Things you hate III

Kids parties. There is no hell on earth like a group of kids that are hyped up and you're in charge of. Yesterday marked the end of an era for me in that I'll never have to do it again, yet only Richarlisons last minute goal made my day bearable.

 

You said it brother. "Amusing" banter over the classical references in theTelegraph crossword as they munch their way through sourdough bread and apricot jam.

 

Smashed avocado on rye bread.

 

Petril?

 

Nope she's disappeared into a cloud of her own smugness. Mitchell can keep her. I will be expecting half of her net worth as a divorce settlement however.

 

Bosses who shouldn't be bosses.

This was the ending of an email from my Director to one of our most important customers:

"Thank You for your patients"

We don't work in the medical field!

 

At least they used the correct version of "your".

 

Wasps. I hate the good-for-nothing stinging little phuqers.

 

They eat an enormous amount of aphids so they're fine by me.
Crane flies are just pointless though as they ruin plants/vegetation while being 'anatomically incapable of killing or consuming other insects.' (The quote is from Wiki.)

 

Do crane flies sting ?

 

No. The adults rarely eat, it's the larvae (aka leatherjackets) that does all the damage.

Edit. I've just realised why you asked do they sting. Yes, in that way wasps are a pain but for me at least (having never been stung by wasp or bee) they only do good.

 

As a rule of thumb, I don't like any insect that can sting, bite or poison me.

My hatred of wasps (which is quite high) would be even more severe if it wasn't for the fact that they are similar(ish) to hornets

 

Different shaped balls m8

 

Baby Shark.

Actually, that's a lie, I absolutely love it.

 

Is it the ocean's equivalent to veal?

 

..... he says as he tucks into his baby sheep

 

Only because it goes so well with mint sauce!

...........And the roast potatoes, Yorkshire pud, veg and gravy

Bugger I'm hungry now

 

Isn't pork just beefy chicken and lamb just fatty Beef?

I'd say there's only 3, Chicken, Beef and Fish.

 

No, no, no... It's not dinner it's a song.

Tbf, you would need to have 2 and 3 year old daughters to even know about it....and live in the Philippines.

Kids version:



Grown up versions also available.

 

You don't have to live in the Philippines. Baby Shark is global.

 

I do believe we've just accidently come across our new Andre Gray tune

 

If any of our squad look like a shark it's Troy.


Troy


Lenny

 

We had a scorcher of an email from one director recently who said the what had happened was "perthetic".

 

A mixture of perfect and pethetic?

Perthect

 

Having a hangover after 4 or 5 beers, so weak these days.

 

You're drinking the wrong stuff for you.

I've found that I can drink far less (in alcohol terms) lager or IPA than I can darker Ales or Stouts. It would appear I have a hop intollerance that makes me feel rotten in the morning. Since I've found that out my drinking has returned to profesional quantities.

 

Someone told me drinking whiskey didnt give you headaches like beer does. But that's rubbish, I was wasted after just 4 pints and had a 3 day hangover.

 

You're right. Absolutely hysterical. Funniest thing I've read for ages. Thank you.

 

I hear you brother!

I’ll add the Admiral multi cover advert to the mix.

The TV is bad enough with the residents of a cul-de-sac all arriving home at the same time. But worse than even this, there is a real puker of a version on the radio. It features two female ‘neighbours’ of this cul-de-sac discussing there new found fame on the TV ad before giving it ‘ but seriously it is a greaaaat policy isn’t it?’, and ‘oh yes it’s a life saver’. Then like a proper pair of lushes, they giggle about drinking a toast to their new found insurance savvy. Blurrrorrrgh, blurrrrrgh, sorry that was just a little bit of sick coming up my gullet. It is such an annoying ad that I can recite it word for word, bluuurrggh! Oops sorry.


Then the TSB advert which has been around for a few years with that tuneless whistle.

Oh and British Gas adverts, f*cking Wilber................

 

Is it? I guess I didn't know that, not being global myself. It's still the best song to originate in the Philippines since Whoops Kirri.