Bargain Hunt

Impressive salute from Raj today, one of the best ones.



And Audience reply.

 

Useless Kant Stanley Johnson spotted in today's Audience. Trilly without makeup has a quiet doze 2 rows behind. Meanwhile Bloke at the back mines some green nasal gold. Is he a flicker or a swallower?

 

I'm not going there....

 

Got four or five 40 year old bottles of home made pea-pod wine in the garage. Made after watching an episode of "the good life" with the lovely Felicity Kendal. Well, I didn't actually watch it with her, she was in it. But I guess you guessed that already.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Detling 2
Series 68
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001ybjb
Charlie Ross and the teams are in Detling, Kent, where experts Stephanie Connell and John Cameron help them to find antiques which they hope will make a profit at auction. Presenter Charlie Ross learns about small personal tokens donated by parents of children left in the care of the Foundling Hospital in London back in the 18th century. The institution went on to look after 25,000 abandoned children over the next two centuries. The two teams have plenty of stalls to browse at an antiques fair in Detling, Kent. In red are darts players and friends Brad and Max, and in blue are married couple Mhari and Joe. Their experts are Stephanie Connell and John Cameron. Joe’s a big fan of boxes, so his eyes light up when Mhari spots a small silver one with Mary and Joseph on the lid. And could a Winstanley pottery cat be the 'purrfect' buy? Meanwhile, Max picks up a vintage-looking sign, but keen-eyed Steph identifies it as a more recent reproduction. There’s all to play for at the auction in nearby Cranbrook, with auctioneer Raj Bisram on the rostrum.

The Translation:
The shouting idiot mugs to the camera this time at an agreeable Antiques fair in Detling, Kent. Very nice it is too. Sighing it large, shrugging their shoulders and shaking their heads at the idiot this time are Our Lovely Steph and Bingo Boy Cameron. After they've shunted around 2 teams in the style of one man and his dog, or the more modern reboot, one pimp and his bitch, it'll be off to Dr Evil's lair in the false volcanic region of Detling in Kent where the winners will be awarded nubile female prisoners to play with and do as they please, while the losers will have to take the risky walk over the hungry piranha tank.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Charl-eh Ross, the gurning omnifool
[Red Team Expert] Stephanie Connell, the Cockermouth Cumbrian, Our Steph
[Blue Team Expert] John Bingo Marine Boy Cameron
[Auctioneer] Raj Dr Evil Bisram
[Auction Location] Bentley's Auction Rooms, Cranbrook
[Miserlin Rating] Unlisted

​

The Teams:
[Red Team] Darts players and friends, Train conductor Brad and Fire Prevention Officer Max. Ugh, quirky is mentioned.
(Challenge: Connection to food and drink)
[Blue Team] Married couple, Sales & Marketing director Mhari and Nurse Joe
(Challenge: Connection to horses)

The Shopping:
Reds: Small harvest barrel (27 Challenge) got a chance, Mid-18th century Are Souls College unopened wine bottle (140) could well do it, Large orange designer chair (118) who knows.
Blues: Novelty French Horseshoe clock (99) ouch ooofff, Repro GWR cast-iron toilet roll holder (15) a chance, Boxed set of 6 Victorian silver buttons (49) they will make a profit.

The Distraction:
Presenter Charlie Ross learns about small personal tokens donated by parents of children left in the care of the Foundling Hospital in London back in the 18th century. The institution went on to look after 25,000 abandoned children over the next two centuries. The Fool rambles on about abandoned children and how to achieve this aim. One way he recalls is to live in Australia, drive off to the outback, attempt to shoot them and then turn the gun on yourself, leaving the female teenage nubile to run around naked and the young boy with enough memories to keep him locked in his bedroom with amble toilet roll for weeks. Isn't this Walkabout asks The Fool? Are there any films where actress Jenny Agutter doesn't disrobe? No, cries the Audience. Barely, shouts out the comedian at the back.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Small harvest barrel (28 profit), Mid-18th century Are Souls College unopened wine bottle (10 loss), Large orange designer chair (48 loss).
Steph's BB are 3 19th century-style copper/brass toddy heaters (15), 20-40 profit there, 35. Lovely profit. Up to your usual BB standard Steph.

​

Blues: Novelty French Horseshoe clock (49 loss), Repro GWR cast-iron toilet roll holder (15), Boxed set of 6 Victorian silver buttons (49).
Bingo's BB is a Novelty Godin Chauffette stove inkwell advertising ware (40), 30-50, 30. Unlucky to make a loss on that.

​

The Aftermath:
An Antiques Fair at the crack of dawn by the look of it. Long shadows and everyone looking cold. The Fool pratting around and mugging to the camera as always. 2 decent experts, Bingo and Staph. Dr Evil on gavelling duties. A decentish Auction. Lovely Steph had 2 dolts to try and manage. They wanted someone to have fun with. Cough. 2 risky items bought among their stash. The first item was the barrel which made a good profit after a decent discount. Now the 2 risks. It was looking grim with the initial Dutch Auction on the bottle of wine, but as soon as the old online duffers woke up they bidding grew and in the end just just fell short with a small loss. Close but no cigar. The second risky item, the designer chair, stalled earlier and made a bigger loss. Oh dear. This shows what happens when you don't listen to your expert about Delft porcelain. 285 spent so Steph only got 15 notes to play with. I wish I was those 15 notes. Ahem. She got 3 Copper/Brass toddy heaters spending all the money, yes that whole vast sum. As expected, a nice tidy profit ensued from the nice tidy expert. She really is good with the BBs is Steph. They end a tenner down. Not too bad considering the 2 big gambles. Bingo back to his Bingo-style jacket for the Auction after his earlier fashion failure. The big spend horseshoe clock didn't bring them luck with a large loss and the pun-tastic toilet roll holder, I don't want to get bogged down in this, and this is a real roll, among the quips. Raj says something like ***k up to 32. It wipes 17 notes from their overall loss. Finally, the buttons ping off into the distance with a 61 GBP profit. Bingo for Bingo. His BB of a rather nifty novelty miniature stove inkwell is unlucky to lose a tenner. They finish 19 quid up. Enjoyable episode.

​

The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor kick in an echoey room. The Fool up early and high but is actually beaten by Blue Bird with an excellent high Growler kick. Everyone else is a tad late with their kicks. Bingo tries to hold it up for an age. Ir must be his age. Yes, YES!!

​

 

Bathing in the wine must before fermenting? Those extra flavours would command a hefty price among 70s aficionados.

 

indeed!
india, home of the swastika, was/is a hotbed of adolf fans, of course.

 

Drew Pritchard ageing fast at the front there...

 

Well he did have his hands thrust deep into his trouser pockets while engaging with the female of the species engagement manageress during The Distraction. Red hankie obviously has more absorbing and mopping power afterwards.

 

Tash and her lovely smile, Muttley, delightful Roo, and the Dalek. Wrexham awaits.



Covid Recovery Special.

Retired married Bankers are the Reds. Zzzzzzzz.

Married Book Sellers. Double Zzzzzzzzzzzz

2 sets of boring contestants.

Muttley and Roo to save it.

Roo wearing with tea cosy and leg warmers to match

During the reign of Male 20th Century monarch/ During the reign of Female 19th Century monarch

Blue bore doesn't collect tools, he is one.

Roo's parents from Amritsar, so she's a Sikh girl.

Poor girl looks frozen.

She must suffer in Scotland in more ways than one.

Put a lump of old copper together. Great stuff Muttley.

Lembit Opik Red Bloke.



Quirky Butter Churn. Noooooooooo. AVOID!!!!!!!

It's Elizabethan says Phil. The second. LOL.

They buy the churn.

Now Lembit finds a Coronation Mug. Jesus some poor items today.

Red trousered centre manager being reasonable with the discounts.

And you'll know whether you've got a whopper or not. Well Roo, it just so happens ......

Will Roo take the bait? Hey, Roo, look at my whopper.

BTW me dear Carp and chips would not be good.

Muttley questions over a spade.

99 quid for a vintage dust gathering fish weighing scales. Jeez.

Some total shiiit items today.

Nice manager again.

 

Blue bloke really annoying

 

Reds have a Job lot of pans, George VI coro nationmug, and a garden spade. Is this the worst set of items ever?

19th Century travel book and maps, Butter Churn, Fish weighing scales. 2 disaster items and the book is cheap so should be OK.

This is going to be a car crash.

Tash at St Giles Parish Church in Wrexham.

Rev James Brie, let's hope he doesn't cheese us off.

Cam and bare it with us.

Naked arses on the wall of the church. No not today's teams.

700 year old chalice looks flawless.

King James Bible. Great condition too.

Dalek valuation time.

Plunger up over the copper pans. Price though make it go down.

Boring coronation mug. No guide price. LOL. EXTERMINATE!!!!!!

Plunger up over the spade, Genuinely excited.

Plunger down over the book. The price raises it.

Awful butter churn. EXTERMINATE!!!!!! DQd



Tash is brutal.

Fish Scales EXTERMINATE!!!!!!

 

Both teams are to be fair.

 

A novel description of Jesus on the cross there.

 

Disqualification

 

Pans make a loss. It went down the pan. Red card for the bad joke.

Mug breaks even.

Proit on the spade.

Muttley BB is a Candle stand. Brown furniture alert. Depends on price. 20 notes. Should be OK.

Dalek plunger very much up.

10 note profit.

Yorks overall profit of 100 pence.

She announces the DQ with real relish.

Blues down -120 already.

Book makes an 18 profit. The loss remains undented.

The churn still makes 100 notes. Ridiculous really.

Big 64 loss on the scales.

Roo's BB is a 9ct gold and diamond cluster ring. 50 notes.

A cluster in a ring. Snigger. Boo we don't get to see Roo extensively finger and fondle it.

It makes a tenner. Nice work.

Overall though they lose 156. Yes, they were and are really bad, as in bad not good.

 

Tash loved doing it.

 

Amazing that the royal mug is so cheap.
A brand new plain china mug must cost that?

Redbird looks like ghastly Woman's Hour bint Emma Barnett

 

'Go hard or go home,' says Tash.
(As opposed to her lucky husband, who prefers to 'go home and go hard'.)

Blues were a bit twatty. Poor Roo.

 

Her parents ran brothels in Manchester. Nice to know her Private education was funded on the misery of sex trafficking. Delightful sounding family. I know, Sins of the father etc, but still.

 

Tash excels on the kick with a fabulous high Growler special.

 

We nattered in Aug last year:

Reg:
Two married teams who do the same profession. The excitement never ends.

Noooooooooooooooo. Avoid the butter churn.

Muttley in a sarcastic mood.

Roo coming out with the angling terms. Very good me dear.

The Reds have the most boring items every seen on this programme:

3 copper pans, George VI coronation mug, Hand-forged garden spade.

Something boring bankers would buy.

Butter churn and fish weighing scales and a book falling to bits for the Blues.

Dear oh dear.



Tash strikes again.

Utensils go down the pan. Arf.

Muttley's Brown furniture BB.

Well the DQ has skewed everything.

Looks like Muttley's Stool shrink in the wash.



Hande Hoch!!! The Dalek gives up.



Phone Man shows off the Tiffany Lamp but ends up sending them that Coronation Mug tat.

 

Re-up from last Aug with additions:
BBC approved preamble:
Wrexham 15
Series 59
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000zp9t
Natasha Raskin Sharp and experts Roo Irvine and Philip Serrell search for antiques in Wrexham before heading to Lichfield for today’s auction. Away from the hunt, Natasha discovers the history of St Giles Church.

The Translation:
The date and location mean that this is a Return from Lockdown Social Distancing Special in one of the virtually deserted Covid Apocalypse Auction Centres with the Experts and contestants blinking and shielding their eyes as they all emerge from their darkened bunkers with their Ben Gunn hairstyles and a longing for deli-counter cheese. Muttley appears wearing his usual getup and compares favourably to the others with their marooned shipwrecked sartorial elegance, followed by delightful lovely Roo who still looks fine whatever her length of hair. D1ck1e Dalek isn't taking any chances and is still in his Skaro Bunker. No Tash Tight Titty Top Today then. Some of these Series episodes have been real classics. Is Today's one of them? Fingers crossed again.

​

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp, Glasgow Southside enforcer
[Red Team Expert] Philip Muttley Serrell avec scarf de tat et pull-over de moth
[Blue Team Expert] Delightful Roo Irvine, full of Eastern Promise
[Auctioneer] Richard Dalek Winterton, the hirsute hammerer.
[Auction Location] Skaro aka Lichfield
[Miserlin Rating] Unlisted

The Teams:
[Red Team] Married retired bankers. Zzzzzzzzzzz.
(Challenge: Something made in the reign of a male 20th century monach)
[Blue Team] Married book sellers. Zzzzzzzzzzzz.
(Challenge: Something made in the reign of a female 19th century monach)

The Shopping:
Reds: 3 copper pans (75) might struggle, George VI coronation mug (4 Challenge) no guide price LOL but OK, Hand-forged garden spade (9) good job, brilliant.
Blues: 200 year old travel book and map (7) good, Antique butter churn (120 Challenge) DQ (Red card), Boxed fish weighing scales (99) ouch oooff, not a chance says the Dalek.

The Distraction:
Away from the hunt, Strict Natasha discovers the history of St Giles Church. She hopes it's like Buckfast Abbey and produces it's own special falling over water. She isn't disappointed as she discovers St Giles Gin, for Saints and Sinners. She takes her first couple of swigs, it has a kick like a mule, so smooth she sighs. She's now got the munchies, so goes hunting for some snacks and finds some communion wafers and a box of Swoop which the verger puts out for the Starlings. Later on we here singing, is it evensong, no it's far too lewd and bawdy for that. It's Tash collapsed on a pew singing "Four and twenty virgins. Came down from Inverness And when the ball was over. There were four and twenty less." Hic. Repeat until dawn.

​

The Auction:
Reds: 3 copper pans (largish loss), George VI coronation mug (evens stevens), Hand-forged garden spade (good profit).
Muttley's BB is a Small wooden candlestand (20), 20-30, 30. It makes a decent profit. Well done Muttley.

​

Blues: 200 year old travel book and map (nice profit), Antique butter churn (DQ -120), Boxed fish weighing scales (large loss)
Roo's BB is a Boxed 9ct gold and diamond ring (50), 40-60, 60. Makes a nice profit. Good work Roo.

​

The Aftermath:
Something special happens in one of these immediate post-Covid Wrexham shows, bit it wasn't this one. The incredibly dull pair of retired banker Red team picked 3 of the most boring items every seen on the programme. 3 copper pans which made a loss, a cheap, mass produced George VI coronation mug which wiped its face and a garden spade that made a decent profit. Minimum purchase for a big spend item 75, +4, and a +9. 88 notes spent. Typical tightarse banking behaviour. It's a competition you chumps not a thrift show. Phil went down the brown furniture route for his BB which made a tenner. Overall profit, 100 pence. Tash hands over the coin attached on a piece of elastic. Next was Roo's Blues, a pair of married book sellers. A profession where you could retire and nobody would notice. Luckily, an old book and map, falling to bits, excited the Blue Bloke and he said it was a guaranteed profit at 7 notes, it was. Then they fell into the butter churn trap which had a real sting in it's tail. It failed it's Challenge, Strict Natasha branding the Red card yet again will real glee, she really would make a formidable Dominatrix, is this whip genuinely from Scotland, wrong, thwackk, so that's an instant 120 GBP loss. Gulp. They finished with a pair of fish scales (the weighing sort not from the fish themselves) which were not going to make what they paid for them. They didn't. Roo clawed back a tenner with her BB but they were doomed as soon as the Red card appeared and they sank with a large 156 note loss. Ooooffff. Swings and roundabouts eh Roo, who looked frozen this episode. Yet another Strictly Red card episode.

​

The Hi-Kick:
Outdoor Covid diagonal on uneven grass. Not the best camera angle. Everyone including Muttley hits par. A Strict Natasha Growling head kick and Roo being too close to the camera to only give us a sneaky taste of what might have been. Yes, YES!!

​

 

Nowadays she arrogantly refuses to discuss the topic, and the lacunae left by her previous brief 'explanations'.
Not something she would put up with from a guest on her next job - the Today programme.

 

As an aside the lovely Roo is on Richard Osmans House of Games this week , 6pm daily BBC2

 

On a similar tip, a rather young Princess C - with long hair - is on a Really Roadtrip doublebill now, with a cleanshaven Laidlaw.
August 2015!
When Brexit, Covid and Liz Truss were all unknown, and L*t*n Town were in the fourth division.
So much for the Whig vision of history...

 

More BH Legacy Imaginations with Blind Pew or as Christina is involved, Blind Phew:
BBC approved preamble:
Oswestry 6
S46E08
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b08dyd5c
The teams shop for bargains at the Oswestry Showground in Shropshire, before heading to a very exciting auction in Whitchurch. Anita Manning presents with John Cameron and Thomas Plant on hand to help and Christina Trevanion as their able auctioneer. But with successes all round, which team will win?

The Translation:
Trumpets are blown in triumph, it's McWitch presenting and we're unable to view her diabolical apparition or hear her diabolical false laughing, Her-her-her-her. It's at the Oswestry Showground which we've seen many times before with Bingo and Tubby providing the support. Black Armbands are to be worn as this is an edition where we won't be able to see Lady Gorgeous banging the wood and giving the come and get me eyes during the come and get me estimates during the valuations. She is quoted in the bumph as their able auctioneer. Indeed, very able, very enabling.

WTF is this all about? This is the only pic associated with this episode.

​

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Anita Manning
[Red Team Expert] John Cameron
[Blue Team Expert] Thomas Forrester
[Auctioneer] Christina Trevanion
[Auction Location] Trevanion Auctioneers & Valuers, Whitchurch, Shropshire
[Miserlin Rating] Unlisted

The Teams:
[Red Team] Friends Actor Simon and Courier John. they met on a TV cooking show. What sort of friends are they? I have my suspicions. The Act-or ir related to Colonel Blood who tried to steal the crown jewels when they were held in that basic iron cage. Distract the guard with a lady of the night and some cash, get the file and saw out and then Robert Is Your Uncle.
[Blue Team] Friends Kelly and Elisa who work together in a primary school. Elisa's the boss. Well we know who'll be getting the blame when things go t1ts up, with Christina presiding, now there's a thought to conjure up interesting images.

The Shopping:
Reds: Large glass paperweight (4) 20-30 blimey a good buy, Novelty macabre nutcracker (65) 40-60 great buy, 1920 14ct gold and enamel Ladies watch (180) 80-120 ouch. Total spend 249.
Blues: Student telescope with box (65) 40-60 OK, Art Deco feather folding glasses (15) 15-20 I think they're fantastic brilliant, 1920s Bugatti car brooch (165) 50-70 I hope I'm wrong. I just swoon when I see this. It just is so beautiful, isn't it? Yes you are. Total spend 245.

The Distraction:
No pics or blurp on website so will have to glean from subtitle file. Somebody called Paul from the Ironbridge Gorge Museum. Tile making. Something quite interesting but in the hands of McWitch it's akin to a slow interrogation by the Stasi. If you don't tell me who your contacts are then I'll continue to slur my way through this never ending list of conditions and terms of your internment which could easy turn into your interment. Her-her-her-her-her.

The Auction:
Reds: Large glass paperweight (31 profit), Novelty macabre nutcracker (5 profit) GG on?, 1920 14ct gold and enamel Ladies watch (20 profit) Bingo for Bingo and a GG big prize.
Bingo's BB is a Jorgen Jensen, son of Georg, marine chain and stylised anchor pewter necklace (20), the Princess speaks, "I love it. I love the fact that it's in pewter, it's not in any particular precious metal. It was designing for design's sake.". So we all now know how to impress the Steamstress, 40-60, Gosh, that is a very good buy, 140. A 120 profit, what a sight we can only imagine, the Empress of gorgeousness gushing like a geyser and Bingo with a massive beaming smile on his face.
Blues: Student telescope with box (35 loss), Art Deco feather folding glasses (10 profit), 1920s Bugatti car brooch (165 bought 420 sold 255 profit) Faaarrrk!!!.
Tubby's BB is a Jon Ronson Art Deco Bakelite-effect finish cigarette case and lighter in the form of a radiator grill from a car, he certainly knows how to charm the pants off the ladies (20), that's not bad at all 20-30, 45 online bidder. Another 25 notes of profit. Amazing. I thought Bingo's overall effort was good but this is just incredible.

The Aftermath:
We can only imagine Christina doing the valuations but howfabulous they are. Playful flirtiness with an ample sprinkling of Dirty Laughing. I like to imagine myself as McWarlock giving the Princess my extremely long ....... drawn out sentences, and some exquisite tongue twisters and ending in a climax of false laughing disguised as a Wizardly Cardiac Arrest. My death throes being a good way of having my robes loosened, my chest aggressively massaged and been given a frantic kiss of life. What a way to go. Well that's the end of that character, he served a very useful purpose. A whole apace filling paragraph of drivel. Meanwhile, lets comment on what seemed to be happening at the Auction.

It must be the Christina effect. Apart fom the naff sounding telescope, everything else made a profit, including 2 profits on what these days would be classed as Big Spend, or in these cases, Very Big Spend items at 180 and 165 respectively. Huge profits. Bingo's Red Team get off to a cracking start making 31 GBP on the 4 note paperweight, they then scrape a fiver on the weird nutcracker before an internet bidder comes in for the Ladies watch at 200, blowing away the competition for a 20 note profit and a Golden Gavel. Superb work John but the best was yet to come. A lovely Son of Jensen pewter necklace bought for 20 goes for a whopping 140 notes, a profit of 120 quid. A 176 GBP overall profit. Stunning. How on earth can can this be topped? Yet it is, and by Tubby Thomas of all people. It all started as mediocre as one of his usual appearances with a loss on a duff, boring telescope. Here we go again we thought. Another p1ss weak Tubby performance. No, not this time. A tenner made on some stylish folding glasses, then the mother of all profits on his Bugatti car brooch, 165 bought, 420 sold 255 profit. There was then time to get 25 more sods on his cigarette case and lighter and end on a Tubby shirt-busting 255 GBP profit. The Awards rain down like Manna from heaven. Biggest ever overall profit and biggest ever BB profit for Bingo. Biggest ever overall profit for Tubby. 3rd Biggest ever combined profit and Biggest ever combined profit for Christina as an Auctioneer. Gulp. An amazing episode. Such a shame we couldn't see it.

Reds +176 and a Golden Gavel; Biggest Ever Overall Profit and BB Profit for Bingo.
Blues +255; Biggest Ever Overall Profit for Tubby.

3rd Biggest Combined Profit Ever (431)
Biggest Combined Profit for Christina as Auctioneer (431)

The Hi-Kick:
I can imagine everyone kicking their legs off after today's performances.

Now that weird picture of McWitch, The Fairy Queen and the Golf Cart makes sense. They've all died from being over ecstatic and entered the BH Twilight Zone, where there just happens to be a Links course. Tubby Thomas looses his ball at the first hole. Yes, YES!!

 

!! !

"An amazing episode. Such a shame we couldn't see it."

indeed

 

Is that the one when Laidlow calls her a flirt, she dirtily laughs, shows some leg, and then skillfully manipulates the gear stick into the upper reaches?

 

There's another later episode when the first antique shop she enters the male owner comes out and clumsily kisses her and she says, "Ooooo kisses!!" and responds in kind to be kind. Or have I just imagined everything? The bloke must have been duly overcome with lust.

Ah, found it. Said scene is about 3 mins in, but you really should be watching the lot.

 

Keepers Shilton and Schmeichel go on a trip with Laidlow and Sarky. Could be a hoot.

 

I must stop drinking the peapod wine and eating those wild mushrooms I found before I read this thread. I'm sure I just saw a pic of a fairy (not sarky) McWitch and a golf cart.

 

@OldTraff78 @TIMMY WANNACOTT @wfcmoog Prepare the ice bath as it's another one of those sizzling Christina in Leominster episodes. Will she and the Wokesfuhrer be re-enacting a scene from BH's Salon Kitty during the valuations in the Chippenham Gymnasium for some some routines on the Rings.

This is definitely not an episode to miss!!!!

 

vg!

It may only be 12 degrees outside but this room just got hot.

 

With comic relief provided by JP Pratt.