Bargain Hunt

You're already on it!

 

Drama? Where? Have I missed something or is it because the new Season has started?

 

Think I've seen that one, so can delete from the planner, but was good to relive the GG through text.

 

Some weirdos want to make everything about Association Football

 

BBC approved preamble:
Gloucester 2
Bargain HuntSeries 56
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000jbt7
Charlie Ross hosts from the Gloucester Antiques Centre. The reds and blues are shopping for antiques with experts Kate Bliss and Charles Hanson, but which team will make the most profit at auction? Meanwhile, Charlie learns about one of the finest items of Celtic art to survive today, the Birdlip Mirror.

The Translation:
It's the 25th Century, Gloucester Antiques Centre of the Universe is the venue for Buck Rodgering Charl-eh with Trilly Bliss as his posh Wilma and Charles Twiki Hanson the mad robot. The futuristic Auctioneer is Guest Star Spongehair Treepants who will perform his extracting blood out of stone ceremony.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Omnifool Charlie Ross, is Uranus bigger than Mars?
[Red Team Expert] Charles Amazing Technicolour Dreamblazer Hanson
[Blue Team Expert] Kate Shrilly Trilly Bliss, so posh it hurts
[Auctioneer] Tim Timpole Tudor Wunderbar Weeks
[Auction Location] Wessex Auction Rooms
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Father & Daughter, he's is an over-organiser according to offspring.
(Challenge: 20th century storage)
[Blue Team] Married couple, she's a darts player and he's retired.
(Challenge: With a handle)

The Shopping:
Reds: Mahogany Pembroke table (25) good price, Steamer trunk (60 Challenge) solid buy, 18ct gold blue topaz ring (170) Trilly helps out with stone advice, good job Strict Natasha and her rule book isn't there, a real sh1te or bust item.
Blues: Silver mustard pot with spoon (45 Challenge) Good, Victorian leather trunk (35) Good price, Silver wine taster (75) might struggle.

The Distraction:
Charl-eh finds out about the Birdsh1t Mirror in the museum of Double Gloucester. He stares into it and has a strange vision of the future but before he can relay the information his head starts to spin, his eyes glaze over and he ascends the astral plane before waking up with a pool of drool down his front and an uncomfortable feeling that he may have soiled himself.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Mahogany Pembroke table (nice profit), Steamer trunk (loss), 18ct gold blue topaz ring (good profit)
Charles BB is a Bavarian Black Forest wooden dog (45), 40-60, 280. Bingo. Hanson has a very good day. Excellent find. A dog from the Mad Dog.



Blues: Silver mustard pot with spoon (nice profit), Victorian leather trunk (small profit), maybe GG, maybe not, Silver wine taster (loss) GG not.
Trilly's BB is a carved nut acorn thimble holder (29), 20-30, 32, small profit. Not great, not terrible.



The Aftermath:
Well, well, well, Hanson-inspired humungous profit of 284 pounds for the Reds. Luckily, they weren't put off by Trilly's scepticism of the blue topaz in the ring. Trilly's Blue team did OK and made a 1 pound loss but her rushed big spend on the wine taster was their downfall.



The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor Kick. Red bloke doesn't try and Trilly does her usual mild shot at goal. Everyone else is up to snuff. The 2 Charlies really go for it. And it's good night from them.

​

 

BBC approved preamble:
Brighton 16
Bargain HuntSeries 56
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000j4xh
Christina Trevanion is holding the reins at Brighton Racecourse, where today’s teams are bargain hunting with experts Catherine Southon and Mark Stacey. Meanwhile, Charlie Ross visits the National Horseracing Museum in Newmarket to uncover a mystery object.

The Translation:
Belle-of-the-ball Christina is back at Skidrow-on-sea Racecourse to be joined by mega-posh, uber-dull Catherine Truss and effete Sarky Marky Stacey, who gives the impression he started on the Sherry early. Auctioneer is John Marine Boy Cameron in Pompey Penny Pinchers Paradise. Warning, don't expect mega profits as Steptoe and Scrooge love this spot on the coast. The place to see the Miser Moth in its natural habitat.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Christina Trevanion, Queen of Sizzle
[Red Team Expert] Sarky Marky Stacey, the sleazy, slurry somnambulist
[Blue Team Expert] Catherine Southon, super posh, super dull, super useless
[Auctioneer] John Marine Boy Cameron
[Auction Location] Southsea, Pompey
(Miserlin Rating: One Star)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Mother & Daughter in need of some dental work
(Challenge: Navigation)
[Blue Team] Harpy Mother & harpist Daughter
(Challenge: Art Nouveau)

The Shopping:
Reds: French enamelled trinket box (48) the dealer was rather quick to agree this reduced price, actually a bargain, Brass lizard inkwell (45) Good buy, 19th century telescope (90 Challenge) might be OK, but this is Pompey Auctions.
Blues: Art nouveau silver pin tray (60 Challenge) might be OK, Carboy bottle (35) might be OK, Crane decorated mirror and trunk (135) might be OK, might struggle, probably the latter.

The Distraction:
Posh t1t Charlie Ross visits the National Horseracing Museum in Newmarket to fiddle with a horse singeing lamp. Here he's mistaken as a knackered old mare and given some ketamine. He's head spins, his eyes glaze over just as hears the sound of the bolt gun sending him to the grand auction in the sky.

​

The Auction:
Reds: French enamelled trinket box (big profit), Brass lizard inkwell (small loss), 19th century telescope (largish loss).
Sarky's BB is a Boxed George IV silver grape scissors (100), rejected, 80-120, who knows, 140, Sarky strikes with a cracking buy.



Blues: Art nouveau silver pin tray (evens stevens), Carboy bottle (loss), Crane decorated mirror and trunk (good profit).
Dully's BB is a Pagoda bird cage (65), 50-80, 55, a loss. Dully's not on song as usual.



The Aftermath:
Well, I'm shocked, both teams made a profit in Steptoe's Pompey Paradise. The South Coast Dutch Auction started off in its usual style, then we had a big profit on one of the items and the usual big loss on the other. Sarky came up trumps on his buy, shame it was rejected, should have gambled the 5 quid profit Reds. Oh dear Dully, poo-pooed Blues mirror and chest combo which made an excellent profit while her battered old Pagoda bird cage made a loss. Back to the Home Counties drawing board Dully Truss.



The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor kick. Sarky is above par going slightly over 90 degrees, whereas Dully and the Blues are well late. She didn't have a good day did she.

​

 

BBC approved preamble:
Kingston 13
Bargain HuntSeries 54
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m00085ww
Eric Knowles is in Kingston-upon-Thames, where he learns about the life of one of the most famous pets in the world – Nipper, the dog who looked into a gramophone.

The Translation:
Bugger all info given here, could well as be Kingston, Jamaica for all we know. Looks like Rankin Uncle Eric will be joined by Dreadless Dr Evil and Babylon personified Dully Southon. Yar Very Rude Boy Aarktion will be with Ras Tubby Tommy and his shanking gavel dub.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Uncle Eric Knowles, steady Eddie
[Red Team Expert] Raj Dr Evil Bisram
[Blue Team Expert] Catherine Southon, super posh, super dull, super useless
[Auctioneer] Tubby Thomas Forrester nee Plant, the plump schoolboy
[Auction Location] SAS Newbury, should be SOS Newbury as profits will be in peril in this Miser Manor
(Miserlin Rating: One Star)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Dancing female UK Asian (box ticked), teacher and banker (stereotype matched).
(Challenge: Oriental)
[Blue Team] Karaoke male idiots, nuff said, very annoying, hopefully they will p1ss Dully off.
(Challenge: Militaria)

The Shopping:
Reds: Buddha head on a plinth (20 Challenge) Bargain, Oak and copper drinks barrel (48) OK, Cased set of silver-gilt pheasant cocktail sticks (105) might straggle
Blues: WW1 binoculars with case (28 Challenge) Good, Pair of Blue glass vases (95) no chance LOL, Tennis racket mirror (90) Dully loves but might struggle

The Distraction:
Uncle Eric goes to see a man about a dog. Nipper the HMV dog. He was a Jack Reagan Terrier who liked nothing better than running around fast, barking loudly at other dogs, drinking a bowl of whisky and shagging any dogs or legs that moved at every opportunity. Shut it!!!! Woof!!!!

​

The Auction:
Reds: Buddha head on a plinth (nice profit), Oak and copper drinks barrel (loss), Cased set of silver-gilt pheasant cocktail sticks (biggish loss).
Raj's BB is a wooden elephant seat (50), 70-100, TubbyBanging, 110, Raj hits the jackpot. Nicely done.



Blues: WW1 binoculars with case (good profit), Pair of Blue glass vases (biggish loss), Tennis racket mirror (loss) Dully Dud.
Dully's BB is a gun case and charcoal sketch (50), 70-100, really, let's see if the Miser's love it, 70. Dully shoots Dully scores.



The Aftermath:
Idiot Blues drived Dully mad. LOL. That fox with glasses. No surprise they made a loss. Raj on the other hand steered the Reds to a profit and victory. He's good and she's not. That gun case and unrelated sketch were such a strange pairing but it made a profit.



The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor kick is all a bit rushed. The dancing Red girls are very disappointing as is Dully but one of the Blue lads really gives it some.

​

 

Cocktail sticks and vases were the cripplers. That elephant was amazing to get a profit in Tubby Thomas' Tavern of Tightwads.

 

Corking Auction with Auntie Liz and a Booted & Skirted Roo for the Dads, as they used to say.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Sawbridgeworth 9
Bargain HuntSeries 56
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000hyv6
Charlie Ross is in Hertfordshire, where experts Roo Irvine and Tim Weeks help the red and blue teams bag some bargains to sell at auction. Charlie also visits the Grange Musical Collection - the largest collection of self-playing instruments in the UK.

The Translation:
Posh t1t Charl-eh is in Herts with the always delightful Roo Irvine and Spongehair Treepants Weeks to rummage through the BH bins of tat for our entertainment. It's Auntie Liz in Norfolk for the Auction which always bodes well and with 2 decent experts, prospects are looking up.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Omnifool Charlie Ross
[Red Team Expert] Delightful Roo Irvine, full of Eastern Promise
[Blue Team Expert] Tim Treepole Tudor Weeks
[Auctioneer] Elizabeth Talbot, sounds like and looks like a Jane Austen extra. Auntie Liz.
[Auction Location] TW Gaze, Diss, Norfolk twinned with Datt in Germany
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Tall and Short Tennis-Loving Mixed-sex Partners
(Challenge: Signed pottery)
[Blue Team] Tea-dancing Mixed-sex Partners
(Challenge: True antique (>100 years))

The Shopping:
Reds: Poole pottery vase (15 Challenge) OK, Large-handled farm scoop (20) OK, Troika vase (75) OK.
Blues: Cast metal book ends (8) Bargain, Oak knife sharpener (80 Challenge) OK, Boxed Dinky Bedford lorry (28) Good buy.

The Distraction:
Charlie descends, without warning, on the Grange Musical Collection, the largest collection of self-playing instruments in the UK. He demonstrates his self-playing organ before settling down and putting his heart and soul into getting a tune out of the pink oboe. He blows so hard that his head spins, his eyes glaze over and he's away with the fairies honing his trombone skills.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Poole pottery vase (small profit), Large-handled farm scoop (small profit), Troika vase (small profit), a very straightforward Golden Gavel.
Roo's BB is Galloping horse with crystals necklace (9), 20-30, 35. Well done Roo. Good find.

​

Blues: Cast metal book ends (nice profit), Oak knife sharpener (loss), Boxed Dinky Bedford lorry (good profit).
Treepants BB is a boxed Triang ocean liner (23), 40-60, looks good, 48. Wunderbar Timpole Wunderbar!



The Aftermath:
Cracking Auction with Auntie Liz. Humerous and she works a room well. Hawley and Southon take note.
Well done Roo and the Reds. Nice profits and a Golden Gavel. Blues were a hard-nosed bossy pair, made a profit but missed out on the GG with their big spend item. At least they lost the contest. Charlie tells the booted Roo she's going to get one, then gives her a Golden Gavel too.

​

The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor Hi-Kick. Red and Blue blokes are poor but everyone else goes above 90 deg. Great growler split kick from Roo to warm the heart cockles.

​

 

I'm watching this on catchup later so I'm not reading the spoilers

 

BBC approved preamble:
Oswestry 30
Bargain HuntSeries 62
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001b0nk
Christina Trevanion and the teams are on the lookout for profitable antiques in Shropshire with experts Kate Bliss and Richard Madley, before heading to Stratford-upon-Avon for today’s auction. Christina learns how tough school could be for Victorian children.

The Translation:
Sex-on-legs Christina Trevanion accompanied by Blissful Trills and the always affable Madders Madley not Madeley are in Shropshire at the Oswestry Showground Tat Recycling Centre on the English/Welsh border. This means that the home of the bard is the destination of the Auction with shifty-eyed voyeur in the woods near the playing fields Mark Ashley, the deviant with a bag of sweets, an open car door and loose-fitting trousers to ensnare the unwary.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Christina Trevanion, the face that raised a thousand gavels
[Red Team Expert] Kate Shrilly Trilly Bliss,
[Blue Team Expert] Richard D1ckko Madders Madley not Madeley
[Auctioneer] Mark Ashley
[Auction Location] Stratford-upon-Avon, Auction Halfway House, day release from the nonce wing.
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Married UK Asian couple (box ticked), she's a homemaker, he's a fierce haggler.
(Challenge: Used for storage)
[Blue Team] Married couple, he's a CEO. Hopefully he gets egg on his face. She looks like Andrea Loathsome.
(Challenge: Connection to water)

The Shopping:
Reds: Pair of Edwardian silver mustard pots (35) OK, Brass water bottle (15 Challenge) OK, Welsh slate table with fossil (85) might be OK.
Blues: Indian brass water pitcher plus dent (35 Challenge) OK, Green glass decanter (10) Bargain, Art Deco enamelled silver compact (219) may have overpaid but it's top quality.

The Distraction:
Christina becomes a strict school teacher. She wields a cane and the older boys eagerly queue up for a thrashing.

The Welsh Not admonishment is explained. Punishment for speaking Welsh at school. This is where the deep-seated resentment of the English establishment had its seeds sown.

​

The Auction (Online only):
Reds: Pair of Edwardian silver mustard pots (evens stevens), Brass water bottle (small loss), Welsh slate table with fossil (smallish loss).
Trilly's BB is a trio of Danish silver (Trilly tick) items (60), 60-80, 40, Trilly loss. A bit unlucky.



Blues: Indian brass water pitcher plus dent (small loss), Green glass decanter (big profit), Art Deco enamelled silver compact (largish loss).
Madders BB is Georgian-style silver-plated wine funnel (24), 40-60, 35, solid profit. Good work Madders.



The Aftermath:
The annoying Blue team made a profit, which would have been more if Loathsome hadn't been so obdurate about that very nice but very pricey compact. Mind that glass decanter which was destined for the skip was a great find. Reds were a little unlucky. On another day all 3 of their otems would have made a profit and Trilly's safe buy of Danish silver would also normally make a small profit. They were unlucky. Perhaps they should have gone with the Dave Moorcroft vase, part of the middle-distance vintage collection.



The Hi-Kick:
Outdoor regular Hi-Kick. Red bloke barely tries, probably too busy haggling with himself. Trilly and Red woman below par, but everyone else puts on a good show.

​

 

Dreadful Auctioneer today. Pessimistic Palmer. No wonder he's not a regular.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Peterborough 9
Bargain HuntSeries 58
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000smcz
Natasha Raskin Sharp and the teams go bargain hunting in Peterborough. Charles Hanson and David Harper guide the reds and blues around the East of England Showground, and Natasha attempts to get to the bottom of an ancient mystery.

The Translation:
Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp is back to lawless Pikeyborough, no place for a fair maiden despite her being Scottish and I'm sure quite capable of handling herself. Helping the damsel in distress ward off the unkempt and intolerant are shining knights are King Arthur, Charles Dreamblazer Hanson weiding Excalibur like a crazed madman and Sir Lanceless, Dayglo Harper from the borough of Middles. Merlin at the Auction today is. Let's hope magic can be worked and mega profits made or should that be maid.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp and her every expanding rulebook
[Red Team Expert] Charles Amazing Technicolour Dreamblazer Hanson
[Blue Team Expert] Dayglo David Harper, the 'Boro' Bano
[Auctioneer] David Harry Palmer, pessimistic Palmer
[Auction Location] Peterborough
(Miserlin Rating: Approved)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Retired Husband and Wife.
(Challenge: Enamelled)
[Blue Team] Retired Husband and Retired Wife. Obviously nothing better to do in the middle of the day.
(Challenge: With a mechanism)

The Shopping:
Reds: Silver bonbon dish (97) Hanson overspend LOL, Cantonese enamelled brush pot (40) might be OK, Trick pony money box (20 Challenge) OK.
Blues: George III brass fire dogs (30) OK, George Stephenson's commemorative enamelled train badge (9 Challenge) OK, Large wooden industrial mill screw (100) could struggle

The Distraction:
Weird object. Off to Fitzwilliam Museum. Italian expert and her d1ckades. Roman dodecahedron. What's it used for? Nobody knows.

​

The Auction:
The Shopping:
Reds: Silver bonbon dish (largish loss), Cantonese enamelled brush pot (small loss), Trick pony money box (small profit)
Hanson's BB is a George III silver pill box (132), may be a bitter pill to swallow, 50-60, LOL, has Hanson spunked-it-up-the-wall, 60, LOL. Yup, right up the wall.



Blues: George III brass fire dogs (loss), George Stephenson's commemorative enamelled train badge (1 note profit), Large wooden industrial mill screw (loss).
Dayglo's BB is a Victorian dog carrying basket table place setter (75), 20-30, oh dear, he says dogs are out of fashion, really, since when, 70, out of fashion my arse.



The Aftermath:
A new Auctioneer. Harry Pessimistic Palmer. Dressed like a Poundshop Hanson. He's not really suited to TV auctions. He can't sell either. He is bloody awful. Dogs items are out of fashion, I don't thing so. Follytastic Hanson is back. What was he thinking with that non-hallmarked white metal item for over 100 sods. Also directing them towards that overpriced bon-bon dish. Back to the doghouse Charles.



The Hi-Kick:
Indoor Covid diagonal Hi-Kick. Awkward angle to film but it does look like everyone achieved at least 90 deg par. Good stuff.

 

Bit late to the party but just watched this. Excellent example of top flight bargain hunting. Very happy with the outcome and the whole performance. This is what I pay my licence fee for.

 

No high kick picture? Shoddy.

 

Oops my bad. I'd done one but for some reason didn't insert it. Version 2.0 below.

 

Version 2.01 "Diamond Approved"
Peterborough 9
Bargain HuntSeries 58
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000smcz
Natasha Raskin Sharp and the teams go bargain hunting in Peterborough. Charles Hanson and David Harper guide the reds and blues around the East of England Showground, and Natasha attempts to get to the bottom of an ancient mystery.

The Translation:
Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp is back to lawless Pikeyborough, no place for a fair maiden despite her being Scottish and I'm sure quite capable of handling herself. Helping the damsel in distress ward off the unkempt and intolerant are shining knights King Arthur, Charles Dreamblazer Hanson weilding Excalibur like a crazed madman and Sir Lanceless, Dayglo Harper from the borough of Middles. Merlin at the Auction today is David Palmer, who turns out to be Harry's useless nephew. Let's hope magic can be worked and mega profits made or should that be maid.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp and her every expanding rulebook
[Red Team Expert] Charles Amazing Technicolour Dreamblazer Hanson
[Blue Team Expert] Dayglo David Harper, the 'Boro' Bano
[Auctioneer] David Harry Palmer, pessimistic Palmer
[Auction Location] Peterborough
(Miserlin Rating: Approved)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Retired Husband and Wife.
(Challenge: Enamelled)
[Blue Team] Retired Husband and Retired Wife. Obviously nothing better to do in the middle of the day.
(Challenge: With a mechanism)

The Shopping:
Reds: Silver bonbon dish (97) Hanson overspend LOL, Cantonese enamelled brush pot (40) might be OK, Trick pony money box (20 Challenge) OK.
Blues: George III brass fire dogs (30) OK, George Stephenson's commemorative enamelled train badge (9 Challenge) OK, Large wooden industrial mill screw (100) could struggle

The Distraction:
Weird object. Off to Fitzwilliam Museum. Italian expert and her d1ckades. Roman dodecahedron. What's it used for? Nobody knows.

​

The Auction:
The Shopping:
Reds: Silver bonbon dish (largish loss), Cantonese enamelled brush pot (small loss), Trick pony money box (small profit)
Hanson's BB is a George III silver pill box (132), may be a bitter pill to swallow, 50-60, LOL, has Hanson spunked-it-up-the-wall, 60, LOL. Yup, right up the wall.



Blues: George III brass fire dogs (loss), George Stephenson's commemorative enamelled train badge (1 note profit), Large wooden industrial mill screw (loss).
Dayglo's BB is a Victorian dog carrying basket table place setter (75), 20-30, oh dear, he says dogs are out of fashion, really, since when, 70, out of fashion my arse.



The Aftermath:
A new Auctioneer. Harry Pessimistic Palmer. Dressed like a Poundshop Hanson. He's not really suited to TV auctions. He can't sell either. He is bloody awful. Dogs items are out of fashion, I don't thing so. Follytastic Hanson is back. What was he thinking with that non-hallmarked white metal item for over 100 sods. Also directing them towards that overpriced bon-bon dish. Back to the doghouse Charles.



The Hi-Kick:
Indoor Covid diagonal Hi-Kick. Awkward angle to film but it does look like everyone achieved at least 90 deg par. Good stuff.

 

Images inserted (check)
BBC approved preamble:
Newmarket 32
Bargain HuntSeries 56
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000hr9j
The reds and the blues are hunting for bargains at the Newmarket Antiques Fair in Suffolk, with experts Caroline Hawley and Danny Sebastian ready to give a helping hand. Eric Knowles challenges the crowds to guess the function of an intriguing piece of Victorian paraphernalia. And the teams face profits and losses at the auction. Which team will come out on top?

The Translation:
The BBC loves a mystery. Mystery voice, mystery object, mystery salary, mystery investigation, mystery sex offender. Solving BH mysteries, such as how does that piece of tat make any money, is Uncle Eric, the Preston Poirot, Miss Marple Hawley, with her voice of bludgeon, and Squeakmeister, The Great Mouse Detective. Helping dole out the punishment of loss is Judge Auctioneer, Charles Hanson, so it could be purchaser pocket punishment instead.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Uncle Eric Knowles, Steady Eddy
[Red Team Expert] Tartan gargoyle Caroline Hawley, sporting her new chunder collection
[Blue Team Expert] Squeak squeak squeak Sebastian avec chapeau stupide et gilet shabbie
[Auctioneer] Charles Hanson, The Phineas T Barnum of the Auction World
[Auction Location] Teddington
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Retired (or close to retired) Sisters, one likes ducks.
(Challenge: Find in a pub)
[Blue Team] Husband & Wife, he's a building contractor, so no stranger to handling tat and palming it off at a massive profit.
(Challenge: Related to horses)

The Shopping:
Reds: French children's dresser with utensils (130) overpaid, Box of wooden skittles (45 Challenge) might struggle, Silver buckle bracelet (38) maybe OK.
Blues: Rocking horse (10 Challenge) Bargain, Wooden glove box (48) might struggle, 1940s military watch (99), it's a replica so it might struggle.

The Distraction:
Mystery object. An intriguing piece of Victorian paraphernalia. It's a skirt lifter. Next, Uncle Eric goes on the hunt to find a shirt lifter. Tubby Thomas, JP, he might need your help.

​

The Auction:
Reds: French children's dresser with utensils (largish loss), Box of wooden skittles (small profit), Silver buckle bracelet (profit).
Foghorn Shoehorn's BB is a wooden doll house for her wooden voice (20), 40-60, oh dear it's a Dutch auction, 20, evens stevens, seems a bit harsh. Alot of toy for your 20 s0ds.



Blues: Rocking horse (nice profit), Wooden glove box (nice profit), possibly not a GG, 1940s military watch (loss) not surprising.
Helium boy's BB is a prime piece of tat, a German's optician set (105), 40-60, LOL, 60, sizeable loss. The Squeak strikes again. It was an overpriced piece of prime skipware.



The Aftermath:
Hanson was in good form at his London salesroom, a posh-looking echoey chamber in well-heeled Teddington, so money shouldn't be in short supply for the right items. Oh dear, Dan Dan Dustbin Man. His BB was dreadful overpriced rubbish which made a sizeable loss and wiped out his teams profits. You would have though he might have recognised that the WWII watch was a potential replica. For once, Foghorn was unlucky as her BB wasn't overpriced but didn't discourage the white elephant-style dresser. Obviously, Teddington attendees were looking for a Dolls Palace.



The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor kick. Not great. The contestants are all poor. Blues are dressed like a blue Laurel and Hardy which may explain why Blue bloke looks like he's done himself a mischief. Uncle Eric sets the par bar while Hawley does a grim growler and Squeaky gives us his crotch, pit, paunch trio combo. The judges chunder their scores.

​

 

Keighley's favourite, Mumbling Mary, was underselling yet again. Another dreadful Auction. Natasha's eyes lit up when an item fell foul of the Hallmark Act. She loves a full-on DQing.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Hele 14
Bargain HuntSeries 62
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001b15v
Natasha Raskin Sharp and the teams search for antiques in Hele, near Exeter, with experts Danny Sebastian and John Cameron before heading to Honiton for today’s auction. Natasha learns about steam engine restoration.

The Translation:
Go straight to Hele/Hell and meet Demon rule enforcer Strict Natasha and her fellow imps, The Squeak who will torment you with his voice for eternity, and Marine Boy, who will eternally bore you showing off his nautical collection. For Auctioneer, we have Junior Demon Mumbling Mary Chilcott will you know, like, know the price of everything yet the value of nothing.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp
[Red Team Expert] Danny Dogwhistle and Squeaky Toy Sebastian, he of the aged and distressed voice
[Blue Team Expert] John Marine Boy Cameron
[Auctioneer] Posh Mumbling Mary Chilcott
[Auction Location] Chilcotts, Honiton
(Miserlin Rating: One Star)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Male friends, farmer and vet, useful combo.
(Challenge: Brass)
[Blue Team] Sisters, with witch-style hair, hubble, bubble and haggle.
(Challenge: Model or sculpture)

The Shopping:
Reds: Hammered brass charger (17 Challenge) OK, Cast-iron animal feeding troughs, a squeak tat special (107) could struggle, Victorian silver cream jug (125), spout, foot and handle altered, oh dear the hallmark is illegal as it's been altered, Natasha DQs it. Falls foul of the Hallmark act. Her eyes light up.
Blues: Edwardian 4-piece silver and glass cruet set (20) OK, Large vintage metal ice-cream sign (54) might struggle, Italian terracotta bust (75) overpaid.

The Distraction:
Strict Natasha learns about steam engine restoration. She ticks off the restorers for some painting infringements and sends them to Hell for eternity to endure minor rule breach torment.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Hammered brass charger (small profit), Cast-iron animal feeding troughs (eek eek loss), Victorian silver cream jug (void), they decide to treat it as a break even item.
Squeaky's BB is an early-20th century Majolica corn-on the cob embossed vase to match his corn-on-the cob brain (30), it's a mumble, mumble, Majolica jug, 20-30, 35, she mumbles her way to a sale in full ventriloquist apprentice mode. It Squeaks a profit.



Blues: Edwardian 4-piece silver and glass cruet set (profit), Large vintage metal ice-cream sign (loss), Italian terracotta bust (evens stevens).
Marine Boy's BB is an Art Deco mantel clock garniture (100), 20-30, Jesus that's low, 25. A dead weight which will drop to the ocean floor.



The Aftermath:
Mumbling Mary and her under-valuing contribute to an under-performing auction. The mumbled underselling was pretty dreadful and was a significant contributing factor. No peaks today, just troughs with the Dan-tat-tastic feeding troughs. However, the items weren't too bad and should've made more, however, John Boy's clock was a bit of a dud, but as he's usually OK, we'll let him off.



The Hi-Kick:
Indoor Covid diagonal. Strict Natasha gives us her usual Growler kick. One of the Reds and Blues below par or too slow. Squeakadelic gives us his nasty sweaty armpit. Nice. Thankfully, the crutch shot is cut off. Small mercies and all that.

​

 

OK, skimmed that, saw mumbling mary and a DQ so didn't read any further. I player for me this evening with some beers and some popcorn!

 

That Mary is pretty awful, you do wonder sometimes how people get certain jobs....family connections in the trade ?

 

Yup.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Newark
Bargain HuntSeries 49-52 (Extended Versions) Episode 10 of 15
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000zgn2
Charlie Ross and the teams hit the antiques shops of Newark with experts Kate Bliss and Ben Cooper. Charlie is in his element with a classic car collection.

The Translation:
Double decker fun with a double ender from Newark. Posh idiot Charl-eh drags us through with Trlly and Carlos Wispa with 2 sets of contestants, no Challenges, only 1 Distraction, no Frills and only 1 Hi-Kick. Auction is with sniffy Rees-Mogg clone Nigel Kirk. Yes, a right old dog's dinner just so that the BBC can fill an extra 15 mins. Why not just have a regular episode followed by Captain Pugwash or Magic Roundabout (old skool).

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Omnifool Charl-eh Ross
[Red Team Expert] Kate Shrilly Trilly Bliss
[Blue Team Expert] Ben Carlos Wispa Cooper, the George Michael tribute act
[Auctioneer] Nigel Rees-Mogg Kirk, Nanny there's Riff-Raff in my Auction Room
[Auction Location] Mellors & Kirk Auctioneers, Sniff Nottingham Sniff
(Miserlin Rating: One Star)

​

The Teams 1:
[Red Team] Married couple, met on the dancefloor.
[Blue Team] Married couple, he likes quirky.

​

The Shopping 1:
Reds: Turn of the century frosted biscuit barrel (20) sniff fine, Silver punch ladle (45) not inspiring sniff, Victorian pince-nez and spectacles for looking down your nose (20) alright sniff.
Blues: Early 20th century weighing scales (80) unfortunately renovated, disdain, Victorian cast iron desk stamp stand (10) sniff fine, Paraffin Tilley lamp (28), splendid thing but overpriced sniff.

The Auction 1:
Reds: Turn of the century frosted biscuit barrel (profit), Silver punch ladle (evens stevens), Victorian pince-nez and spectacles (loss).
Trilly's BB is a 1944 silver (Trilly tick) compact (28), very ordinary sniff sniff, 25-35, 35. A small OK profit Trilly.
Blues: Early 20th century weighing scales (big loss), Victorian cast iron desk stamp stand (small profit), Paraffin Tilley lamp (profit).
Carlos BB is a Cast-iron letterbox (50), 20-40, might have a chance sniff, 30, another Cooper dud. Through it and him in the refuse Nanny.

​

The Aftermath 1:
Super sniffy Rees-Mogg, can't get through the Auction fast enough with these ghastly objects. Poundshop George is a useless expert, almost always directing his teams to pure overpriced tat just like the scales. So, naturally his team loses.

​

The Hi-Kick:
Not shown. Booooooooooooo.

The Distraction:
Charl-eh goes off to play with his favourite toy. He admires it proudly gleaming in the sun. He provides plenty of thrust as he drives hard, his head spins, his eyes glaze over before he comes to a screeching halt. Later on he goes to see some classic car collection.

​

The Teams 2:
[Red Team] Father & Daughter, they have a relationship better than father and daughter. Social Services are immediately alerted.
[Blue Team] Mother & Daughter, they like things that are different. She photographs things.

​

The Shopping 2:
Reds: 1970s silver basket with detachable handle (55) not a great age sniff, not hopeful, Victorian silver cream jug (70) paid too much sniff, Stainless steel penguin cocktail shaker (22), reasonable sniff.
Blues: Victorian spindle back child's chair (45) doesn't have naive charm sniff, Tibetan dragon-handled teapot (90) dear-oh-dear ghastly, North American iron wheelwright's traveller (35) ghastly American rubbish sniff.

The Auction 2:
Reds: 1970s silver basket with detachable handle (small loss), Victorian silver cream jug (small loss), Stainless steel penguin cocktail shaker (nice profit)
Trilly's BB is a set of 4 silver-plated (Trilly tick) beakers in a leather case (15), 20-30, oh Nanny a bargain, 15, breaks even, unlucky Trills.
Blues: Victorian spindle back child's chair (small loss), Tibetan dragon-handled teapot (big loss), North American iron wheelwright's traveller (loss).
Carlos BB is a wooden three-legged stool (15), I suppose it's alright, 10-20, 25, it makes a tenner. Still means you're a crap expert Cooper.

​

The Aftermath 2:
Another disdainful rapid-fire Auction from Rees-Mogg. Isn't it just ghastly Nanny. Another masterclass in sh1te-expertery from Poundshop GM as he drags his Blue Team to another defeat. The tenner gained from his BB pales into significance with the dreadful unwanted eyesore of that teapot.

​

The Hi-Kick 2:
Standard indoor kick. Red side poor, Blue side fine. Charl-eh demonstrates he still has lead in his pencil.

​

 

BBC approved preamble:
Ardingly 18
Bargain HuntSeries 62
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001b6t2
Eric Knowles and the teams go shopping for antiques in West Sussex with experts Kate Bliss and Gary Pe. Eric also visits artist Rosi Robinson to learn about the ancient craft of batik. As usual, there are highs and lows at the auction, but which team will reign supreme?

The Translation:
Uncle Eric returns to the Ardingly/Ardinglie Antiques Fair in West Sussex for tat wielding hi-jinx at the glorified Jumble Sale/School Fete. Helping with the unlucky dip and smashing crockery stalls are uberposh Shrilly Trilly and unterposh Gary PeePee. Organising the Tombola, with the bottle of whisky top prize, is Auctioneer John Marine Boy Cameron in his Pompey Peddle Palace. Warning, don't expect mega profits as the Miser Moths enjoy the sea breeze in Portsmouth as it's cooling and means you don't have to fork out for a fan.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Uncle Eric Knowles
[Red Team Expert] Kate Trilly Bliss
[Blue Team Expert] Gary Pe Garry BB is PP
[Auctioneer] John Marine Boy Cameron
[Auction Location] Southsea, Pompey, Pompey, Southsea
(Miserlin Rating: One Star)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Married BAME couple (Box tick)
(Challenge: Kitchenalia)
[Blue Team] Married couple, he's a fundraiser
(Challenge: Art Deco style)

The Shopping:
Reds: Singer sewing machine (21) OK, Butter stamp (35 Challenge) OK, Silver ink well (110) OK. However, will the misers cough up.
Blues: Factice model bottle (29 Challenge) OK, Wooden box of buoys (230) OK, Roman pottery oil lamp (30) OK. Hmmm. Let's see.

The Distraction:
The ancient craft of catnip. At the scent of this feline herb, Uncle Eric sticks his tail up and goes mad, rolling and jumping around before sticking his claws into the thigh of the resident batik artist, Rosi Robinson.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Singer sewing machine (one squid profit), Butter stamp (loss), Silver ink well (loss)
Trilly's BB is a chrome-plated greyhound car mascot (75), 60-80, hopes it will do better, doesn't he know his usual audience of Steptoes?, 70, a fiver loss. Unlucky Trilly. The Misers win again.



Blues: Factice model bottle (loss), Wooden box of buoys (big profit), Roman pottery oil lamp (profit)
Gary's Pee Pee BB is a mousetrap note holder (3), 10-20, 12, nice little profit. Well done Gary.



The Aftermath:
A real auction of 2 halves. After the Reds and the first Blue item it was looking like the usual Pompey Disaster Auction. However, the quirky and unusual pilot buoys, the oil lamp, and Gary's mousetrap all returned profits and they were very close to a Golden Gavel.



The Hi-Kick:
Outdoor kick on uneven grass. Deary me. Tall strapping Red bloke with one of the most pathetic flicks ever. Even Trilly goes higher. Everyone else is par.

​

 

Another non-masterclass from Tubby SOS Thomas.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Nottingham 32
Bargain HuntSeries 55
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000d2p8
Anita Manning is at the helm of today's show, which comes from the antiques and collectors fair at Nottingham race course. Stephanie Connell and Thomas Forrester are on hand to help the reds and the blues hunt for their items to take to auction in Sheffield. While they shop, Anita gets to the bottom of a local UFO sighting. Did it involve aliens?

The Translation:
A slurring McWitch, she's probably had a Glaswegian style liquid breakfast, is stirring her cauldron at today's Tat Bazaar at Nottingham race course. Trying to ward off the evil spirits are the Cumbrian Trailblazer Steph and SAS or is it SOS Tubby Thomas, the useless Auctioneer. It's Harlequin waistcoated John Morgan on Auctioneering duty in Sheffield. How will the profits fare in the presence of the South Yorkshire Steptoes?

The Staff:
[Gaffer] [Gaffer] Anita McWitch Manning
[Red Team Expert] Tubby Thomas Forrester nee Plant, the plump schoolboy
[Blue Team Expert] Stephanie Connell, the Cockermouth Cumbrian, the Auction-world state-educated trailblazer, poster girl for The 93%
[Auctioneer] John Harlequin Morgan
[Auction Location] Sheffield Auction Galleries
(Miserlin Rating: One Star)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Firefighting Son & Mother.
(Challenge: Arts and Crafts)
[Blue Team] Mother & Air cadet Son, Teacher and Student.
(Challenge: Science)

The Shopping:
Reds: Arts and Crafts copper tray (34 Challenge) OK, West German lava pottery jug (6) Bargain, German silver bottle stopper stand (185) ouch, they may have overpaid.
Blues: Royal Burleigh Jug (16) OK, Brass Pestle and Mortar (30 Challenge) might struggle, Tubby-directed WWII aeroplane desk stand (75). damaged, overpaid.

The Distraction:
McWitch is off on her broomstick to a UFO factory to see a flying bedstead, Bedknobs and Broomsticks comes to mind. However, one sight of her has the Aliens scurrying to their flying saucers for immediate evacuation back to their homeworld.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Arts and Crafts copper tray (profit), West German lava pottery jug (profit), GG? German silver bottle stopper stand (small loss), very close to a rip roaring Golden Gavel.
Steph's BB is a Rowley Gallery marquetry picture (50) they stupidly reject it, 30-50, 60, Steph knows her stuff with the artworks. That dullard son.



Blues: Royal Burleigh Jug (loss), Brass Pestle and Mortar (small profit), Tubby-directed WWII aeroplane desk stand (largish loss).
Tubby's cherry on the top BB is a pair of Art Nouveau-style 19th-century spelter busts, (95), 50-80, 30, it's a busted bust from Tubby Useless. He bursts his trousers in shame.



The Aftermath:
A tale of 2 experts. Steph directed Reds almost win a Golden Gavel. Unlucky with the expensive silver bottle stopper stand and a decent BB in a field she has much experience in, almost a guaranteed profit. Then you have the numpty son wanting to protect his 8 quid. He's a firefighter, God forbid how he deals with a crisis. No, I don't think we'll turn the firehoses on. Tubby SAS Thomas "directed" Blues. One small profit and 2 losses, one largish, and then a lazy BB of something they'd seen earlier, an overpriced turkey. Yup it bombed. Yet another Tubby masterclass.



The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor kick. McHag barely tries. You would think she would try and levitate instead. Everyone else is fine and Red Son does win the knobbly knees contest. Tubby bursts his shirt, as well as losing it, this time.

​

 

International BH. Oz v USA in tourist trap Bath.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Bath 17
Bargain HuntSeries 57
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000pz46
Eric Knowles is in the saddle as the teams go bargain hunting at Bath racecourse with experts Stephanie Connell and Raj Bisram. Will the reds or the blues be first past the post at the auction with auctioneer Tim Weeks? Eric also finds out about the history of the humble spoon.

The Translation:
Uncle Eric is in historic Bath attending another glorified flea market. Talking of fleas, Bath will be swarming with American tourists like flies around a French toilet. He finds the easiest way to repel the unwelcome Septics is to shout the word Socialism, which wards off about 90% of them, the rest of them can be dealt with by getting them to eat Marmite on toast. They are only able to do this by slathering it on like Nutella, with the permanent removal of tastebuds, the expected consequence. Will their taste ever recover. Septics, taste, ha! Anyway, we've got 2 excellent experts in Our Steph and Dr Evil. It's the West Country so I wonder if it's Wessex Auction Rooms and Timpole Tudor. Yup it is. Good omens.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Uncle Eric Knowles, as safe as houses
[Red Team Expert] Raj Dr Evil Bisram
[Blue Team Expert] Stephanie Connell, the Cockermouth Cumbrian, the Auction-world state-educated trailblazer, poster girl for The 93%
[Auctioneer] Timpole Tudor Wunderbar Weeks
[Auction Location] Wessex Auction Rooms, Chippenham
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Married Oz couple, strewth
(Challenge: Timekeeping)
[Blue Team] Septic Husband & wife, better get the Marmite out
(Challenge: Travel, "Travel is awesome YEAH!!!!!")

The Shopping:
Reds: Chester silver bon-bon dish (35) good start, Carriage horn (12) good buy, Oak-framed school wall clock (75 Challenge) might struggle.
Blues: Scratch built wooden train (29 Challenge) OK, Formica table and chairs (75) it has a chance, Victorian silver-topped perfume bottle (25) OK.

The Distraction:
Uncle Eric learns all about how to spoon someone or indeed something. He's shown round a crack den and it's collection of drug-caked heroin spoons. To round everything off, Uncle Eric does his "My Old Man's A Dustman" on the spoons wearing the Gor Blimey trousers he borrowed off Dayglo Dave.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Chester silver bon-bon dish (profit), Carriage horn (nice profit) Winkie W@nky Woo, GG?, Oak-framed school wall clock (loss), no Golden Gavel.
Raj's BB is a double-ended silver scent bottle (40), 40-60, solid buy, 80, excellent profit. Great buy Raj.



Blues: Scratch built wooden train (nice profit), Formica table and chairs (biggish loss), Victorian silver-topped perfume bottle (decent profit).
Steph's BB is a silver Port decanter label (39), 30-50, should be OK, 26, that's a surprise, those silver labels usually fly. Unlucky Steph.



The Aftermath:
Decent auction, decent experts, decent items, and dare I say it, decent teams. Shame that the Formica table wasn't fancied. On another day it would have made a profit. The Aussies win it and were not far off a Golden Gavel.



The Hi-Kick:
Outdoor Covid diagonal on grass. Decent effort, excellent coordination. Well done.

​

 

I think everything today was overpriced. Real skinflint stallholders with miserly discounts. Gonna be a rocky auction.

 

Miserly auction too. Even Izzie's bargain bottle opener only just squeaked home with a profit. Rick Wakeman's crowd are really pinching their pennies.

 

Nick's birdcage automaton has to get there. Come on! Gets a tenner profit. Colin really had to tease every bid out of those skinflints.

 

Dreadful Auction. That bottle opener profit had to have the pounds prised from Steptoe's fingers.