1. Clive_ofthe_Kremlin

    Clive_ofthe_Kremlin Squad Player

    I watched a show tonight on the TV about 'secrets of the holiday' or something along those lines. You know the silly titles they give these programmes.

    The burnt-pink Brits in shorts appeared to be mainly bovine Northerners who only liked English food and were very, very quick to complain about anything that didn't suit them. I felt sorry for the poor Spanish hotel staff who had to put up with them. "Ahm not 'appy wit cleanin' in mah room" whinged the porky northerners. The Spanish receptionist fella was very droll as he said with a straight face that they had to make sure the rooms were super-deep cleaned and absolutely immaculate, because "the British are very clean people".

    Well I have my own opinions of the cleanliness of the Brits, but it was not improved by the revelation that every single one of them happily confessed to piddling in the swimming pool. One fat, crop-haired one was particularly proud of it and told the camera he'd copiously peed in both the outdoor and indoor pools. "Aye it's a guilty pleasure is that, piddling in t' pool!" he announced without an iota of shame.

    The voiceover then said something along the lines of 70% of people admitting doing this disgusting act. Quite happy and relaxed. Yeah let it go. Screw everyone else. Let 'em splash about in my warm urine. Why not?

    I can honestly say that it's something I've never considered doing or even thought about. I mean I suppose kids might have an accident or something, but these were fully grown hairy Yorkshiremen and Lancastrians pleased as punch that they'd emptied their filthy bladder into the water where kids and families were splashing about.

    Dirty pigs.


    [​IMG]

    Porky 'n' proud pool piddlers
     
  2. Godfather

    Godfather bricklayer extraordinaire

    I once bought some fake pooh from the joke shop in Watford and let it loose in Hemel baths .... no one even seemed to notice :D
     
  3. goldenstate-goldenboy

    goldenstate-goldenboy First Year Pro

    My English family is exactly like this and they're from Bucks. Certainly isn't a northern phenomenon.
     
  4. kVA

    kVA Reservist


    I really want to tell you that your main problem is the shows that you watch and that you should stop watching telly, but I like your reviews. I could quite easily dislike such people. Selfish, inconsiderate, dare I say that they're behaviour is chavish?


    P.S. I am very clean and wouldn't dream of ******* in a pool but suspect that many do.
    I have witnessed people entering one side of the pool to 'cool off', walked across the pool and immediately exited the opposite side. I'm sure that it is to relieve themselves. Disgusting. This is a pet hate of mine and is a candidate for the things you hate thread.
     
    Last edited: Aug 6, 2017
  5. Hornpete

    Hornpete Squad Player

    In an instant the chlorine in the pool breaks down or combines with the piss. Meaning its not piss anymore. The free chlorine in the pool should be managed and always present. The combined chlorine gives you the smell of chlorine and is removed by replacing with fresh water (dont complain if the pool is often a touch cold, it means they are recycling the water).

    Its not nice, but showering before you swim and removing shoes in changing rooms is equally important.
     
  6. kVA

    kVA Reservist

    Oh no, please don't excuse them! I might get a mouthful of it before the chemical process really gets going.

    Have pools ever had chemicals that turn purple around the pool urinater? If not they should, or is this another urban myth told to me by my mother? Much like the ice cream van music only playing when they have run out!
     
  7. Diamond

    Diamond First Team

    Dirty b*stards. That's why I don't watch shows such as this, I just end up hating people more than I already do.

    Urine can be useful though due to the ammonia content. When I used to have an allotment I was advised to pee on the compost to help speed up the chemical process. I used to hide in the shed, pee in the watering can then empty that over the compost heap.
    With a new fish tank and filter, to encourage the bacteria to grow and be able to break down the fish waste you're supposed to "cycle" the tank with ammonia. With my tank this took about 8 weeks until the necessary bacteria grew in the filter. Luckily I was able to source ammonia quite easily but if you can't then guess what works well?
     
  8. Bwood_Horn

    Bwood_Horn Squad Player

    At the relatively low levels found in a pool the chlorine gas evolved is more likely to temporarily block/"burn-out" your nasal receptors so you can't smell much. That swimming pool smell is actually an oil that floats on the water surface (nitrogen trichloride) which also causes the "red-eye" in swimmers (it's actually quite nasty stuff). You don't tend to get the smell in outdoor pools (not because of all that fresh air) but the NCl3 is very unstable to all the extra UV light and rapidly breaks down.

    The nitrogenous sources for the NCl3 to be formed come from sweat, hair, skin, faecal matter and clothing fibres (plus all the various microbes living on them) as well as wee-wee. The wee-wee isn't too much a health problem as it is "delivered" sterile - it's the break-down problems that are the problem.

    The dyes are pretty much urban myths but some work was done with an artificial sweetener seeing that the molecule is a "heterocyclic ring" (which pretty much all "drugs" are based on) I imagine long term exposure to it is really something to be avoided.

    Here endeth the lesson.
     
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  9. Hornpete

    Hornpete Squad Player


    Smell your trunks when you get out, smell them again when you get home. Bestexample of the chlorine process in action.

    The health problems in pools are caused by likes of cryptosporidium and other nasties.

    Does your pool operator in marbella follow good practices? Doubt it. But watford baths will be very strict with cleaning the water amd pool testing.
     
  10. kVA

    kVA Reservist

    Thank you both for the chemistry lesson, I won't argue with science.

    I still think it's gross and inconsiderate though and I can't imagine that the two pink-skinned porkies in the OP know anything about the science and are just selfish C's who couldn't be arsed to haul their bloated bodies out of the pool and waddle to the nearest toilet!
     
  11. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    Disgusting scum. The worst part of holiday is other British people being around. Can't escape them
     
  12. Godfather

    Godfather bricklayer extraordinaire

    Believe me you can but not on UK package deals ... besides it's only some Brits that need avoiding, I've met plenty of decent ones on a few occasions.
     
  13. KelsoOrn

    KelsoOrn Squad Player

    There's a rather rare butterfly called a Purple Emperor. Most of its time is spent flitting around at the tops of oak trees. One trick to see them well (which SOMETIMES works) is to take a p.ss on the trail under the oaks and they'll come down and drink at your pee puddle.
     
  14. Godfather

    Godfather bricklayer extraordinaire

    I've heard all about these sordid games ..... Pervert!
     
    KelsoOrn and kVA like this.
  15. I Blame Pozzo

    I Blame Pozzo First Team

    How deeply unpleasant.

    As I swim like Robert Maxwell I do not frequent swimming pools so have not experienced this.

    This has not encouraged me in the slightest.

    Not good.
     
  16. another_mrlizard

    another_mrlizard Squad Player

    I don't swim and I go on holiday to avoid having to talk to people, so none of that stuff bothers me.

    I'm more concerned about the vile untermenschen who contribute their inane, attention seeking grizzles to Twatadvisor.

    Absolute, dirty sub-human filth the lot of them.
     
    Clive_ofthe_Kremlin likes this.
  17. These examples of beery flatulence made flesh make me so proud to be British. It seems to be a fairly unique thing to Homo Brittanicus. You can understand swarthy Mediterranean types being more sophisticated, but why is this behaviour less common in other Northern Europeans?



    I hate this country. Other nations might have similar levels of intelligence and decency across the board, but we seem to have a near monopoly on the willfully thick and piggish.
     
    Godfather likes this.
  18. Bwood_Horn

    Bwood_Horn Squad Player

    I strongly recommend a trip to Cyprus - particularly somewhere that has a population (more than 3 of them) of holidaying Russians. They make "us" seem like paragons of good behaviour and manners.

    Also Scandies on booze cruises (to Tallinn, Riga and Kalipeda) is an eye-opening experience.
     
    Cthulhu and Timbers like this.
  19. Actually I did a straw poll of many of the hotel our business uses as to which were the worst customers. Russians and Israelis by a long long way. TBF the parts of rural France we visit aren't likely to feature on the itinerary of your average meat filled condom from Bolton.
     
  20. Relegation Certs

    Relegation Certs Squad Player

    I'm struggling to think of an occasion where I've been in a pool and not had a piss to be honest.
     
  21. kVA

    kVA Reservist

    You revolting person, I hope you have the misfortune to swallow one of my kids floaters next time they leave one in a pool!
     
  22. zztop

    zztop Eurovision Winner 2015

    ...corrected for you.
     
  23. Moose

    Moose First Team Captain

  24. Cthulhu

    Cthulhu Keyboard Warrior Staff Member

    That's my favourite post of the day
     
  25. Arakel

    Arakel First Team

    You sound suspiciously like some kind of expert to me. GTFO.
     
  26. Bwood_Horn

    Bwood_Horn Squad Player

    I'm just an amateur with a(n) (un)healthy interest in hard sports, water sports and golden showers.
     
    kVA likes this.

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