Bargain Hunt

Some real stingy stallholders today. Must have filmed this early in the day so no desperate deals from people who didn't fancy loading all their tat back into the van.

 

Always reckoned Bingo and Plaidy look like they could turn nasty in a pub car park if required.

 

Danny proves he can generate a reflection.

Some surprise at this elsewhere in the voodoo-style/zombie community

 

Reds both enjoy the haram signs.

 

Blues are a couple of enthusiastic lads.

 

Blues are lamp tat tastic.

Squeaky Hendrix Experience in the Valuation Room.

Urgh, Mustard Gas Outfit worn or should I say warn by Bawley.

She's not going to get 120 notes out of her usual skinflints.

She doesn't love it as much as he loves it.

Signal 2 tootpaste squeeze Dizzie.

Bawley spins the gavel in order to wake her audience up.

Zieg!!!!



Shiiitty filing cabinet from Dizzie. Throw it straight in the skip.

Reds end 29 down.

 

Danny is particularly squeaky today. Neighbour's dogs are going crazy.

 

oh, it is the 'izzy ice cream skirt' one!
Bless her sweetness.
Couldnt you just lick that?
And stick a solid flake in it?

Hawley likes the comic gin signs.
Bet her poor husband often thinks 'beer made me do it'

 

Shaking your head the wrong way.

Just needed someone to buy a piece of WMF as a bonus buy and I've got Hawley bingo!

 

Yummy!

 

Undead in the room with Caroline. Even her bellowing doesn't rouse them to bid.

 

yes please

 

What a happy looking Audience.

 

I'm confused, is that actually a jukebox? How would it work?

 

Shiitty lamp makes a loss for the Blues.

How low can we go she bawls. Wipes face. Neither shiiitty lamp makes a profit.

Silver cigar cutter. Nice.

Mantique ....... eerrr or womantique she quickly corrects.

Profit.

Bingo's Blues end on 70.

You can't use the same pun twice you squeaking idiot.

Bawley has managed to kill off most of her Audience with her shouting and that outfit. That bloke at the back is trying to stop his head from exploding.

 

Screenshot of the chinstrokers during the projector lamp bidding please Reg!

 

Literally trying to sell stuff to a demented room of care patients.

 

they just heard Danny is presenting.

Woke self-correction from Foghorn there: 'er...or womantique...'

 

Hawley careful to offer gender equality in both 'mantique/womantique' and 'mancave/womancave' very woke Hawley.

 

NSBHP will be pleased as colonisers beat the colonised...

 

ha, snap, moog: Woke-Detector Generals R us

 

as we all know, only one 'woman' in britain would need a cigar item...

 

Hande hock. I give up she says. If only.

 

She looks like she is conducting an orchestra.

(Presumably performing the Nutcracker Suite?)
(Or Mahler's 6th.)

 

Bloke on the right too tight to pay for sleeves on his jacket.

 

I'm sure we'd see Dizzie fiddling in the background (or foreground) if she was.

 

The third grab gives a better angle. It's a proper miniature jukebox with enough room to spin vinyl singles. It looks great.

https://www.hawleys.info/catalogue/...fdbb561c593635/antique-and-fine-art-lot-815a/

Looks like the one from the programme.

Etsy has them too:

https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/795...54a409d411%3A795660243&organic_search_click=1

 

subtitles man playing mind games with me....


(must add an an aside, about time there was another Dizzie episode on! Havent had enough lately.)

I may just go and have another Dizzie episode myself.

 

Some women love a cigar.

 

They are.

 

Here she is conducting 'Also sprach Zarathustra' for Stannah Stare-Lufts 2001: My losses have reached this Oddity

 

We've talked about this twice before, so let's make it thrice now ........

From Nov 2022:

Reg:
Arrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh nnnnnnnoooooooooooooooooooo. The Squeak is tomorrow's presenter. Arrrrrrgggggghhhh. Auction at Beverley Racecourse, Hawley Pouuuunnnnds THUMP too.

Eeeek eeek eeeeeeeeeeeekkkkk.



OT78:
Really looking forward to tomorrow.
Memorable awfulness looms.

Reg:
I'm being double-jabbed tomorrow around midday so I might be late reporting.

The awfulness will know no bounds but should still be good.

OT78:
"I'm being double-jabbed tomorrow," says Reg.

And yet one might've hoped that all those sinew-stiffening years of watching both BH and Watford would've already rendered anyone immune to all bar ebola and the plague.

Reg:
Re-wired in a sympathetic way. LOL

It's pounds you nonce not pound.

OT78:
Roo does that too. So annoying.

Reg:
But she should be and is instantly forgiven for ticking so many other photogenic boxes.

OT78:
Danny's shrieky squawky voice today...jeez...sounds like a murder of crows, being murdered.
And then being interspersed with Foghorn's flesh-shredding tones...
This episode is truly living down to expectations.
Should've been shown on Halloween.

Mind you, nice vase. And I'd have bought that jukebox.

Moog:
Squeaky doing a fair job as presenter IMO. FogHawley to ruin it all now.

OT78:
'Pound' instead of 'pounds'.
'You was' instead of 'you were'.
And no trademark voodoo hat?!
D minus.

Moog:
Much better than corpse Hawley when she steps up

OT78:
True. She's more wooden than anything she auctions.

Reg:
POOOOUUDDSSSSS!!!!! THUMP

OT78:
ha. the jukebox jury says 'hit'

Reg:
Squeaki Hendross Experience

Moog:
Gindependent woman lol! Wot am I like xx

Hawley's auction aphawllling

Natash would have disqualified both of those challenges buys I reckon

Guy:
Hawley is just horrendous

OT78:
Enjoyed that. Shouted at the screen a lot, and viewing partner fled room after declaring 'no more Danny, ffs', so I got to eat her dessert.

haha, yes, you could almost hear the producer bellowing into her earpiece:

Hawley calls it "a MAN-tique", a huge faux-pas on the diversely twitchy BBC and she has to backtrack to add "or WOMAN-tique, depending on who wants to smoke cigars". An urgent future diversity course is instantly pre-booked for her.

of course, her mentioning cigar-sucking wimmin instantly brought Therese Coffey to mind, at which point i queasily started regretting that second dessert

Reg:
Wretch/reach for the sickbag.



OT78:
The world's first walrus-to-female trans-species transformation, courtesy of a Tavistock Clinic sidehustle?
Love the detail of the splash mark down her front.
Wine? Drool? Third party sexual secretion?
Jeez, I feel lunch resurfacing...

 

And now from July last year ........

Reg:
The Squeak will be revealing all later. Please God NO.

Eeeeeekkkkk, eeeeeekkkk, eeeekkkkkk.

Fing fink pound.

Ow about stuff with the Queen on it.

Not the sharpest of teams.

85 down to 65 just like that. Hmmmm.

Marble? That's not bloody marble you numpties.

Could be a Kock and Ballsie Auction Room repeat special.

Cheap vase should be a profit but it is a Foghorn Auction so who knows.

Squeak Nice wurn squeak.

Dan's mutant brown ball is displayed to horrified onlookers.

Yorkshire cricket bore to drone on about Yorkshire, Yorkshire, Yorkshire cricket.

Isn't The Squeak from Lancs. Shouldn't he be getting the sweats or a rash being so close to someone from the White Rose county.

Whaaaat have you got there says Dogwhistle Dan as glasses shatter.

Slide projector lamp straight to the skip.

Bloody binware lamps.

Static the Scarecrow standing by the field.

That bloody laugh he's got. Heh-heh-heh-heh.

Kock and Balls-up Auction Experiemce. Balls along the Watchtower. The Squeak cries Blimey. Burple Daze. Hey Dope. Poxy Lady. Drossdown tragic. Manic depression (after viewing these items).



Dizzie dressed like a squeeze of Signal 2 toothpaste.

Awful skip rescued industrial filing cabinet.

GIVE ME A FIVEEEEERRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!

Jukebox makes a decent profit.

The only decent thing they bought.

That Auction Audience looks like an OAP day outing.

Nice cigar cutter Marine Boy.

Moog:
That filing cabinet auction was a tough watch

In fact, the whole auction was like a slow car crash. Just awful Gavel work

Reg:
The constant squeaking, just like going round a supermarket with a dodgy trolley.

Squeaki Hendross Expedience.

Hawley calls the Cigar cutter as a Man-tique. Red Card should be shown for enforcing blatant male stereotypes.

Oh er, perhaps not.

 

Re-up of the re-up from the past with additions.
BBC approved preamble:
Harrogate 5
Series 63
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001dsjv
Danny Sebastian heads to Harrogate in Yorkshire, where experts Izzie Balmer and John Cameron assist the teams before they head to Beverley Racecourse for today’s auction. Danny also learns all about cricketer Wilfred Rhodes.

The Translation:
A Harrogate Antiques Fair is today's destination. Ear protectors are needed as it's Dogwhistle Dan murderin' the English Language. According to The Stranglers, Leon Trotsky got an ice-pick that made his ears burn. I don't know about ice-picks but listening to Squeakmeister for too long makes mine ignite. Eye protection is also needed here too as it's The Jimi Hendrix Experience lookalike contest in full flow. There's Squeaki Hendross on a lead making a Purple Haze, Foxy Lady Dizzie Izzie on Bass, and The Wind Cries Pompey Bingo Marine Boy on Drums. You'll need the ear protectors for the Auction as it's Foghorn Hoodoo Chide Hawley decked out in a suitably psychedelic genuine puke-coloured Korma monstrosity. Danny's Challenge, can you get to the end of the program without your ears bleeding.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Dogwhistle Danny Sebastian, squeak squeak squeak, rat-a-tat-tat
[Red Team Expert] Dizzie Izzie Barmy Balmer, another member of The 93%
[Blue Team Expert] John Marine Boy Bingo Cameron
[Auctioneer] Caroline Eye-Chafe Hawley pooouuunnnnddddssss thump, wearing her Signature Taser-effect Tartan
[Auction Location] Hawleys Auctioneers and Valuers, Beverley Racecourse
[Miserlin Rating] Approved​

​

The Teams:
[Red Team] British South Asian Father & obese student son unless he's a prop forward. He is very annoying.
(Challenge: Find on a dining table)
[Blue Team] Male student housemates, Jack & Jill
(Challenge: Find in a study or office)

The Shopping:
Reds: Handmade Ewenny vase (20) OK, 3 novelty metal signs (34) OK, Knackered Scales (75) OK.
Blues: Wall-mounted jukebox (90) Fine, Re-wired in a sympathetic way, slide-projector lamp (30 Challenge) topend, Upcycled i.e. sh1te industrial spotlight (20) Squeak tattastic, Good.

The Distraction:
Mystery object time. Eeek eeek eeek Cricket eeek eeek eeek eeek Wilfred Rhodes eeek eeek. <SOMETHING SAID ABOVE NORMAL AUDIO RANGE> eeeek eeeek Yorkshire!!!, Yorkshire!!!, Yorkshire!!!, eeeek, eeeek, retirement trophy, eeeeek, too stingy to give him a carriage clock. Dogs of the UK, and anywhere else watching, go mental.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Handmade Ewenny vase (profit), 3 novelty metal signs (small loss), Knackered Scales (largish loss).
Dizzie's BB is a Knackered steel filling cabinet (20), 20-40, 10, it's awful, it bombs. Dizzy, if The Squeak, likes it, then avoid like The Plague.

​

Blues: Wall-mounted jukebox (large profit), Re-wired in a sympathetic way, slide-projector lamp (loss), Upcycled i.e. sh1te industrial spotlight (evens stevens).
Marine Boy's BB is a Birmingham 1959 silver cigar cutter (40), 30-50, 65, decent buy.

​

The Aftermath:
As sure as night follows day, Hawley's Hammer the Auction Massacre. A real House of Horror and that's just the outfit. Hawley unable to get profits out of all bar the vase means the usual overall loss for the Reds, this time its 29. It's a learning process for Dizzie Izzie and she should realise that the only way to get a decent profit in a Yorkshire Auction is picking the right item that would appeal to an internet bidder. Bingo's Blues do well with that Jukebox, the sh1tty industrial items (Dizzie's metal monstrosity included) make no profit and Marine Boy finds a very fine cigar cutter, which makes a nice profit. Hawley calls it "a MAN-tique", a huge faux-pas on the diversely twitchy BBC and she has to backtrack to add "or WOMAN-tique, depending on who wants to smoke cigars". An urgent future diversity course is instantly pre-booked for her. Overall the Blues make a tidy 70 notes. Entertaining episode despite Koch and Bawley being the main double-act.

​

The Hi-Kick:
Standard outdoor kick. The Squeak goes for a full on vertical splits crotch shot, deeply unpleasant. Dizzie's skirt wearing kick, is at the wrong angle for the full upskirt effect, while one of the Blues and the Stout Red son can't be arsed. Booooo.. Yes, YES!!

​