Easy Jobs With Nothing to Do

VP at Clever Imports ?? Or spirits consulting group ? Just connected with them on LinkedIn and told them that you'd said they had smelly breath. They weren't impressed

 

Pete ? Is that you ? Where's my bloody debtors analysis ?

 

Erm, we'll maybe keep quiet on all this.

The maverick parallel universe of the forum suddenly crashes into reality.

 

The good news is neither knew who "rookery dad" was.

ps in case you had a 1% doubt, of course I didn't make contact !
Interestingly the #1 return on a linkedIn search for Rookery dad throws up this guy;

Curtis Griffy (LION), MSM, PMP, CSM 3rd degree connection 3rd

Project Manager | Program Manager | ScrumMaster | I am seeking the next Project Management business problem to solve.

Greater Minneapolis-St. Paul Area

...so I guess you're not listed under Rookery dad, as I doubt very much you are young Curtis
Brilliant spot with the name though, it's had the office here in raptures.

 

I too have recently changed careers, following a relocation the West Midlands earlier this year. It was a fairly rigorous recruitment process and I’m aware that I may have to ‘prove myself’, but what I’m really enjoying so far is the fact that no two days are the same, as well as there being a real, well-trodden path of progression for those who muck in and work hard.

Sitting around doing nothing at work is the worst. I’m easily bored and there’s nothing worse than being restless and sat there clockwatching.

 

Scrum Master. My brother does this. He has attempted to explain it to me, but I am still utterly baffled. Can any of you clever business types tell me what it means? Hint: it’s certainly nothimg to do with rugby (except, perhaps, by analogy?).

 

That's what this forum is for.

 

Most workplaces I’ve experienced block this forum!

 

Was hit BBC series ‘Bodyguard’ based on you ZZ?

 

I've left jobs on the first day for that

 

It's simple - scrum masters are just people in charge of a team of workers who organise themselves, talk to each other and do all the work. The main skills needed to be a scrum master are the ability to pat people on the back and say "Jolly good show - keep up the good work chaps!"

 

That's why you set up a remote log on for your home computer and browse the web through that.

Alternatively, be in charge of the web filter and give yourself a global filtering exception as a "test" exercise.

 

How does that differ from “project manager”? Or, indeed, just “manager”?

 

Exactly, the word 'boss' was forming on my lips as I read it.

 

It does seem like a load of shyte doesn't it? I reckon I could do that.

"Protect team from external obstacles" - Yeah done that. You can tell because there aren't any obstacles.

"Take pride in work well done" - Oh yeah, I'm proud. Very proud. Couldn't be prouder.

"Observe the team from outside and give feedback" - You're doing really well team. Excellent! I'll just be observing you now for the rest of the week, but give me a shout if you need me.

"Team bonding activities" - I've sent out for some pizza for everyone!

"Give regular feedback to the team" - You're doing great team. Keep it up!

"Mediate conflicts" - Yeah, look, cut it out alright? Let's all try to get along shall we? More pizza anyone?

"Appreciate when the team does well" - I'm really appreciative you've stopped arguing now. You've done very well. Isn't the pizza nice? Another slice?

"Celebrate success to make the moments memorable" - Come on team! Everyone into the pond to celebrate. Then it's pizza all round.

 

I have followed what I take to be the etiquette of the boards & used a false name on here (see previous interesting R Dadd diversion).

Mr Griffy is an intriguing fellow. His main responsibilities are:

Attending networking events
Researching Industry Leaders
Tracking Industry Trends
Participating in Industry Discussions

Has a winner for our Easy job With Nothing To Do emerged from the pack?

 

Clive, forget the creative writing!

You're natural management material. You will learn to delegate the pizza ordering - this is easy to train - otherwise another promising capitalist *******.

 

I wasn't quite sure where to put this one.

Couldn't find him on the Team Bus.

Good to see the old boys doing well:

https://www.thedrinksbusiness.com/2018/09/lord-ashcroft-invests-further-2-7m-in-english-wine/

By the looks, they've eschewed Clive's pizza centric management approach in favour of quiche but, of course, Scrum Masters know you have to be sensitive to local differences.

And boy, hasn't Ashcroft got them moving at pace!

 

There's loads where I work. Their main purpose is to get the most of the various socially inept people who work in software development and can't have conversations that aren't about Java script or some other geekery.

Over the course of 10 years of dealing with them, I've come to the conclusion that it's largely money for old rope and their only really talent is talking in jargon and being a geek whisperer.

 

Thanks RP. I shall put it to my brother over a beer the next time I see him that he is a “geek whisperer”.