird who fuels our fantasies with a superb head shot growler. All that hot yoga is paying off. Yes, YES!! Cough, splutter.

​

 

What a wonderful song at the start by the male voice choir. Really inspirational.

If only they'd have had that song at Rorke's Drift, they'd have sent those Zulus scarpering in half the time.

"Come on Private Hook lad, sing! THERE ARE REDS AND THERE ARE BLUES! MONEY THEY DONT WANT TO LOSE!"....

 

Ha!
Earlier, with glasses on, there was a mix of Claire Grogan meets Heather Graham via Tessa Niles.

 

I had to look up what 'hot yoga' was.
I am now sweating too, and thinking of opening my chakra into a kleenex.

Does one take instruction in 'hot yoga' from a 'hot yogi'?
I remember one sweaty slimebag who would have been keen to help blonde Redbird reach enlightenment...



"I had that Prudence Farrow in the back of my Rolls once, guv...mind, I don't go south of the river Ganges this time of night. Hare Krishna."

 

By the way, does anybody know what a "peer mentor" is? Red bloke claimed that was his job. Although it also could have been "pier mentor" maybe.

I was glad the blues won today because one of them was a carer and the father was cheery and looked a lot like a Welsh fella from the International Marxist Group who I used to know.

 

blast from the past!
=the International Marxist Group
iirc my dad was in that for about ten minutes in 1968, because he had been pally with Tariq Ali at Oxford.
Whatever happened to them? Didn't some end up in Militant?
Used to love following all the toings and froings on the proper Left. It was like a permanent transfer window. Or a very good ongoing episode of Rock Family Trees.

 

Ha.
Marvellously vague/bullsh*tty job title. After all, it could be argued Reg is 'mentoring' his peers on here in our cultural education, for example; not being paid though, is he...

 

Christina, Roo, Hanson and Muttley on today. What's not to like! Will the shared BH green coat be on display? Hot sunny Southall. Probably not.

 

These self-agrandisement monikers for the frustrated middle manager. Head squashed against the glass ceiling while the junior wannabees try to scramble over you in pursuit of the golden key to the senior management executive toilets.

 

Christina jiggling.

2 non-BAME mixed married couples, outrage.

Roo Roo is 42, Parlez-vous, Roo Roo is 42, Parlez-vous.

Railway accessories rescued from the bin.

Blue bloke molesting the figurine.

Red bloke called out Muttley and his prevalence for wooden tat.

Roo the drinks trolley dolly.

Blue bird is related to Churchill. She's got his face. Just needs the cigar.

 

Roo gets another 5 quid discount. Wonder if it was a male dealer.

More dirty laughing from Christina.

Christina, Doms, games, pegging, cold shower.

You can't beat Shreddies Aristocats cardboard dominoes.

"Time for Les to give me a lesson in this ancient game"

"Time to peg yourself", he says.

 

I'm sure I've seen the red couple before when I've done an Antiques Fair somewhere in the Midlands.