Things you hate III

Progress, or so called progress yes. Car washes, no, I don’t use them.

Going back way into last century we were encouraged to use credit cards to pay for goods. It’s soooo much easier and it’s faster than cash. No, no it’s not. I used to bing in a fiver or tenner of petrol walk to the cashier and tell them my pump number and hand over the note. Now there is a queue of people fiddling around with cards, waiting for the machine to read it, tapping in pins. Massive waste of time.

Computers or rather operating systems.

Make life easier? No. Want to check a bank account or email quickly? No chance, the computer wants to download the latest update to a new version, do a virus scan or reboot (which can take ages). And to prove a point, the iPad that I’m typing this on has just told me an update is available and I have to acknowledge that I don’t want to install it right at this second as it seems to demand......FCK OFF! Of course if you do abide by its demands and wait the eternity before it allows you, it’s master, to use it, you’ll find that the app or programme that you just wanted to use for a minute is bricked until you update that aswel!

Then there’s work email, just an excuse for lazy colleagues to pass their work off to someone else and tell the boss that they’ve dealt with it.

And last of all, software controlled consumer electronic equipment. I understand that it is easier for manufacturers to alter software as apposed to re-designing electronic circuits for each change, but it’s so fcking slow to for the user. Remember how TVs and radios used to react almost instantly when changing channels? Now when I’m driving and change radio station I’ve nearly completed my journey by the time the tuner has locked onto the new station.

 

Knockaert. Here he is diving again the ****

 

My iPad's not telling me that. You've got me worried now.

Mind you, I do live in the south west. Lucky to have electricity here.

 

Stopped watching x factor about 4 years ago but just woke up from an aftermoon nap and it was on.

So - judges houses.

Sherzingers team are performing in the middle of the desert. I mean, how can you judge anything by a singer singing in the middle of nowhere.

It's turned into an odd show.

 

I cant say I long for the old days when, if I wanted £20 cash, I had to choose the fastest moving queue in a bank at lunchtime, only to find that the guy in front is depositing £350 in 10p pieces from the local car wash machine. I miss lunch and have to apologise to the boss for being late back to work.

 

Viruses and have yet to reach the south west so you’re probably ok. Watch out for the love bug virus.

FYI, Watford have just beaten Bolton at Wembley (the old Wembley) in the play off final. We are Premiership, we are Premiership!

 

Not a problem now, you are the boss!

Just watch out for your top employee who is always on top of their tasks, they’re probably just delegating their responsibilities to an unsuspecting colleague whilst adding zero value.

 

Wow. Great news: thanks. Too far to travel up to that London, of course. Hope Jan Lohman played well. He is my fave player. From Holland, so exotic!!

 

Spoilers!

You have a fantastic journey ahead my friend, a fantastic journey.

 

Paying out Tips to people who don't give extra service
Taxi drivers, Barbers, waiting staff etc

You wouldn't give a tip to someone in a take away, so why do you give a tip to waiting staff ?
Taxi drivers don't go out of their way, a barber doesn't cut ( or polish in my case ) your hair as you want it they don't give you a discount

Tipping has become something that we do because we've always done it rather than for decent service and is now expected

 

Agree 100%. Tipping is outdated and ridiculous. I stopped doing it some time back.

 

Tippings an odd thing. It seems coventional to tip for certain things and not others

As an example when I worked as a holiday rep or as an excursion guide when leaving the coach the guests would often just tip the driver who wassomeone paid a lot more than me and who just had to drive from A to B . As it happened we used to split tips 50/50 but used to find it very odd.

 

I tipped my barber yesterday.

He was chatty, friendly, happy, did a great job, and generally made a great impression.

I've been to barbers who are miserable, rough, arrogant, unfriendly idiots. Those I don't tip.

Same with serving staff. Making my experience more enjoyable and pleasurable gets a tip.

Ok doing a good job should be expected, but they don't have to be nice so going the extra mile gets a few quid more and repeat business.

 

The girl that always cuts my hair tends to wear a ridiculously low top that barely keep everything in. It is really difficult to know where to look for the best, particularly when she goes round to cut my hair at the back.

 

Add to that, end of term/Xmas gifts for teachers from children. WTF!

 

Where do you get your hair cut?

 

I go to the Turkish barbers. Very good they are.

Haircut, hot towel, hair singed out of your ears, eyebrows trimmed and a shoulder massage - all for £13. It seems churlish not to pay £15 and give a £2 tip.

 

Microwave meals where you peel off the top before cooking and the cellophane de-laminates or splits into tiny shards at every fecking corner. So you have to cut round it then that makes it too big to sit on top of the food and stop it splashing the microwave that you've then got to clean.

 

Microwave meals

 

You deserve everything you get, if you’re eating microwave meals. Have some self-respect ffs.

 

I like to tip Gino 50p when Watford play well. I reckon he deserves it

 

Appreciate you are a 40 something year old batchelor that cant even customise a name but good god man...have some decency. Eat pot noodles if you have to but at least pretend to the rest of the world you are bringing home fish and chips.

 

Stoke

 

Bagpipes.

The sound system at the Vic, it’s too loud and the white noise ‘cheering’ is unbearable.

The smell of other people eating shiit food next to me at football matches

Darth Hughes’ sithball

 

I do believe Mr Pink explains your argument most adroitly in the opening scene of Reservoir Dogs

 

How much extra for a bit of winky ****y?

 

The morons at the traffic lights in Eastcote today that either side of me, both decided at the same time to cut me up at the same time. It was only quick thinking from myself and a bit of horn action that avoided a collision.

 

Calls from accident claim companies. I had a call today whilst on the M25 and answered it because I was expecting a call from the builders. It was a strange sounding lady asking for my wife and was enquiring about her recent accident.

I'm ashamed to say I told her to f*** off.

 

I tell them I'm putting them through to the GFYS department and just put them on mute. Eventually they hang up. All at their cost.
Guess what GFYS stands for.

 

I'm ashamed to say I Googled it as my brain hasn't kicked in today.

 

I quite like these calls when I have time. I once replied ‘with how do you know about that?’ and laid on a story that I was a bit ashamed about the accident and didn’t think they would pay out. She consoled me and suggested they would so I explained that I had been in an accident But it was my fault, that I’d had a few drinks and that it wasn’t actually my car, it was stolen so I’d driven off. The final straw was when I said that I think I’d hit a child, the phone went dead and I’ve never had another call.

The Microsoft scammers can be good fun too. The old ‘weve found a virus on you computer’ etc etc. With them you can always confuse Windows with windows but there’s only so far you can push that. My wife kept one on the home phone for twenty minutes once and even called me from her mobile cor me to listen in. He fell for the stoopid women technique ‘Oh you want me to switch it on.......’ and ‘I’ll call my husband he’s better at these technical things’. She did the whole ‘I think I’ve got a Mackintosh’, ‘an Apple?’, ‘no no, it’s definitely a Mackintosh’ and even suggested asking the nice policeman outside for help and even then he didn’t get it!

 

When people use the word "literally" whilst saying something to the contrary and being too dumb to understand the irony.

As in....
"I was literally over the moon"

or....
"I literally knew exactly what they were thinking"

or my all time favourite said by someone on the radio who was defending herself against being called stupid for not carry an umbrella and getting soaked by her co-host....
"but it was literally raining cats and dogs"

I literally hear someone say something like this a thousand times a day.

 

My birthday.