Etienne Capoue: Cactus

Come on, we all need to copy this before a game.

I always do it now before games. Get’s me ‘in the zone’.

 

Isn't he praying? This is a prickly subject.
(I got there first!).

 

I normally to do it before the game and then again just before I go to get the half-time teas.

 

Beer does that better for me.

 

I’ve started to do it before I poo

Not noticed any change is arse performance yet

 

I had a cactus named Bernard.
I over watered him and he died.
We must try to over water Etienne.

 

Sadist.

 

I meant him no harm.
Poor Bernard.

 

I have many cacti but I never name them. I don't think it helps to get too close.

 

Not Bernard. You said (and I quote) "We must try to over water Etienne" ...and presumably kill him too?

 

Perhaps this was my first error.
I may try again,I still have the Layun sombrero which may make him/her/it feel at home.

 

Ah,I see!
I omitted the 'not'.
I shall make it known to all and sundry that,if they come across Etienne,they resist the temptation to water him.Can or hose.
Probably very difficult,who amongst us has not wanted to water a PL footballer?

 

If Capoue meets a watery end (see: Sala), you're right in the firing line now IBB.

 

At what level of football do they stop doing this?

National League?

Tier 7ish?

Like grunting in tennis. As IBB once mentioned, this is elite level only.

 

Morbid twist.

 

Oh crikey!
Do a Bergkamp Etienne and travel over land.I cannot take the responsibility.

 

I pray every morning in the shower before doing a Cactus.

 

That’s when I shave but I celebrate our difference.

 

youre haikus $iht m8

 

And yet no picture seems to exist of Capoue doing his cactus pose.

 

Ive heard the "Back, Sack 'N' Crack " trend has spread like wildifire through the gay cacti community, so we re all the same underneath RD

 

I've never opened the box inscribed 'Plants & Gender'.

Happy to leave all this type of thing to the experts.

 

The most famous gardener in the world is called Allan TITmarsh .

Say no more .

 

He is praying to the football Gods, dont give him needle about it.

 

Terrible internet poetry that we enjoyed reading nonetheless, issue 12.

 

There was a young cactus called Bernard
Employed as a prickly bodyguard
He thought it a laugh
When IBB gave him a bath
But he ended up in the graveyard.

 

https://media.*****images.com/photos/11th-march-2018-emirates-stadium-london-england-epl-premier-league-picture-id930506918?s=612x612

 

Is that from the works of Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings?

 

No but possibly from the Vogons!

 

No, no , no - this simply won't do.

Needs to practise this:

 

Perhaps next time he scores at home, instead of clapping we should all just do this accompanied with an eerie silence. That's how the Cult of Capoue was born.

What a delicious pass that was for deulofeu.

 

We should certainly do it when singing ‘we’ve got Capoue, Etienne Capoue.....he’s better than Zidane (winner World Cup, European Cup, Champions League, Capt Real Madrid, 3x World Player of the Year etc.).

 

What do you call a dinosaur that sat on a cactus? A Megasaurarse.

 

Surely that's the Mexican "Keep your hands where I can see them. I'm just going to slip your wallet out of your pocket and you're not going to turn round, ok ?" pose ?

 

Hands up, baby hands up