Scrapes Wot Us 'Orns Have Got Ourselves Into

More the first half.

I’m easily entertained by the most tedious bunkum so long as we’re winning.

Recessive @rsenal gene from the 70s?

Against the odds, this thread is outliving the Most Grotesque Faecal Incident one.

 

Bloody hell. This thread went a bit off topic. In fact for Kelso it's gone a bit **** up

 

Well let's get it back on piste then ...

 

if getting pisted is the goal, we're in good hands

 

Probably because most of us don't need the validation of online strangers.

 

OK. Here goes again. Another try.

Buenos Aires, early Jan. 2002. During the 'run on the peso' immediately following the acceptance that it could no longer be tagged to the US$. Again, I was there on a mission to recce. a birding tour and this time had three contacts.

The first was a bloke in Buenos Aires of Italian decent (there are loads of Argentines of Italian decent as well as Spanish). The first evening we went for a meal in a small restaurant in a suburb near both our hotel and his flat. A bit like going for a meal in a small restaurant in Harrow.

The second evening he had some other business to attend to so we were on our own. I was all for going up the town but my wife, who was still knackered after the long flight, wanted to nip around the corner to the same place again. So that's what we did.

When we were perusing the menus this kid (probably under 16 - why I think that will become apparent) came up and dumped a full carrier bag on our table and started prattling on about something. My Spanish is limited and I'd no idea what he was talking about. So I kind of waved him away.

Next he produced a gun from the top of the bag and started waving it about and shouting. I don't know much about guns but it looked quite old and had one of those straight grips at about 60 degrees to the barrel. The grip was brick-red in colour. Funny the stuff you remember.

Anyway, in my naivety, I still thought it was a bit of 'street theatre'. I'm used to the Edinburgh Fringe remember. So I waved him away again.

Next he comes around behind me and puts the barrel of the gun against my neck. At which point I ask my wife 'is this what I think it is'? i.e. a hold-up. She nods. And my reaction is to push back my chair, really tell him to f.ck off and threaten to chuck the chair at him. He holds the gun down, backs off and his mate then appears in the foyer and they both scarper. They were both wearing bermudas. Funny the things you remember.

There were around six others in the restaurant at the time including the staff. Nobody else moved a muscle during the whole episode. My wife accepted a glass of water afterwards but I didn't need one. I could have carried a pint from the bar without spilling any. I guess I just don't do 'being scared' but I've no idea why that is. The police were called but at first showed no inclination to speak to me. But of course I insisted that they did. And then we carried on with our meal. At the end we were presented with our bill. Of course I told them where to shove it.

A couple of asides. These sort of stick-ups apparently happened fairly regularly downtown. But our host was mortified that we'd been accosted in his quiet suburb at a place he'd introduced us to. Very unusual. His advice was to always wear a cheap watch and carry a US10$ bill which would keep an assailant happy. I always wear a cheap watch anyway, but won't be giving it up without a fight, so my advice to him was to get his nation to clean up the streets of its capital. Why did I think my assailant was under 16? Well firstly he looked like it. But also the gangs who did/do this sort of stuff used/use kids to do their dirty work so if a tourist does get murdered nobody goes to jail.

Now in no way would I describe my actions as 'wise'. I've no idea to this day whether the gun was loaded or not. I could obviously have been killed right there. Some on this thread might wish I had been!

But it was my 'gut reaction' in a classic situation where you don't know how you'd react until it happens. So how do other posters think they'd have reacted? How would they like to have reacted (which may be a different thing)? Remember it's not a situation where you sit about weighing up the pros and cons. It's a gut thing.

Now I hope this post will meet with approval. No sex, no isms, no fighting. I for one will try and keep it that way.

 

I'm not looking for validation. It's suppposed to be fun ...

 

Cool story bro, but without knowing the size of your wife's knockers I don't know what I would have done in those circumstances.

 

Medium.

 

It isn't.

 

Well why are you here then?

 

Is a birding tour what I think it is? If so, your wife seems an odd choice of travel companion...

For what it’s worth, if someone puts a gun in my face, they can take the clothes off my back as far as I’m concerned. A bonus if they took my girlfriend too....

 

To reflect upon what went wrong with this forum.

 

There are loads of threads I find boring or don't find interesting on these forums. I just don't go there. For me, that doesnt reflect on WFC forums as a whole.

 

A pikey nicked my bike when I was a kid. My Mum went to the pikeys camp, walked in, found the bike and walked out with it. Nobody said a word to her. Nobody got stabbed and no tributes were left.

 

A gung-ho birding tour is an attempt to see as many species of feathered birds in a country as possible within the time-frame paying particular attention to any special ones and that would include the endemics. Typically that would be around 450 species in a fortnight in say Costa Rica or Brazil. They can be totally knackering and tunnel-vision although the companies I worked for at least made a bit of an attempt to make more of a holiday of it. No way would my wife have enjoyed one of them anyway.

A recce. tour (or at least those undertaken by me) were much more low key with time for other stuff as well and my wife enjoyed them.

 

Interesting thread and nice to see it veer back into the realms of acceptability with little intervention. (few edits)
Carry on.

Oh and If I'd been in the restaurant gun situation it's difficult. I've always felt it's better to regret something you've done, than regret not doing something. It appears Kelso chose right. I'd like to think that in that situation when the gun was pressed to my neck I would have used my ninja skills and powerfully built frame to kick the crap out of him.

 

Pre-augmentation.

 

That wasn't Mrs Kelso. Mrs Kelso is history. She is now ex Mrs Kelso. By all means pray for her if you like.

 

So to summarise, you went to argentina and robbed a restaurant.

 

It's rather interesting that, seeing as I was taken to task in post two of this thread for 'gratuitous sexual content in the o.p.' that those of you that are still left now that the 'churlish ones' seem to have departed are rather keen on 'gratuitous sexual content'. So maybe I was right in the first place.

 

I guess you moved on as you found someone with "larger" ones ?

 

Right on cue.

 

Top 10 birdwatching destinations list ? I'm serious. Have done Costa R, Brazil, most of Africa but I'm always looking for somewhere new. Thailand any good with a mix of north and south ? Japan ?

 

Most of Africa? Really?

 

Sorry, I mean most of the African regular tourist destinations, 9 countries, some twice.

 

Shoebill
(#1 was resplendent quetzal)
Google them if you're bored -I would send a link to my photo website but my anonymity would be gone....

 

What derangery is a favourite bird? They all have beaks and feathers. Twitters or twerkers or whatever they call themselves....hmm all my available options aren't valid; was going to say should get out more, get drunk or get laid but none of that is apparently a preventative measure.

 

Plover.

Not interested in birds, I just like the name.

(Corncrake is #1).

 

Peregrine Falcon

Plenty of Greater Spotted Wazzocks round here though.

 

I've tried Lynx Africa, when I was about 12. Didn't like it. Not used it since.

 

12? You was hard. Was using it till my late 30s.